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Turmoil

I’m feeling a lot of stress right now. A relationship has ended. I’m jobless. I have projects out the wazoo, and no idea of how I’m going to organize and prioritize them (my latest desperate attempt involves using Outlook’s Tasks).

So maybe that’s why, when I did something that I thought was right, I started bawling as if I had just made a horrible sacrifice.

I did give something up. But it wasn’t something I needed. It was something I wanted. I mean, I really wanted it. I wasn’t expecting the offer, but then there it was.

I turned it down.

Do I think this makes me noble? Am I looking for praise? Did I really turn it down out of the desire to keep my would-be benefactor in the black? Or did I do it because I wanted to impress her with my selflessness?

Am I a good person? Do I do the right thing, in general? Why are there problems I can’t solve in a way that makes everyone happy?

I wish I was wise.