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Friday, November 21, 2008
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Obese people are people too
posted at 8:26 AM  
Canada has ruled that people who require two airline seats can have them without paying extra.
The high court declined to hear an appeal by Canadian airlines of a decision by the Canadian Transportation Agency that people who are "functionally disabled by obesity" deserve to have two seats for one fare.
My friend posted to Twitter, "This is kind of ridiculous. If you're wide enough for a second seat, you ought to pay for it."
He doesn't believe he's being unfair, because he's one of the people who might be affected by this sort of ruling. However, there is a fundamental fallacy in his argument, and that is
Obese people don't have the same rights as people at lower weights.
If you think of each airline seat as a commodity, it seems unfair for one person to get two while others only get one for the same price. But that's not really what's going on here. The obese person isn't enjoying a luxurious extra seat, with room to lounge or lie down or spread out. The obese person is simply getting enough room to actually sit down. To say that a person must pay extra for a seat because they require more room is nothing more than prejudice. Should a person in a wheelchair pay extra for the room her chair takes up?
This brings me to another fundamental fallacy. This fallacy is what breathes life into the first.
Obese people choose to be obese.
How many obese people do you know who say, "I love being obese! I wouldn't change a thing about myself!" I doubt you know anyone who says that. No, what an obese person is more likely to say is, "I'm obese because I'm lazy and don't eat right."
That argument may or may not be true. I'm not trying to diminish the importance of personal responsibility for one's health. But the fact of the matter is, our society makes it ridiculously difficult to escape obesity.
We are less active
We hardly have to walk anywhere. We drive our cars straight up to the buildings we want to enter, even if they're right next door. There's a negative connotation associated with walking. When you see a person walking down the street, do you think, "Oh, how healthy!" or do you think, "What a vagrant! Get a job!" Yes, there is laziness involved here. But our country's transportation fundamentals--the way we organize how we get from place to place--are heavily skewed against healthy options.
We have evolved into car-addicts. We zone our towns so that it's often impossible to commute by any way other than car. While large cities may have subways or buses, these seem to have a negative connotation. Smaller cities may or may not have public transportation, and certainly not enough to make switching a viable choice for most people. The "ideal" is to have your own car and drive it everywhere.
We also have an obsession with "convenience" and "efficiency". Americans have always been about innovating in order to save time and money. It somehow seems more efficient to us to drive everywhere than use other methods of transportation. It's certainly more convenient. We can carry more things in a car, and we can stay cool in the summer and warm in the winter. We can drive right up to wherever we're going and be inside in a flash.
Our transportation issue has evolved into a self-feeding cycle. We drive everywhere because city planners zone commercial and residential far away from each other, because we like the convenience of driving and the "safety" of neighborhoods secluded from commerce. We can't stop driving everywhere easily, even if we want to. It takes too long to get to places by foot or bike. It's less safe. And we don't have any other options, except perhaps a bus that doesn't quite go where we need it to.
We don't eat right
This point hardly needs to be made. Everyone knows by now that human beings are not supposed to eat as much as we eat here in America, and certainly not the types of food we eat. The majority of us are built to store fat to keep us from starving when times are rough. As many have noted, though, our cheapest food items nowadays are the ones that are the worst for us. It's harder to eat fresh vegetables because we often don't have time to cook, so we pick up something quick (and loaded with fat and salt) and the veggies go bad in the fridge.
Why don't we have time to cook, if everything is supposedly so convenient? Because we don't actually save any time doing things the way we do them. We sit in the car driving to work on the other side of town. We sit around for 8 to 12 hours trying to make more money. Instead of setting convenience as a means to an end--a healthy, joyful life--we've made convenience our goal.
Our relationships, just like our health, suffer because it's inefficient to spend time working on them.
"I deserve it"
The sheer amount of time, energy, and money it would take for an obese person to work themselves down to a healthy size are the reasons more of them (us) aren't doing it. We basically have to fight basic precepts of our society. We have to teach ourselves that convenience is not good. We have to teach ourselves that it's okay to spend more money. We have to teach ourselves to spend less time on things we enjoy so we have more time to exercise. And all of these things run completely counter to the "pursuit of happiness" we are indoctrinated into growing up.
