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Diary

Shelter-in-Place: Day 113

Please be warned: this post has a lot of depressive thoughts in it. I am just venting. I need to get it out somewhere. Don’t read it if you aren’t feeling strong, please.

How do you convince your online friends who are thinking about killing themselves not to do that, when you can’t think of a good reason for anyone to live? The world is awful. People are hateful. The ones with power are just enriching themselves and letting everyone else die. There’s a virus that’s airborne that we don’t have a vaccine for and getting it is a horrible way to die, and even if you live it’s horrible, but no one in government is taking care of things so that risk is minimized.

How do you believe there are good things in the world when you can’t see them? When you’re trapped in your home, unable to see the people you love? When you can’t go anywhere new and interesting, or even revisit places you love? When all you hear about the outside world is that nothing is changing for the better, that countries are passing “morality” legislation and destroying privacy, that people who are risking their lives to try and change things are being shot in the face with “rubber bullets” and mowed down by cars? When everyone in the world hates your country and probably you too for having been born here, but there’s no other place to go to escape the rising tide of fascism and fear?

What is the actual purpose of continuing to exist?