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I feel better

My neckaches and wild emotional state are probably a result of stress. I spoke with my endocrinologist about my mood swings, and she had me take a pregnancy test. It was negative. Since I haven’t had another period, I will be resuming progesterone. Hopefully that plus the knowledge that I have the power to control how I feel (to an extent) will balance me out.

I realized yesterday that I have been putting a lot of undue stress on myself. I wanted a house so badly that I was punishing myself for not being ready to buy one. While we are on the road to a good downpayment, we aren’t financially stable enough to get into a mortgage. As Mom said last night, I shouldn’t compare myself to other people. I should focus on what my situation is and work with that information only.

I had gotten to the point that I was trying to deny myself any creature comforts, like going places (too much gas money) or eating out. Removing the things that made my life bearable was not the correct solution. I am having a hard enough time as it is living with my in-laws. I need to let myself relax.

It all came to a head yesterday and the day before, but now I’m calm.

I want to thank everyone who was there for me. Em, your email made me feel so loved and understood. You were the first to tell me that it was okay to be upset. Thank you. AJ, thank you for commenting and lending me your support. I know it’s tough to be my brother sometimes ;> But you have always stood by me and I know you always will. Thank you. Jered, your comment made me feel so much better. It’s a little scary to be looked up to, but at the same time it gives me a nice healthy dose of reality. You’re right, I’m not a loser. Thank you. Mom, you are so understanding, and yet so level-headed. Your wisdom and sympathy helped me gain some much-needed perspective. I feel like I can handle my life now. Thank you.