We're told we can do whatever we want, whenever we want. That this is our privilege as Americans. We believe that we have a right to convenience. We have a culture of entitlement, and if things don't go our way we feel it's perfectly acceptable to pitch a fit. These underlying assumptions feed our quest for more, more, more, now, now, now, whether that be a faster route to school than walking or the bus, or as much food as we can scarf for the least amount of money.
We are, essentially, training ourselves to be lazy in all things--making it appealing to be selfish and miserable.
The inverse
Many of us recognize this sense of entitlement in ourselves and others and find it repulsive. We don't want a handout, we'll say. We don't want special treatment. We want to be treated like everyone else.
The problem is, sometimes we go too far. We'll state that it's only fair that obese people pay for as many seats as they need, for example, because they shouldn't get more of anything than anyone else. We'll buy into a logical fallacy because we don't want to be identified with our gluttonous society.
Obesity is not something we can turn off like a light switch. It is a fundamental problem in our society that everyone--individuals, businesses, and government--needs to work together to eliminate. But while we're working on it, the fact of the matter is, people are going to be obese.
Obese people are people too
Giving a person a chair that is the right size is not special treatment. It is not saying, "You are entitled to be obese." It is saying, "I want you to be just as comfortable as everyone else."
Marginalizing people due to their size ignores the fact that obesity, for many people, is not a choice. Poor education, societal pressures, convenience and "efficiency", genes, the slow death of the community, and factors we may not even be aware of yet have all combined to thrust Americans into an unhappy, unhealthy world. We can no longer simply blame the fat guy for being fat. We have to take a hard look at everything we do as a society.
We need to educate. We need to reform our transportation system. We need to offer more healthy options. We need to put an emphasis back on communities, on taking care of each other. We need to do all of these things and more to get ourselves back on track.
And in the meantime, we need to treat the ones who are affected most with the same dignity and respect we give everyone else. No more...and no less.Labels: essay, health, life, obesity, quality of life
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Tuesday, November 18, 2008
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Thoughtdump
posted at 11:37 AM
Twitter is performing database maintenance. How am I supposed to regale you with snippets of useless information about my day?
Oh, that's right, I have a blog.
I'm in that discontented mood that I seem to get a lot. Usually I need to make some sort of proactive life change, or at least come up with some plans to do so, in order to shake the mood. Unfortunately, one change I had wanted to make has been vetoed--I had hoped to set up a treadmill at my work station, but the higher-ups don't like the idea. I don't know if they thought I wanted to jog, and get all sweaty, or what. All I really wanted was to stay moving, at 1 mph or less, rather than sitting all day. I'm considering asking if I can just raise my desk so that I stand all day instead. We'll see.
I've been thinking a lot about my poor blog, and how I keep neglecting it. I think I want to give myself writing assignments and stick to a posting schedule, at least for awhile. I also want to get better about reading more.
A big problem is that I don't want to spend a lot of time sitting around--which of course is why I wanted a treadmill at work. So I am thinking about ways I can incorporate exercise into the typically stationary activities I do at home.
Sean's been wanting to move our computers into the second bedroom (which is what I wanted from the beginning, but whatever ;>), so I'm thinking about what I could do in there. Maybe a treadmill desk; maybe a desk that can be used with my bike on its stand; maybe something that can do both.
These days, when I get home I don't feel like doing anything productive. I'll get online and read a few things or watch TV until bedtime. I think having a regular desk instead of using the coffee table would help. You have to kind of settle in to really work on a computer, and leaning over from the couch or sitting on the floor kind of precludes that. So hopefully the move to the second bedroom will help too.
A friend mentioned yesterday that someone he knows has lost weight by making small changes, like not sitting down when he watches TV. I have used the Free Step on the Wii Fit while watching TV before, so I think I'll try to keep doing that. (Unfortunately it maxes out at 30 minutes, at which point I have to change input back to the Wii and turn it off or start it over.)
