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Wednesday, July 2, 2008
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Lifestyle changes
posted at 11:15 AM  
My attitude towards health and weight loss changed drastically after I was encouraged to get an ICD. Part of it was that I hadn't yet found the right tools, but I also don't think I had been taking my health nearly as seriously as I should.
It's been over a month since I committed myself to a healthier lifestyle. I joined Weight Watchers, I bought exercise videos that I actually enjoy doing, and I started forming better habits.
Here, in list format, are some of my achievements.
Good Things I've Been Doing- Following a morning routine.
- Working out each and every day.
- Not splurging on food, but not denying myself what I want, either.
- Eating out less.
- Packing lunches more.
- Weighing myself every day.
- Going to bed at the same time every night.
Things I Refuse to Allow Myself to Do- Give up on my quest for better health.
- Lose the ability to squat.
- Eat whatever I want, whenever I want.
- Not work out because I don't "feel like it".
- Have to size up my wedding ring.
- Lose flexibility.
- Be down on myself.
- Focus more on the past than on my current achievements.
I have a long way to go, but I am going to get there. I am not going to shoot myself in the foot. I am going to stay focused on my goals and I am going to do everything I can to reach them.
My most immediate goal is to avoid the ICD. I'm hoping by the end of August my heart will have recovered enough that my doctor won't think it's necessary anymore. This may not be possible. If I have to have an ICD, I have to have an ICD. But I'm going to do whatever I can do to avoid it before I have to make that decision.
My long-term goal is, of course, to get down to a healthy weight. I'm not ruling out any options. Obesity runs in my family, and it may very well be that I can't beat this without surgical assistance. But I am not going to have my intestines rerouted without doing everything I can do first.
This month has been a great start. It's going to get harder from here, and down the road. But I refuse to give up.
It's not "I'm not giving up this time". There hasn't actually been a time when I have been this motivated. In the past when I've tried to lose weight I've always lacked a true commitment, always let either my eating habits or my exercise--or both!--slide. So this is really the first time I've ever made a concerted effort to be healthy.
It's going to be the last time, too, because I'm going to stay this way for the rest of my life.Labels: health, life, quality of life
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Monday, June 16, 2008
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One week down
posted at 7:54 AM
My first week of Weight Watchers is over, and I've lost 3.4 pounds.
I'm at such a high weight, and my weight has fluctuated so much, that 3.4 pounds doesn't seem like all that much. Most crap diets have you losing 10 pounds the first week. But I'm taking heart from this. First of all, Weight Watchers isn't a crap diet; it's a lifestyle change. I have been shocked by my eating habits this past week. I never really thought about how many times I feel "hungry" in a given day. This week I learned how to wait.
Secondly, 3.4 pounds is an achievement. I've actually been checking my weight every day, and it has consistently gone down this week. That's not always going to be the case, but it has been helpful in keeping me going so far. It's not really healthy to lose more than a couple pounds a week, and I want to do this in a healthy way.
I slipped up several times this week--there were days I went over my point limit--but Weight Watchers gives you extra points each week, and I didn't use all of those up. My crowning achievement has to be last night, when I had enough points left for dessert, but decided I wasn't hungry and didn't have any. (!)
I really feel that this is something I can stick with, and that is largely due to Weight Watchers' online tools. A few years ago I purchased Diet Power, and it did everything I could possibly want to help me diet...it tracked not only calories, but pretty much everything, and auto-adjusted based on weight loss and how much you ate and exercised. But it's a desktop application, with no web version. To have it with you anywhere, you had to export your data and take it with you, then install the application wherever you were and import your data. I typically only used Diet Power at home, which meant that I wasn't checking throughout the day to make sure I was on track. The software also took up a lot of processing power, so I'd tend to leave it off and then forget about using it.
