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What do I want to do?

I have to do something. We’re at a standstill right now. We can’t move forward. All we can do is maintain the status quo.

Sometimes I think I would be glad to get another job, any job, just so we’d have more income. But when I actually go looking, I usually dislike the idea of actually doing the jobs I feel I remotely have a shot at getting. I apply anyway, and I do my best to tailor my resume, and I never get called. (Or I do get called, and go through a bunch of interviews, and then end up not having enough experience after all, something you’d think they could have weeded out by looking at my resume…)

Today I was so depressed at the thought of all the things I want and can’t have due to money that I went to bed for several hours. As I was lying there trying to go to sleep and get everything off my mind, I thought, “I need to decide what I want to do, and then do something about it every day.” But all I could think of as I drifted off was “learn Japanese”. I don’t think there is a whole lot of demand for that here in Augusta.

I had an idea recently, and I’m still considering it, but there’s a startup cost involved that may very well be prohibitive. I could host it on this webspace, but that would limit my space and other options. Even if I got it all set up, I would have to spend money in order to gather the content (I don’t want to be specific here, in case I actually end up doing it). Bleh.

But I need to do something.

Damn it.