I just did some reading about FSH levels and infertility, and I think I have a better understanding now of what’s going on. A lot of it is stuff that was said to me, but that I didn’t quite understand. It seems that I’m better with reading comprehension than with listening comprehension.

FSH levels skyrocket during menopause because as women age, the likelihood of eggs being viable and resulting in a “livebirth” decreases. The body uses the extra FSH to help bolster the eggs and make them work right. This continues even after there aren’t any viable eggs left.

A normal FSH level is somewhere around 10 or less.

Estradiol, a natural hormone, can suppress FSH.

My FSH level is 36. Previously, it was over 40–menopausal. I am currently taking estradiol, which is probably the only reason the FSH level is slightly lower.

In some women, normal ovarian function has been known to return one year after chemotherapy. I am now 7 years out.

I have been undergoing this hormone therapy since October–over seven months.

We’re going to continue the therapy until this October, then stop and see if my ovarian function returns to normal. But given my current levels, and the fact that my ovaries haven’t reacted in any meaningful way to the therapy, it’s really not looking like there is any hope.

I guess I have been getting slowly adjusted to this idea already, because I don’t feel that sudden shock of intense depression that I used to feel every time my hope was shattered. Now, it’s more like a dull ache.

I guess I will see this therapy through to the end, to put the last nail in the coffin. Then I’ll move on, work towards all my other goals. It will be liberating, really, to finally know for sure.