I had planned to visit Atlanta over the long weekend. I booked a hotel for last Friday through this coming Wednesday. I was going to do “Atlanta things”—all the things I used to do when I lived there.
Friday arrived, the day I was supposed to pack and drive down, and…I didn’t want to go. After waffling about it a little, writing out some thoughts, and talking with Sean, I canceled the trip.
It’s taken me a little while to really understand why I didn’t want to go, but I think I’ve got it now. At the time, when I was listing out pros and cons of canceling, one of the pros was that I wouldn’t have to lug so much stuff and drive so far just to do things that I used to do regularly. After all, this wasn’t really a vacation. I wouldn’t be seeing anything new or exciting.
And that, I realized, is the crux of it. I wanted to go on this trip originally because I was unhappy, because I was away from my home and I wanted to go back and “live” there again. This is also why my post announcing our move is titled “We moved.” and not “We moved!” Even though moving was the right choice, and I am very glad we are here, for months I felt disconnected and sad because everything was different. I don’t like this apartment layout as much as our old one. I miss our old complex’s trees. I miss all the places I used to go. I miss the routine I had slowly established over 12 years.
But time passed, and we started making this apartment ours. I’ve spent a ton of time with my family, which has been amazing. I stopped feeling uncomfortable in my own home and started feeling normal.
The appeal of hauling a bunch of junk down to Atlanta and pretending I still lived there is gone.
I’m still not completely adjusted to life here, but I don’t feel bad about that anymore. I feel kind of excited. There are new things to discover, things I didn’t get to experience because I moved away 20 years ago. Now I’m back and I can relearn my home state.
And I cannot emphasize enough how much being close to my family means to me. Starting from almost the day I moved to Georgia in 2003 I wanted to move back. Family is just so important to me, and I love being able to spend so much time with the people I love.
I loved my life in Augusta, and I loved my life in Atlanta. I grew and changed in ways I wouldn’t have if I’d stayed in Kentucky. I’m thankful for that. And I do still miss Augusta, and I will continue missing Atlanta too.
But it’s time for a new adventure.