Weight Watchers doesn't track everything Diet Power tracks, but it tracks what matters. Maybe not tracking every single mineral is a good thing. I like that I can input foods with just three values: calories, total fat, and fiber. I don't have to know, for example, how much iron there is. It's something less to worry about. And the food database is quite robust; often I don't have to add the item I'm eating, because it's already there.
But the best part is, of course, that I can get to the site from any computer with internet access, which means I can stay on track all day. Weight Watchers seems to have many more online tools I can use, too, as I get adjusted.
I'm doing well so far with tracking points and sticking to my limit. I'm going to focus on that this week as well. But I'm also going to try to increase the number of times I work out. I only exercised a few days last week; I'm going to shoot for every day this week.
Every time I've tried to lose weight in the past, I've failed. But I cannot afford to give up this time. There's too much at stake.
And I want to achieve this. I want to know that if I stick to a plan over time, I can accomplish great things. There is so much I want to do with my life, but if I don't get over this fear of commitment I seem to have, I never will.Labels: health, life, quality of life
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Saturday, June 14, 2008
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Casserole Spaghetti
posted at 11:25 AM
The other night I made this recipe from my 501 Delicious Heart Healthy Recipes cookbook. It took a very long time--after mixing the ingredients on the stove I had to let them simmer for an hour, then mix in more ingredients, put it all in a casserole dish, and bake. So this recipe maybe isn't something you do on a weeknight...but Sean says it's definitely worth the wait. He had three helpings. "You have to make this more often," he said.
1 1/2 pounds ground round
1 1/2 cups chopped onion
1 cup chopped green bell pepper
1/2 cup chopped celery
2 garlic cloves, crushed
1 (10 3/4 ounce) can reduced-fat, reduced-sodium cream of mushroom soup, undiluted
3/4 cup water
1 (14.5 ounce) can no-salt-added whole tomatoes, undrained and chopped
2 tablespoons chili powder
1/8 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1 (8 ounce) package spaghetti
2 ounces reduced-fat sharp Cheddar cheese, cut into 1/2-inch cubes
2 tablespoons chopped pimiento-stuffed olives Cooking spray
1/2 cup (2 ounces) shredded reduced-fat sharp Cheddar cheese
1. Cook first five ingredients in a Dutch oven, stirring until meat crumbles; drain well, and return to Dutch oven. Stir in soup and next 5 ingredients. Bring to a boil over medium heat. Cover, reduce heat, and simmer 1 hour, stirring occasionally.
2. Preheat oven to 325 degrees.
3. Cook spaghetti according to package directions, omitting salt and fat; drain.
4. Stir spaghetti, cheese cubes, and olives into meat sauce. Spoon mixture into a 13x9-inch baking dish coated with cooking spray. Cover and bake at 325 for 20 minutes or until thoroughly heated. Sprinkle with 1/2 cup shredded cheese, and bake, uncovered, 10 additional minutes. Yield: 8 servings.
Notes: I didn't use lean beef; I used ground chuck. I did not use olives at all. Also, I didn't have any shredded cheddar cheese, so I didn't do the last part. And finally, I used minced garlic from a jar rather than fresh. Regardless of all this, the casserole still tasted great.Labels: food, life, photos
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Tuesday, June 10, 2008
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Oh, what a shock, Twitter is over capacity!
posted at 11:01 AM
If you've been following my tweets, you know I've started Weight Watchers. Maybe that has something to do with the absolutely foul mood I've been in lately. I hate not being able to do whatever I want whenever I want. (I'm such an American.)
I actually feel pretty good, health-wise. And I don't feel like I'm stressing out. I'm just getting annoyed by everything.
Rassafrassin'...
I do most of my whining on Twitter these days, but as usual, it's over capacity. Or as my friend Chris would put it, the FailWhale is up. So here I am, posting nothing on my blog, because this is how much I want to complain.
Sorry, universe, if I overload you with negative energy today.Labels: life
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Sunday, May 25, 2008
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My previous post title is apropos
posted at 4:48 PM
It turns out it wasn't a black and white issue. I thought it would be one of two possible outcomes; it never occurred to me that there'd be one in the middle.