I'm hoping I can get to the point where some sort of activity is built into everything I do...and I'm hoping that that will give me the energy to do even more things. I'm always talking about being tired of being in a rut, but I never seem to actually try to get out of it. Part of it is a lack of motivation, part of it is not having the right tools, and part of it is just not being sure of what I want to do. I can at least solve that last problem by thinking about it, by going ahead and trying different things and seeing what sticks.
Another thing I really want to do is find and stick to a good calendar/project organization system. I want to be able to track what I'm doing and what I need to do, to pat myself on the back and keep myself on track. I want to accomplish things that take longer than a day.
Here's hoping I can figure something out about all this.Labels: exercise, goals, health, life, quality of life, writing
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Tuesday, October 7, 2008
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Aunt Carol
posted at 9:20 AM
(Update: Click here)
My aunt Carol, Mom's oldest sister, tripped and fell last Wednesday, hitting her head. She is now in the hospital in a great deal of pain, on a ventilator. At first they thought something was wrong with her bowel, so they did surgery, but found nothing.
She was moved to what Mom says is a better hospital, and now they have found pancreatitis. Unfortunately Aunt Carol has also entered into Adult Respiratory Distress Syndrome. They're not sure of the cause.
Originally we were hoping that Aunt Carol could be weaned off the ventilator and sent home in a few days, but now it's uncertain when that might happen. Mom may go to be with her (Mom's in Kentucky and Carol's in Illinois).
This is the same Aunt Carol who had a heart transplant. The Aunt Carol who suffered gangrene and had to have a toe removed. The Aunt Carol who lost her husband to a stroke. The Aunt Carol who lost her only son when he was just a teenager. The Aunt Carol who sacrificed so much to take care of her ailing mother.
My Aunt Carol has always only ever wanted to live quietly, love her family, and do her own thing--write, paint, and enjoy life. But she keeps having obstacles thrown in her way.
She's a fighter. She's gotten through everything up until now. She can get through this too.
But if you could keep her in your thoughts, we would all really appreciate it.Labels: family, health, life
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Tuesday, September 9, 2008
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I'm back, baby
posted at 4:06 PM
I went to Riverwalk for a walk during my break today, as I've been trying to get in the habit of doing. I've been going there intermittently just to look around, but since I got serious with my exercise habits I've been trying to do more. Today, for the first time, I tried jogging. Also for the first time, I went around twice.
My first lap, I jogged as much as I could, striding briskly in between. I used my iPhone's stopwatch to see how I did: 19:26.9.
For the second lap, I was quite winded, so I resolved to walk it and see how long that took. While striding along, I held my arms straight out, then straight up; then I did curls up and out to the side; then I did some punches. I was trying to simultaneously stay focused and give my arms a workout. It worked! The stopwatch says my walking time was 22:16.8.
Obviously I have a long way to go to improve my jogging. I've never been much of a runner. I always got a stitch in my side, even when I was at my best physical condition--back during the kung fu years. Today that didn't happen, but I did get pretty winded after what I consider brief periods of jogging.
But the point is I tried, and now I have a time I can work on beating.
I headed back to work feeling almost giddy. Working out hard like that is such a good feeling. I need to always hold on to that fact so I will keep doing it.
As I hung my sweat-soaked clothes on the back of the door to dry, I remembered: I used to do this. I used to get all sweaty at lunch and hang up my clothes afterwards. Back when I first started working here, I was in total explore-mode and would walk all around the area. After awhile I got out of the habit, and then I always felt that it would be so inconvenient to bring workout clothes every day, and get sweaty and then have to keep working with no time for a shower.
I don't feel that way anymore. I've been bringing workout clothes every day for weeks now, whether I actually use them or not. It's become a habit. And today's rush of good feeling proved to me that being sweaty is hardly worth worrying about.
I think I've finally purged some pretty self-destructive habits, and built some constructive ones. :)Labels: exercise, health, life, quality of life
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Thursday, August 28, 2008
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My heart has almost completely recovered
posted at 4:39 PM
I have been working very hard at leading a healthier life these past couple of months. I detailed the steps I've been taking here. I've gotten to the point where exercise in the morning is part of my routine. I bring my lunch to work a lot more, and when I do go out I make healthy choices. On days that I bring my lunch, I try to go for a walk, and I recently went to the Y during lunch when it was raining. I've also started going on 45-minute bike rides after work.
