Martyr syndrome

It occurs to me that I have severe martyr syndrome.

I am always describing my situation in a helpless “well, this is just how it is” way, tinged with sadness.

What is the purpose of doing this? Do I want people to feel sorry for me? Why? What do I want them to do once they feel sorry for me? It’s not like they can fix things. Do I just want sympathy? Do I want attention? Do I want my “victim” feelings validated?

If I am a victim of anything, it’s my own choices. I am not an actual martyr.

If I want things, I need to fight for them. More than just saying “It would be nice if…” and then giving up immediately when I hit any sort of resistance.

I seem to be so afraid to commit to things that I accept any excuse. “Oh, I can’t do X because so-and-so doesn’t want to. I will adjust to what they want instead.” Anything that I “lose” by doing this is my own fault.

I am not sure what to do about this realization.

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