My heart has recovered...some. My ejection fraction is now 35. An average person's EF is over 55. My doctor says this is good news, but she still recommends the implanted cardioverter-defibrillator. However, the decision is up to me.
Dr. G explained to me that when they implant the ICD, they purposefully put you into V-fib to see if it works. If not, they shock you the old-fashioned way to keep you from dying, and then change the settings.
That kind of bothered me. If I haven't gone into V-fib ever, it seems to me like putting me into it intentionally only increases the chances that it will happen again.
When I got home I read about the procedure to implant the ICD and what recovery is like. Obviously it involves surgery. The surgeon creates a "pocket" under the collarbone, like they do for a pacemaker, and a lead (or three) goes down a vein to the heart. You're not put all the way under, but there is a sedative.
As with any surgery, I imagine there's a chance of death during the procedure.
If I do this, I will have a device stuck in my body that will be noticeable through the skin. Plus I'll have a scar. Plus, they pretty much never remove these things, even if you get better.
If I don't do this, and I ever do go into V-fib, or my heart is otherwise irregular, I won't have anything to save me from sudden cardiac death.
The issue, to my way of thinking, is whether or not I am in grave danger of my heartbeat becoming irregular or stopping. This may just be the heart meds talking, or my complete lack of desire to undergo surgery again...but I don't feel like I am. I think my heart has improved a great deal in the almost six months since I was diagnosed, and I believe it will continue to improve. I think that if I had worked harder to improve my diet and exercise, it would be better than it is...and I think if I work on those areas now, I can help it improve even more.
At this point, I feel like waiting and seeing what happens.
I have an appointment next month with the doctor who does the procedure, then a follow-up with Dr. G in July. By then it will have been eight months since my diagnosis.
Some heart patients apparently wait nine months to see if their heart has recovered, so why not wait that extra month and then have another echo before I undergo life-altering surgery?
That's basically where I am right now. Obviously, I'm going to talk with more people and learn as much as I can, to try and make the most informed choice.Labels: chf, health, life, quality of life
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Thursday, May 22, 2008
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To defib or not to defib
posted at 10:06 AM
It's been about six months since I was diagnosed with congestive heart failure and started on medication. Today's the day I get my heart echoed again to see if it has recovered.
If it hasn't recovered, then it probably won't. This will mean I will have to have a defibrillator implanted in my chest, to restart my heart in case it happens to stop. With medication, I will still feel normal (as I have felt for the past few months), but my heart won't actually be normal.
I am not sure if this is like a pacemaker, meaning I can't be near microwaves and cell phones, or not. I basically put that knowledge off, because I figured there's no sense in worrying about it if it doesn't even happen. Of course, now the not knowing is bothering me.
If my heart has recovered, I will feel normal (as I have for the past few months) and my heart will be normal. Obviously I'm hoping for this outcome.Labels: health, life
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Saturday, May 17, 2008
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Okay, how about this?
posted at 6:43 PM
I've lived with Apartment Arrangement Option 5 for two weeks now...and I've decided I hate it.
My goal was to create comfortable home bases for me and Sean while expanding seating areas for visitors. What ended up happening was Sean would sit on my couch to play video games or watch DVDs. If you remember, I moved his area to be against the wall. That ended up being fine for using his laptops, but not for just relaxing, so he'd lounge out on the big couch when he wanted to do that. I like sitting next to him, don't get me wrong, but if he feels like stretching out, there's no room for me.
Another problem is that the loveseat, along the wall next to him, became a dumping ground for stuff while serving zero purpose in terms of seating. It turns out it's just awkwardly placed, with no decent views of anything.
Yesterday I came home to find Sean and his dad sitting on my couch, and that made me fully realize how inconvenient the layout is. The couch offers the best view of the TV, so obviously guests would want to sit there...meaning I probably get cut off from my laptop, which I don't really like moving around.