It's paid off in many ways. My measurements are shrinking, I've lost 30 pounds, and I feel wonderful. Today, I reaped yet another reward.
Last October, I was diagnosed with congestive heart failure. After six months, heart medicine had helped my heart function improve from 15 to 20% up to 35%...but I was still too far from normal, 55%, for my doctor's liking. She strongly suggested I get an implanted cardioverter-defibrillator (ICD).
At that point, I wrote, "I think that if I had worked harder to improve my diet and exercise, it would be better than it is...and I think if I work on those areas now, I can help it improve even more." And I decided to work on my diet and exercise to see if I was right.
It turns out, I was.
Today I had my echocardiogram, three months after the ICD was suggested and ten months after my diagnosis.
My ejection fraction is now 45 - 50%, just 5% away from normal.Labels: chf, health
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Wednesday, August 20, 2008
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Measuring progress
posted at 8:25 AM
As I've been working towards my weight loss and health goals, I've been tracking my weight quite a bit. I take my weight every day and put it in a little calendar. On Mondays, I put that weight into Weight Watchers Online, too. The Wii Fit takes my weight and calculates my BMI daily. And on Fridays, we have a weigh-in at work for the weight loss competition Amanda and I organized. But I haven't really done much else in terms of tracking my fitness, other than noticing I can do more things now than before.
So today I took my measurements. I had taken them when I first started on TurboJam...unfortunately, I'm not sure when that was. I also took them on June 29, almost two months ago. Here's how I stack up:
| | Undated | June 29 | August 20 | Difference |
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| chest | 48.5" | 48.5" | 47.5" | -1" |
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| right bicep | 17.5" | 15" | 14" | -3.5" |
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| left bicep | 18" | 16" | 15" | -3" |
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| waist | 48" | 47" | 45.5" | -2.5" |
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| hips | 56" | 55.5" | 53.5" | -2.5" |
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| right thigh | 30" | 29.75" | 28.5" | -1.5" |
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| left thigh | 30.5" | 30" | 28.5" | -2" |
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| right calf | - | 17 7/8" | 17" | -7/8" |
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| left calf | - | 17 7/8" | 17" | -7/8" |
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| neck | - | 16.25" | 15.5" | -0.75" |
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I'd say those are some pretty impressive changes! I'm looking forward to watching more inches "melt away", as the cliche goes.Labels: exercise, health
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Monday, July 28, 2008
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This may be too much information
posted at 2:03 PM
I was going to post about this on Twitter, but as I pondered how to put it I decided it might be too gross for some people, so instead I'm putting it on my Google-indexed blog.
:>
The other day I thought I had a bleeding rash from riding my bicycle two days in a row. I treated the area with care and didn't go biking for awhile. But it seemed to not want to heal. Sean took a look and said he couldn't find anything wrong. I checked myself and couldn't figure out where the blood was coming from.
It occurred to me that it might be a period. Several years ago when I first started biking and getting back into shape, before the whole heart failure thing, I got a period for the first time in five years. That was when I went to my first Augusta endocrinologist to get put on hormone treatments. After that, when I was on hormones I got regular periods, and when I was off I didn't.
This time, I figured maybe, since I was getting back into shape again, my body would behave as it did before. But I couldn't find any blood when I went looking. It only appeared every now and then when I wasn't thinking about it.
This morning, though, it was confirmed. It's definitely a period. It was just so light at first that it was hardly detectable. (And it's still really light...wonder how long it's going to last.)
This means nothing in terms of my fertility. Nothing. I'd like to believe that as I lose more weight, I'll be healthier and my body will feel younger and stronger. But I refuse to get my hopes up about having kids. It's just too painful when I'm disappointed.
Besides, I wasn't magically fertile again the last time this happened. I had some random periods without hormones last year. And it's happened before, too--just sporadically.
The only way this would be different would be if I got another period next month. But I probably won't. This is probably just another menopausal dump. That's what they all probably are. Here's what Sean wrote about it back in the beginning.
