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Restless
posted at 3:41 PM  
I've noticed in my life that I'm the type to get irritated with situations. Rather than saying "Isn't this great?" or even "I'm comfortable," I seem to just get dissatisfied. On the one hand, not being content with the status quo implies that I might be successful at something someday, but a question I've been asking myself recently is: will I ever be happy if all I do is constantly think about how things could be better?
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I think find happiness in the doing and never being satisfied with the way things are is a totally feasible way of living life. It's the whole "journey" versus "destination" thing.
That makes sense.
It occurred to me a little later that I actually do derive quite a bit of pleasure out of "fixing things", and that my current ennui is probably caused by my knowledge of all the things I want to do something about but am not actually acting on.
Part of it is that I just do not have a proper workspace. I keep saying I could go to the library or to a coffeeshop, but really I just want my own space--an office. It'll be great to have that again.
*counting the hours until the move...in January, so that's a lot of hours*
I personally have such confidence that it's all going to work out for you. You NEVER give up. You sometimes sputter emotionally and whatnot, but you never give in. That's half the battle, and eventually all the insights you have are going to come together (there will be a point of critical mass). It might be that it's a business venture, a book, or something else. I know there's frustration on your part. Four years ago I was stuck at home and living with my parents. I knew I was extremely bright and capable, but no-one took me seriously. I had controversial and challenging ideas; when you have those, people need to be in the right mindset to be receptive. When I was in the middle of nowhere Kentucky piddling away my days, I was just one of many people longing for the world to listen and thinking (no, KNOWING) I had something important to say. Now, I have Pulitzer Prize winners asking to work with me on projects. And it's all because people LISTEN to me now; they give my ideas the benefit of the doubt. You're going to have the success you deserve. I know it. I still remember how you influenced me those ten short years ago. It's hard to believe it was only ten years ago.
...I had no idea I had any influence on you. You had a profound impact on me; I never even considered that it might have gone both ways.
Oh, no, of course you were an influence. You and I had very similar interests, but we had both expressed those interests so differently. I appreciated your talent at storytelling, and you were -- from my perspective -- wonderfully urbane. You were also very outgoing, and from what I remember, if it hadn't been for you, the group we had that summer wouldn't have existed at all. You were at the center of that, the personality that introduced and bound us all together. I started writing more because of you (remember those fake planets and lives you and I created and shared through snail mail?) and I started reading different material.
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