It didn't solve the problems after all; it just shifted them.
I'd been unhappy for days, but that galvanized my need to do something. So I went back to my Photoshop file and messed around some more. A lot more. Until eventually, finally, I came up with Apartment Arrangement Option 10, a revision of Option 5.
See how Sean and I will have our own departmentalized seating areas? But we can both move to the main couch, directly in front of the TV, and snuggle together if we want. It's the best I could do, given our ridiculously narrow living room with its inconvenient doors and bizarro closet jutting into the room.
Sean's agreed to try it, but he said "Not today". ;> So we'll see how this does, here in a couple of days. Wish us luck :>Labels: design, life, quality of life
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Sunday, April 6, 2008
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A nice community
posted at 11:11 AM
I really like where we live. It's very convenient to all the west Augusta amenities, but because it's back away from main roads, it feels secluded and private, and people here are typically friendly. I'm not sure I know of any other community like this in the area. There are nice, quiet places on the outskirts, of course, but none so convenient to everything that I can think of.
At one time I was convinced that I wanted to move, but I've made the apartment more homey since then and I really can't think of anywhere else I would want to live at the moment. Even North Augusta, where I have wanted to live for some time, can't really offer me the privacy and convenience that this place can.
That said, I do wish our community had sidewalks...and bike trails would be awesome. I would also like it if there was a grocery store within walking or biking distance. Technically Kroger is not all that far, but I'm not sure I would feel safe biking on skinny Flowing Wells Road.
I have an idea for an ideal community that someday, when I have money to invest, I'd like to develop.Labels: life, plans, quality of life
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A nice walk
posted at 10:56 AM
This morning I walked around the neighborhood. It had been a long time and I felt like seeing everything. I headed left out of the apartment complex and walked down every side road to the left until I got to the end of the main road where construction is still going on. There I looked around to see if I could figure out what the future plans are, but I couldn't really tell. I'm hoping they're not planning to extend the road to meet Wrightsboro or some other road because that might turn our quiet little community into a high-traffic area.
After that I turned around and headed back up, but instead of going straight home I turned left into some more townhomes. I moved through one community, turned left, turned left again, and walked back towards the pond. There's a nice dead end street I like to visit that I hadn't been to in awhile, so I walked down there, then turned around and headed back out. Finally I crossed the main road again and went back to the apartment. In all, I walked for more than an hour.
The morning was beautiful. It rained a lot yesterday and last night, so everything was clean and glistening. I saw a few people walking and a lot of people getting into their cars to go to church; we all said "good morning" to each other.
By the time I got home I was pretty pooped, but it was a wonderful feeling.Labels: exercise, life
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Tuesday, April 1, 2008
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Cemeteries
posted at 1:51 PM
Recently there has been what news organizations might call a rash of cemetery thefts in the area. People are, understandably, upset; they've spend tens to hundreds of dollars decorating the plots of their loved ones, only to have those decorations taken by someone else.
For me, though, this all begs the question: why spend so much money to leave flowers in a field?
Your lost loved one is gone. There's no way of knowing if they see you putting flowers on their grave. The act of decorating gravesites is for the mourner, not the deceased--it's a way of keeping that person's memory alive. Why, I ask, do you have to do it in this certain way?
I say, remember your loved ones in a more special way. Scrapbook. Set aside a certain day or time to think about them. Tell your kids/friends/family stories about them. Write about them. Cook their favorite meal and enjoy it with others who miss them.
You can't buy meaning.
I haven't lost a lot of friends or family, knock on wood. My great-grandmother is buried in Mount Sterling, and I think I know where the cemetery is...but I haven't been there since she was interred. I remember her when I'm at the farm, and through my grandmother, and through the stories my dad tells. When I think about growing my hair out, I think about how she apparently had hair down to her ankles when she was younger--quite a feat, even if she was barely over four feet tall.
