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Ugh

I don’t know if it’s just because it’s Monday or what, but I feel crappy.

I do know I ate too much last night. I got to go to Brooke’s family’s Sunday dinner with her and David. Her brother Blake and his wife Dorothy and their cute little two week old baby Allison were there, as well as Brooke’s parents, Blair and Elaine. (They have a cute female dog named Edward[?] that Brooke’s dad calls Pete. I don’t get it!)

Anyway, my favorite part of the visit was getting to hold that baby. I held her for a very long time, rocking her and humming to her as she slept. She reached out with her tiny little hand and clung to my shirt, and I could feel her soft breathing on my face. Every now and then she’d blearily open her eyes, blinking sightlessly before falling back into her slumber. (And sometimes she’d fuss a little, then poot.)

That may have been my favorite part, but it was bittersweet. There were several times while I was gazing into that beautiful little face that I had to force myself not to cry. It was nice to think that I was over all that for awhile…oh well.

Brooke’s dad (I can’t think of her parents by their names!) brought up the apartment fire, which had the unfortunate effect of keeping me awake last night, my mind racing as I thought back to all the stuff I “could have saved” if I’d had my head together. Honestly, it really is best that we just got the hell out of there, but I keep thinking that I could have run back to the office and yanked my computer out, and picked up my purse and camera, and then snagged the tray with my tea set on it on my way out…and that I could have yelled up to the fireman I saw in the apartment the day after the fire and asked him if he could throw anything down. I tried to content myself with the thought of replacing our wedding memorabilia: the goblets and cake server with our names and the date engraved on them. But finally I had to just distract myself into sleep.

I am really happy that I went to dinner. I had a great time. Brooke’s family is a trip and a half. They’re awesome and really fun to hang out with.

But I did eat too much, and I felt nauseated for the rest of the evening, which sucked. That, plus the baby-envy, plus the futile apartment “if onlys” probably account for how I feel this morning.

I let myself sleep in a little, but I don’t think that helped.

Right now I’m mildly nauseous, and my neck hurts. (I think I need a new pillow or something, because my neck always hurts.) I feel braindead and tired and cold.

Bleh.