Paradoxically, autumn for me feels like a beginning. The crispness in the air heralds a change, new and exciting. I wear long sleeves all year–here in Georgia, the omnipresent air conditioning requires it–but when I start to need them outside, it seems like the blood flows more quickly in my veins.
This morning the air was sharp and cool and it made me feel like I ought to be on my way to class.
We spend so much of our early lives going to school, I mused, that when we get into the workforce we have no idea what we’re doing.
As I drove to my part-time job I left the window rolled down and the radio off, enjoying the feel of fall. It’s been cool a few times before now, but never like today. Today feels like a day to go crunching through leaves in a forest to a cabin with a roaring fire. A day to ride a bicycle and wear a jacket.
Fall always makes me feel that something exciting is about to happen.
The difference now is that I’m the one who has to create the excitement.
When I was younger, fall was exciting because of things that were decided for me–trips, school. Now, I make my own decisions.
And instead of liberating, it feels confining. If I want to go on a trip, if I want to go to school, I have to plan for it and save money for it. I end up not doing a lot of things because it’s just not wise, financially.
Strange that at 28, I’m still learning what it feels like to be a grownup.
The chill breeze reminds me, makes me wistful.