Still ruminating

I’m just so frustrated.

I have never been great with relationships of any kind, but I thought I had gotten better. I thought I could tell when people were just being polite and when they actually liked me. But apparently I was totally, utterly wrong.

I feel like I have wasted my life trying to get along with people and not actually forging true connections.

I want to be valued and respected, but how do I ask for those things if I don’t even know who is willing to give them to me?

I don’t know where to go from here.


  1. Heather, I’m so sorry to hear about all of this :(

    You should know that no matter what, it’s not a wasted life. I don’t think we’ve actually chatted in YEARS, but I often think about you and many of the other friends I’ve made online over the years. I don’t know of a more true connection than that. I remember the late nights on IRC just hanging out and chatting. Probably about important things like anime or me pestering you for advice on how to talk to girls.

    I miss that Internet, and I miss those kinds of connections, but I do think they were real and valid :)

    And by some kind of serendipity, if you’re interested, some of us are planning on doing a reunion get together on March 4th at 8pm eastern in #robotech on EFnet. We’ve got a small Facebook group over at

    No pressure if you’re not interested, but the moral of the comment is that you’re always welcome and respected somewhere, sometime :D


    Gosh it’s been forever. Thank you so much for commenting. I 100% agree…those relationships forged on IRC (and forums) were/are real. It was so different from social media, where you can be in the same “space” as someone else but have completely different experiences and understandings of what’s going on.

    I would LOVE to come to the reunion. Adding it to my calendar now. I will have to set up an IRC client :D

    I would join the FB group (I think I was actually in it before?), but don’t have Facebook anymore…I quit in 2019 because I was unhappy with the company’s business practices. Quitting was rough because I instantly lost contact with so many people. I think some of my loneliness and disconnectedness stems from that.

    Has anyone considered reviving #robotech on Discord or something?

    Again, thank you so much for commenting. I didn’t even realize you were still reading this blog. It’s so good to see you.

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