But despite the fact that every time this happens I resolve to be logical, I can't help but feel a little happy.
Sigh.Labels: health, tmi
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Saturday, July 26, 2008
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Fat-Free Blueberry Smoothie
posted at 10:39 AM
At-home smoothies are ridiculously easy. We had strawberry-banana smoothies at work recently, with a 1-1-1 ratio recipe of strawberries, bananas, and skim milk. Today I decided to try it with yogurt.
I used one cup frozen blueberries,
one cup Activia Fat-Free Vanilla Yogurt,
and one quite ripe banana.
Put everything into the blender (or Magic Bullet, as the case may be).
Blend.
Enjoy!
Here's the nutritional info.
| Item | Calories | Fat | Carbs | Fiber | WW Points | Blueberries | 106 | 0 | 25 | 7 | 1.5 | | Yogurt | 150 | 0 | 27 | 6 | 2 | | Banana | 121 | 0.4 | 31.1 | 3.5 | 2 | | TOTAL | 366 | 0 | 81 | 17 | 7 |
As you can see, this wouldn't be great for someone on Atkins. Even though it's almost completely fat-free, it's high enough in calories and carbs that the points are a little higher than I usually like to have for breakfast. I'd suggest halving the recipe, or making one recipe for two people.Labels: food, health, recipe
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Wednesday, July 2, 2008
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Lifestyle changes
posted at 11:15 AM
My attitude towards health and weight loss changed drastically after I was encouraged to get an ICD. Part of it was that I hadn't yet found the right tools, but I also don't think I had been taking my health nearly as seriously as I should.
It's been over a month since I committed myself to a healthier lifestyle. I joined Weight Watchers, I bought exercise videos that I actually enjoy doing, and I started forming better habits.
Here, in list format, are some of my achievements.
Good Things I've Been Doing- Following a morning routine.
- Working out each and every day.
- Not splurging on food, but not denying myself what I want, either.
- Eating out less.
- Packing lunches more.
- Weighing myself every day.
- Going to bed at the same time every night.
Things I Refuse to Allow Myself to Do- Give up on my quest for better health.
- Lose the ability to squat.
- Eat whatever I want, whenever I want.
- Not work out because I don't "feel like it".
- Have to size up my wedding ring.
- Lose flexibility.
- Be down on myself.
- Focus more on the past than on my current achievements.
I have a long way to go, but I am going to get there. I am not going to shoot myself in the foot. I am going to stay focused on my goals and I am going to do everything I can to reach them.
My most immediate goal is to avoid the ICD. I'm hoping by the end of August my heart will have recovered enough that my doctor won't think it's necessary anymore. This may not be possible. If I have to have an ICD, I have to have an ICD. But I'm going to do whatever I can do to avoid it before I have to make that decision.
My long-term goal is, of course, to get down to a healthy weight. I'm not ruling out any options. Obesity runs in my family, and it may very well be that I can't beat this without surgical assistance. But I am not going to have my intestines rerouted without doing everything I can do first.
This month has been a great start. It's going to get harder from here, and down the road. But I refuse to give up.
It's not "I'm not giving up this time". There hasn't actually been a time when I have been this motivated. In the past when I've tried to lose weight I've always lacked a true commitment, always let either my eating habits or my exercise--or both!--slide. So this is really the first time I've ever made a concerted effort to be healthy.
It's going to be the last time, too, because I'm going to stay this way for the rest of my life.Labels: health, life, quality of life
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Monday, June 16, 2008
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One week down
posted at 7:54 AM
My first week of Weight Watchers is over, and I've lost 3.4 pounds.
I'm at such a high weight, and my weight has fluctuated so much, that 3.4 pounds doesn't seem like all that much. Most crap diets have you losing 10 pounds the first week. But I'm taking heart from this. First of all, Weight Watchers isn't a crap diet; it's a lifestyle change. I have been shocked by my eating habits this past week. I never really thought about how many times I feel "hungry" in a given day. This week I learned how to wait.
