Gross dream

Vomit warning level 9 is in effect.

This morning I was dreaming about going to the bathroom. I often dream about that in the late morning, because I actually have to go to the bathroom, so my mind fixates on that need.

In this particular dream I was using a Japanese toilet. Not the traditional trench style, but the new-fangled heated seat ones. After I finished, I decided I wanted to try the bidet. I recently read an article about people who use it too much, but I figured once wouldn’t hurt.

(Side note: in the dream, the bidet was labeled マッサジ. This is the first time I can remember ever reading Japanese in a dream. I kind of doubt that bidets are called “massage” in real life.)

The controls were nonstandard, consisting of an odd basin sitting in front of me with a button I had to push to start the bidet. Only when I pressed it, nothing happened. So I’d keep holding down the button, and the button would sink in further…

…and then the basin would start filling with, well, waste products, probably from the toilet bowl itself. And I’d yank my hand back before those products engulfed the button (and my finger).

I actually tried this about three times, and on the third try I was too slow letting off the button, so I had to use toilet paper to clean up until I could get to a sink.