My grandfather died close to a decade ago. I know where he's buried, but I have only been there once or twice. However, for many years I drove his car, and every time I got behind the wheel I thought of him. Whenever I see cute old men I think of how cute he got towards the end, and how he was always flirting with his nurses. I will always remember his bright blue eyes and how joyful they always seemed. And even though I lost it in the fire, I will always remember that last picture I took with him.
I just don't think we need a location to go to for remembering. I think we are the best vessels for that. No matter where we are, the ones we love are with us in our memories. We can bring them anywhere we want to, and share them with whomever we choose.
In a few hundred years, when all available land is filled with cemeteries, will we think they are as important as we seem to think they are now?
I would rather be cremated and strewn in a garden. There doesn't need to be a marker. I'm forward-thinking. Things change. That garden might need to become homes, or it might need to transition back into wild territory. The needs of the living should not take a backseat to the dead.
Those remains are not your loved one. Your loved one is inside you and everyone they knew and in the world they shaped through their life. Not in the ground. I don't see the point of using up so much land to create a place that you end up going to out of a sense of duty, and not a desire to honor the lost.
There is going to come a time when our descendants have to decide what to do with all the cemeteries, unless something changes now.Labels: environment, life
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Tuesday, March 18, 2008
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My freezer is ridiculous
posted at 6:51 PM
So today I went and bought a zillion frozen dinners. Healthy Choice, Lean Cuisine, and Smart Ones. If it looked remotely appealing, it went in the cart. I tried to keep them below 600 grams of sodium, but that was impossible in some cases. I also got some frozen Indian dinners...chicken tikka masala, etc. I was pretty much out of luck with those in terms of sodium, but right next to them were some vegetarian dinners that had 350 grams...so I got both.
I also picked up a bag of frozen chicken, because I had the niggling feeling that I hadn't been able to find any lately.
When I got home, I took everything out of the freezer in order to make things fit. I stacked the frozen dinners in the back and juggled most of the frozen veggies into the door. Then I started trying to fit all the meat back in.
I discovered during the course of all this that I already had three bags of frozen chicken in there.
One bag only had one chicken breast left, and it looked pretty crystallized so I threw it away. I also tossed a mostly-empty carton of ice cream and a mostly-empty tub of Cool Whip. Then I rearranged and rearranged and rearranged, trying to make it work. But no matter what I tried, I couldn't get the door to close.
Finally I gave up and I threw away the oldest bag of chicken. It looked pretty crystallized anyway. As for the rest...well, let's just say that tonight's dinner will consist of:
- Hella frozen french fries
- Hella steamed veggies
Labels: food, life
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Tuesday, March 11, 2008
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Thanks, Mom and Dad
posted at 4:17 PM
I love you.Labels: dad, life, mom
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Sunday, March 9, 2008
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Brooke and Heather Day
posted at 1:08 PM
I took Wednesday off from work so I could spend the day with Brooke. We went on a few adventures.
First, we headed out to Thurmond Dam, by way of Pollard's Corner.
This is the way Brooke always used to go to the lake. Pollard's Corner is also on the way to Lincolnton, where I worked briefly in the summer of 2005.
After our stop to pick up sodas and snacks, we headed on to the dam. We went through Georgia until we got to the dam, which is different from the way I went last time. Last time I took 28 through Columbia County and into McCormick County before I got to the lake and river. This time we drove right over the dam to get to the Visitors Center.
The center was open, so we went in and looked at all the displays explaining about J. Strom Thurmond Dam. My favorite part was the window-walled room with views of the lake and pictures and discussions of the wildlife. We had a lot of fun with the bird call recordings; click here.
We went outside and took some pictures of the lake and dam, but it was pretty cold so we soon hopped back in the car and headed on. At this point we hit the field with the old turbine display.
Then we headed towards the dam...but instead of going immediately to the main observation area, we drove down to the boat ramp. I hadn't done that last time because I figured the road just ended at the water, but it turned out there was a broad parking lot there, and some great views of the river and dam.
