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I need to calm down.

Friday and yesterday I had to work full days, 7 to almost 4 pm without any semblance of a break. Yes, that’s right friends, no 15 minute breaks, and no lunch break. It’s impossible to take breaks when the phone could ring at any moment and you’re the only one to answer it. My situation may be similar today, if my coworker hasn’t gotten over her fever yet.

The scary thing is that she has to work like this every day. Sometimes 10 to 4, but sometimes 10 to 10.

It makes me angry to think about this. It also makes me angry to think about other things that I want to fix and don’t have the authority to do anything about. It makes me angry because I feel that my ideas are ignored rather than implemented. It makes me angry because I literally see no way out of this situation.

Once again, I’m thinking about quitting.

But I just need to calm down. I’m emotional because my period started over the weekend. And I’m unhappy because I have to do work I hate right now. But things are (supposedly) going to change, and if I just hang in there…

How long have I been telling myself that?

My blood pressure was in the 140s/90s this morning. I guess that’s not all that high when you think about the fact that my coworker (previously mentioned) had a blood pressure of like 210/140 recently (due to stress over work). But I don’t want it to be that high. I want it to be back at 120/70 or so, or 110/60, the range it was when I was recovering from cancer. (I didn’t check it much after that, so I don’t know how long it stayed in that range.) Cutting down sodium isn’t going to help if I can’t calm down. This is caused by stress. And, from what I understand, my “second stomach”–the fat in my upper belly–is caused by stress. Stress does no good whatsoever.

There are people out there who can handle stress, though, aren’t there? Don’t I just need to stick with it until I figure out how to cope? Isn’t bailing out now the same as wussing out? What makes me think I have it worse than anyone else?

I need to calm down.