Secondly, 3.4 pounds is an achievement. I've actually been checking my weight every day, and it has consistently gone down this week. That's not always going to be the case, but it has been helpful in keeping me going so far. It's not really healthy to lose more than a couple pounds a week, and I want to do this in a healthy way.
I slipped up several times this week--there were days I went over my point limit--but Weight Watchers gives you extra points each week, and I didn't use all of those up. My crowning achievement has to be last night, when I had enough points left for dessert, but decided I wasn't hungry and didn't have any. (!)
I really feel that this is something I can stick with, and that is largely due to Weight Watchers' online tools. A few years ago I purchased Diet Power, and it did everything I could possibly want to help me diet...it tracked not only calories, but pretty much everything, and auto-adjusted based on weight loss and how much you ate and exercised. But it's a desktop application, with no web version. To have it with you anywhere, you had to export your data and take it with you, then install the application wherever you were and import your data. I typically only used Diet Power at home, which meant that I wasn't checking throughout the day to make sure I was on track. The software also took up a lot of processing power, so I'd tend to leave it off and then forget about using it.
Weight Watchers doesn't track everything Diet Power tracks, but it tracks what matters. Maybe not tracking every single mineral is a good thing. I like that I can input foods with just three values: calories, total fat, and fiber. I don't have to know, for example, how much iron there is. It's something less to worry about. And the food database is quite robust; often I don't have to add the item I'm eating, because it's already there.
But the best part is, of course, that I can get to the site from any computer with internet access, which means I can stay on track all day. Weight Watchers seems to have many more online tools I can use, too, as I get adjusted.
I'm doing well so far with tracking points and sticking to my limit. I'm going to focus on that this week as well. But I'm also going to try to increase the number of times I work out. I only exercised a few days last week; I'm going to shoot for every day this week.
Every time I've tried to lose weight in the past, I've failed. But I cannot afford to give up this time. There's too much at stake.
And I want to achieve this. I want to know that if I stick to a plan over time, I can accomplish great things. There is so much I want to do with my life, but if I don't get over this fear of commitment I seem to have, I never will.Labels: health, life, quality of life
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Saturday, June 14, 2008
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Things can change, if you work for it
posted at 12:18 PM
Last year, before I was diagnosed with congestive heart failure, I got exhausted walking just a few feet. When I went to Augusta's Riverwalk to enjoy the scenery and take pictures, I had to stop and sit down every couple of minutes. The idea of walking all the way from one end to the other and back seemed ludicrous. I didn't know when I'd gotten so out of shape, but it felt like no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't build up any strength.
It's been six months since I was diagnosed. Heart medicine has helped my heart rebuild itself--not completely, but about halfway. I've found myself feeling better and better. Other than some weird symptoms in my left eye--an intermittent, enveloping blurriness, a higher level of irritability, and lately a weird flashing in the periphery--I feel good. I feel normal. I've been able to walk farther and farther, and do aerobics, and ride my bike again.
I knew I was doing well when I walked the North Augusta Greeneway with Brooke and felt like I could keep going forever. But it didn't really hit me how much I've improved until I went to Riverwalk on Thursday. Without feeling tired in the least, I walked the full length and then walked back...and the only reason I ever sat down was because I'd foolishly chosen to wear sandals instead of sneakers.
I can't describe how that difference makes me feel. I'm an extremely independent-minded person, and stubborn to boot, and not being able to walk even short distances had a huge effect on my personal happiness. I hated it. I hated life, and I hated myself, and I felt helpless to change it.
That diagnosis was the best thing that could have happened to me.
A lot of people are scared to go to the doctor because they're afraid of what they might find out. They'd rather keep going along, blissfully ignorant.
If that's you...take it from me. Please don't. Please go to the doctor.
You may get a scary diagnosis, sure. But you may also find out that there's treatment, and that you can live a normal life again. You can be strong again. You can do the things you want to do again.
When you do go to the doctor, don't let them make a snap diagnosis. Bring notes. Tell them all your symptoms. Tell them how your quality of life has changed. My doctor wouldn't have even thought of heart failure if it hadn't been for my mom reminding him that I used to bike for hours.