Once we had our fill of this angle, we headed up to the observation area, where we snapped photos and sat in a porch swing for awhile.
Click here for a video.
On our way back from the dam, we stopped at the Bartram Trail golf community to see what we thought. The houses were mostly okay, but the yards were pretty small, and we didn't think we would want to live there. I'd previously had high hopes for the area so I was fairly disappointed, but I'm not expecting to ever live in a house that large anyway. Brooke and David are looking for a larger-sized home so they can host family from England, so it was unfortunate that the yards didn't meet Brooke's expectations.
Following that we went on a more mundane (but no less fun!) adventure:
After Brooke beat the pants off me for three games, we decided to go to downtown Augusta for awhile, picking up David on the way.
After that we stopped at the grocery store for supplies and then went to my apartment for dinner and Eton mess, which is ridiculously easy to make and amazingly delicious.
It was a long, fun day. I'm glad we were able to spend so much time together!Labels: brooke, exploring, life, photos, video
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Holding on
posted at 12:35 PM
Originally written as a comment on Marie's blog.
I've always been pretty bad about wanting to hang on to things. Visiting my mother's family in Illinois as a child, I had two experiences that shocked me and made me think that maybe I was hanging on too tight.
The first was with my cousin Cary. We built a diorama out of paper and aluminum foil of some pretend land. When we were done, my cousin exclaimed, "And the best part about Imaginary World? Destroying it!" And she proceeded to tear what we had just created to shreds.
I was so horrified I couldn't even react.
Later that same trip, at my Aunt Carol's house, Carol was teaching me to crochet. I made a long, thin, curly something that I thought was pretty neat.
"Now for the fun part," Carol intoned. "Destroying it!" And she started to pull at the yarn, tugging the loops apart at the end. (Obviously Cary and Carol spent a fair amount of time together.)
This time I thought quickly enough to protest. "No!" I cried. "Don't destroy it! I want to keep it!"
Carol was taken aback by this. Her previous excitement vanished, and the crocheting session ended.
Her reaction made me wonder if I was being silly. I wondered if I should go along with the destruction to please her.
But I've always been stubborn. I said nothing further and kept the strip of woven yarn.
And I kept it for years. In fact, if it hadn't been for our apartment fire three years ago, I'd still have it, 20 years after disingenuously crocheting it.
Sometimes I wonder if that fire was meant to show me that I hang on too much.Labels: life, storytelling
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Saturday, March 1, 2008
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Office evolution
posted at 1:31 PM
This is what my office looked like originally.
At first I shared the office with a full-time graphic designer. Nowadays I have the office to myself, except when various people come in and use the graphics computer.
When that change first happened, I rearranged the desks like this:
This was okay for many months. I really liked having the extra work space that the second L-shaped desk gave me. However, the room was really cluttered, and I felt I could do more with the space if that second desk was taken out. I ended up trading it for my boss' old desk, and I put the graphics computer on her desk rather than the flimsy white table it had been sitting on. Everyone was pleased to be using a real desk at last, and I was happy that the room was more open. You can see that layout in this movie I took at Christmas time, and in these two pictures:
However, the loss of the arm of that second L-shaped desk eliminated what I considered to be useful privacy. Now I had people coming up standing behind me all the time, which was the last thing I wanted to encourage. It's just not feng shui.
So I spent a few months pondering what sort of furniture arrangement would make it so that people wouldn't stand behind me, and also allow better traffic flow through the office, since it's essentially a hallway these days. Finally I drew up a floorplan of the room using the ceiling tiles as measurements, and that enabled me to move things around without actually moving them...so I tried lots of different arrangements that I hadn't considered before.
That led me to this work-in-progress:
It may not look like much in the pictures, but I got it rearranged a bit more after I took them, and I think it's going to be pretty sweet when I'm all finished (and I've had a chance to dust, yeesh). Only time will tell if it'll keep people from coming up behind me, but the idea is that the arm of the d | |
