Some of you might have been a little concerned by my tweets a little earlier in the evening. Thought I’d give you an explanation.
Tonight was Brooke’s last night in town, and we met up downtown for First Friday. That sentence makes it sound a lot easier than it actually was. I found a parking space and called her, and she had parked on the other side of downtown, so I moved my car and then walked, and then decided I didn’t like where I’d parked the second time so I walked back and moved it again, and finally headed down to the area of Elduets Treasures of the World, where Brooke had met up with Mari.
The whole time I was walking up there, all I could think of was how socially crippled I am. I did not want to be there. A few times I was on the verge of tears and I didn’t know why. I felt stupid and uncool and overwhelmed.
I think a big part of it was that I’d had a long day and a long week and didn’t really have the energy for a night out. Usually when I go out at night I need to be rested. I’m the type who spends all her energy on preparing and then is totally worthless at the actual event. So it probably wasn’t a good idea to try to go, really.
I was also a little disappointed that we weren’t doing what we’d originally planned, which was something far more my speed: sitting at home watching anime. And that made me feel even more like a loser–if I was a regular person, I’d be fine with going out on a Friday night and enjoying all the happenings downtown.
So all of that made me keep thinking more and more depressive, self-pitying thoughts.
I felt a bit better after having a chili dog. I probably shouldn’t have eaten it, but it was comforting (and delicious).
Brooke and I are actually on the phone right now talking about how the night didn’t work out the way we wanted. She’s going back to England tomorrow, but she’ll be back in five weeks, so we’re both looking forward to that.