And once you have that diagnosis, don't run away from it. Do everything your doctor says. Don't stop taking your meds when you start to feel better. Don't skip appointments with your doctor, or stop going entirely. Keep a journal of how you're feeling, and make note of any new symptoms, and let your doctor know. It's a hassle, and it might make you feel resentful...but that's still better than losing your ability to function, and dying too soon.
Make a commitment to enjoy life. You have things you want to do, don't you? Do them. And do what your doctor says so that you're able to do the things you want to do. Take charge of your health, and take care of yourself. You'll feel better.
I certainly do.Labels: health, quality of life
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Sunday, May 25, 2008
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My previous post title is apropos
posted at 4:48 PM
It turns out it wasn't a black and white issue. I thought it would be one of two possible outcomes; it never occurred to me that there'd be one in the middle.
My heart has recovered...some. My ejection fraction is now 35. An average person's EF is over 55. My doctor says this is good news, but she still recommends the implanted cardioverter-defibrillator. However, the decision is up to me.
Dr. G explained to me that when they implant the ICD, they purposefully put you into V-fib to see if it works. If not, they shock you the old-fashioned way to keep you from dying, and then change the settings.
That kind of bothered me. If I haven't gone into V-fib ever, it seems to me like putting me into it intentionally only increases the chances that it will happen again.
When I got home I read about the procedure to implant the ICD and what recovery is like. Obviously it involves surgery. The surgeon creates a "pocket" under the collarbone, like they do for a pacemaker, and a lead (or three) goes down a vein to the heart. You're not put all the way under, but there is a sedative.
As with any surgery, I imagine there's a chance of death during the procedure.
If I do this, I will have a device stuck in my body that will be noticeable through the skin. Plus I'll have a scar. Plus, they pretty much never remove these things, even if you get better.
If I don't do this, and I ever do go into V-fib, or my heart is otherwise irregular, I won't have anything to save me from sudden cardiac death.
The issue, to my way of thinking, is whether or not I am in grave danger of my heartbeat becoming irregular or stopping. This may just be the heart meds talking, or my complete lack of desire to undergo surgery again...but I don't feel like I am. I think my heart has improved a great deal in the almost six months since I was diagnosed, and I believe it will continue to improve. I think that if I had worked harder to improve my diet and exercise, it would be better than it is...and I think if I work on those areas now, I can help it improve even more.
At this point, I feel like waiting and seeing what happens.
I have an appointment next month with the doctor who does the procedure, then a follow-up with Dr. G in July. By then it will have been eight months since my diagnosis.
Some heart patients apparently wait nine months to see if their heart has recovered, so why not wait that extra month and then have another echo before I undergo life-altering surgery?
That's basically where I am right now. Obviously, I'm going to talk with more people and learn as much as I can, to try and make the most informed choice.Labels: chf, health, life, quality of life
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Thursday, May 22, 2008
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To defib or not to defib
posted at 10:06 AM
It's been about six months since I was diagnosed with congestive heart failure and started on medication. Today's the day I get my heart echoed again to see if it has recovered.
If it hasn't recovered, then it probably won't. This will mean I will have to have a defibrillator implanted in my chest, to restart my heart in case it happens to stop. With medication, I will still feel normal (as I have felt for the past few months), but my heart won't actually be normal.
I am not sure if this is like a pacemaker, meaning I can't be near microwaves and cell phones, or not. I basically put that knowledge off, because I figured there's no sense in worrying about it if it doesn't even happen. Of course, now the not knowing is bothering me.
If my heart has recovered, I will feel normal (as I have for the past few months) and my heart will be normal. Obviously I'm hoping for this outcome.Labels: health, life
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Wednesday, February 27, 2008
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Daily routine
posted at 9:15 AM
Here's a list of things I would like to get done during the course of a day.
Morning, ideally:
-do a full stretching routine
-go for a walk or work out in some other way
-shower and put on makeup
-eat breakfast
-pack lunches
-do freelance work for an hour and a half (two or three days a week)
-work on writing/AMRN stuff
-plan, prepare, and shop for dinner
-mess around online or watch videos for 15-30 mins (I always tend to do this in the morning, so why not plan for it?)
