Tonight I told Sean I had something to talk to him about. He was in the middle of something in his game, and he took off his headphones and said, “What’s up?” But I told him I didn’t want to talk to him about it while he was playing, and not long thereafter I left the room.
Awhile later he got to a stopping point and came into the office. I sat him down on the spare bed and told him my news: I’d received a very generous and interesting offer earlier that day, and was interested in his opinion. I think I knew my decision before I even told him about it, but I wanted to talk to him anyway.
He initially simply said “It’s up to you,” but I pressed him for what he thought he might do in my position, and he told me what I thought he’d tell me, which just so happened to be the conclusion I’d come to. I told him I was pretty sure I agreed. Then I held him for awhile.
Finally he got up to head back to his game. But before leaving the room, he kissed me and said, “Honestly, I thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant or something.”
I laughed dismissively. “That’d be nice, but no.” And he went back out to the kotatsu.
I sat back down in my chair, shaken. It took a moment for me to realize why I was bothered…but as I realized it, I felt tears forming.
He doesn’t think it’s impossible.
I always thought he did. The strength of his supposed conviction helped me to accept the impossibility.
I should have known. My husband is not a man of absolutes. His opinion is not that it’s impossible, but that it’s not likely at all.
It would be more comforting to know it’s impossible. It would make it easier to move on, in any case.
And I’m pretty sure it is.
He just surprised me.