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Diary Health

CHF Recovery: Day 54

I feel like I have lost all motivation. I haven’t walked in days. Done a ton of sleeping. Don’t feel like writing. Or doing anything.

  • Got up at 8:10 because upstairs neighbor kids were running around singing and yelling “Happy Birthday”
  • Sorted out pills for the week, as I do every Sunday morning, and called in a prescription refill
  • Settled in at computer with protein shake

Thinking about how I was supposed to tell myself “I am 100% confident I will succeed at what I attempt” last week. It’s supposed to basically talk me into it because I am not confident of that at all. I am pretty sure I will fail at basically everything. This is why I was so upset last week, because I was starting to feel like maybe I could get to a point where I could do things, but then Reality came back. I feel like it would be better to just accept that I am unable to do anything, than to continue to try and fail. To feel like I should be doing things I can’t do.

I am not in despair right now. I just feel kind of dull.

  • Finally started reading a book chapter I was supposed to have read yesterday
  • Warmed up some of yesterday’s mac and cheese
  • Started the laundry

Okay, so I basically watched TV all day, with a brief nap on the couch. I also ate like crazy, so I guess my appetite’s back. Yeesh.

My mood is stable. Not good, not bad. Just…there.

I did finish the laundry, clean the kitchen, put out the trash, and start the dishwasher. I also took a shower because it had been like three days :x

Sean picked up Ted’s for dinner, which was great: bison strip steak, sweet potato, and fresh tomatoes. And he also got cheesecake from Cheesecake Factory. Yum. We watched the latest Designated Survivor and then some more That 70s Show, which I had been watching before he got home.

I am really tired so I think I’ll go to bed. It’s 9:38pm. :P