In my dream last night, I was having a very passionate argument with someone. It was a man, but I can’t remember who it was, except that I know it wasn’t Sean. I get the feeling it was a fictional character, or maybe a coworker.
Perhaps due to that dream argument, I spent the morning wondering how people see me. For the most part people react to me the way I expect them to, but sometimes they don’t and I can’t figure out why.
Years ago, when I applied for a job at Wal-Mart, I expressed interest in working in the stock room. The lady I was interviewing with discouraged me…but encouraged another girl, who was skinnier and–in my opinion–wussier. I have never been able to figure that out. First of all, wouldn’t you want the skinnier, and therefore closer to the current arbitrary model of beauty, girl out on the floor? Second of all, wouldn’t you want people in the stock room who are tough? Does this mean that people don’t think I’m tough when they first meet me?
People at work were surprised when I recently moved two large desks and heavy computer equipment around all by myself, but I don’t think that’s the same thing. After all, people here know me as a desk worker and don’t expect me to do physical labor. But that Wal-Mart lady had just met me, so what made her think I couldn’t make it in the stock room?
Maybe I wasn’t tall enough?
I guess I’ll never know.