I was going to post about this on Twitter, but as I pondered how to put it I decided it might be too gross for some people, so instead I’m putting it on my Google-indexed blog.
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The other day I thought I had a bleeding rash from riding my bicycle two days in a row. I treated the area with care and didn’t go biking for awhile. But it seemed to not want to heal. Sean took a look and said he couldn’t find anything wrong. I checked myself and couldn’t figure out where the blood was coming from.
It occurred to me that it might be a period. Several years ago when I first started biking and getting back into shape, before the whole heart failure thing, I got a period for the first time in five years. That was when I went to my first Augusta endocrinologist to get put on hormone treatments. After that, when I was on hormones I got regular periods, and when I was off I didn’t.
This time, I figured maybe, since I was getting back into shape again, my body would behave as it did before. But I couldn’t find any blood when I went looking. It only appeared every now and then when I wasn’t thinking about it.
This morning, though, it was confirmed. It’s definitely a period. It was just so light at first that it was hardly detectable. (And it’s still really light…wonder how long it’s going to last.)
This means nothing in terms of my fertility. Nothing. I’d like to believe that as I lose more weight, I’ll be healthier and my body will feel younger and stronger. But I refuse to get my hopes up about having kids. It’s just too painful when I’m disappointed.
Besides, I wasn’t magically fertile again the last time this happened. I had some random periods without hormones last year. And it’s happened before, too–just sporadically.
The only way this would be different would be if I got another period next month. But I probably won’t. This is probably just another menopausal dump. That’s what they all probably are. Here’s what Sean wrote about it back in the beginning.
But despite the fact that every time this happens I resolve to be logical, I can’t help but feel a little happy.
Sigh.