Lunchtime:
-eat lunch while working
-go on a walk or work out at the Y during actual lunch hour
Evening:
-cook and eat dinner
-ride the bike (on its stand)
-relax
I am going to go ahead and post this, but it's incomplete. I need to figure out how long each morning thing would take me and how early I would have to get up to accomplish it all. I think the writing and freelance work would have to be on alternate days, but even then would it be practical? Because I have to start working out in the morning regularly; there is just no way I can't.
Also, I obviously can't try to start doing everything at once after I've nailed down a routine. I'll have to come up with a good plan and then start adding each item one at a time every week or two. I'm already set to start freelance this Friday, so I guess that'll be the first thing.Labels: health, life, money, quality of life
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Sunday, February 24, 2008
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The ultimate work(out) station
posted at 10:46 PM
I want a new desk for work.
This desk needs to support two monitors, one CRT and one LCD, an oversize keyboard, and a phone. Ideally it would also have room for a printer or two and a way to keep the CPU itself off the floor.
The work surface should raise and lower so that I can either stand or sit.
The desk should have one file drawer and one or two miscellaneous drawers.
It should also have a fold-out treadmill and a fold-out exercise bike that will retract into the desk when not in use. Ideally the controls for these would be built into the desk, as would retractable hand grips.
I can almost picture how this desk would work. It would have to be at least L-shaped, if not U-shaped. The arm or arms would contain the exercise equipment. There are already products that can raise a monitor and keyboard; for this desk they would just have to raise two monitors at once. I'd prefer it to look snazzy, so instead of a product sitting on top of the desk, I'd prefer the desk itself be adjustable. That would ensure that there would be space for the exercise equipment to fold out and lock in, as well.
Okay, universe, you have your assignment. When can I expect to see this desk in my office?Labels: design, exercise, health
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Sunday, February 10, 2008
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Hospital observation
posted at 12:17 AM
In the hospital again! (And looking great, I might add.)
So, yesterday at work something odd and scary happened to me.
I was down in the studio with the chief engineer, working on graphics for one of the weather computers. I had gotten a bit flustered about a problem and was trying to make sure it got resolved before I went back to my desk. There were a few people in the weather center and all the chairs were taken; the chief engineer was crouching and I was standing up.
I got tired of standing so I knelt on the floor in seiza, the formal sitting position where you fold your legs under yourself--you've probably seen it in anime or martial arts. Your legs can easily go to sleep in this position. I wasn't thinking about the poor circulation it would afford me and how that might not be so great since I'm on diuretics; I was just pleased that I could still sit that way.
At some point the weather guys were talking to the engineer. They were all standing up and talking over my head and I was sort of listening to them. All of a sudden, I felt myself falling forward. Then I felt myself catch myself. It was kind of like how you start to fall asleep and then jerk awake suddenly, except I was lucid the entire time. I could still hear everyone talking as blurriness filled my vision until I couldn't see. I've had that sort of thing happen before, a lot actually, since I started heart medication, but it usually went away in a second or two. This time it lasted as long as it took me to finally wrest control of my muscles and stand up, a surreal passage of seconds during which I felt myself jerk backwards over and over uncontrollably.
I don't know how severe it was or how long it actually lasted, but I didn't fall down and no one even noticed. Their conversation continued as I was finally able to reach out and stabilize myself against the desk to pull myself to my feet.
"I just had some sort of seizure," I said, for lack of a better explanation, "so I'm going to go call my doctor." Everyone called after me in surprise as I strode out of the weather center and back up the stairs. I continued to be blase about it until I had gotten to my desk, made the call, and gotten the machine. As I described the problem my voice started shaking and then it was a huge struggle not to cry.
Once I was done leaving the message for my heart doctor I tried to go back to working, but I couldn't concentrate and I was starting to feel freaked out. One of the directors came in to make graphics for her show, and she started chit-chatting with me, and I couldn't do much but babble in response. Finally I said, "I'm not really coherent right now because I just had a seizure or something."
"Are you okay?!" She started asking questions and I felt overwhelmed so I finally just said | |
