Me (10:21:39 PM): hi
Hai (10:21:46 PM): hether
Me (10:22:04 PM): lol
Me (10:22:12 PM): it took me a minute to realize what you did there
Tag: funny
Cow skirt
Sometimes I come up with funny conversations in my head. Today this one abruptly floated into my consciousness.
“You’re wearing your cow skirt today!”
“…cow skirt?”
“Oh, I said that because of the pattern, not because it makes you look like a cow. It does, but that wasn’t what I meant.”
A little awkward
Names abbreviated to protect, well, everyone.
JA: Have you seen JT today?
Me: Can’t say that I have.
JA: Well, she has this big…mark in the middle of her forehead. And as I was talking to her, I actually stopped to look at it. Then, you know, I tried to keep going, but…man, I don’t know if it’s a bruise or what. So if you see her…
Me: Try not to stare?
JA: Yeah.
If my work was a sitcom, at this point we’d cut to a scene where I’m staring at the mark on JT’s forehead. That hasn’t actually happened.
…yet.
Update: Hours later, I suddenly remembered something.
Me: Did it occur to you when you saw the mark on JT’s forehead that today’s Ash Wednesday?
JA: …no it did not. But now that you mention it…
EVERYTHING! HA HA HA HA
So my brother occasionally makes Christmas albums featuring his sons singing. They are my favorite things in the world. During the bridge of a rousing rendition of Jolly Old Saint Nicholas, my nephew Connor lists off what he wants for Christmas. Following an exhaustive litany of items, he proclaims, “EVERYTHING! HA HA HA HA.”
Today I got the idea to clip out that part of the song and post it to my webspace. Then, whenever I’m annoyed at life, I can simply tweet, “Know what I hate?”–and post the link to that mp3.
Obsess much?
Me: Did someone turn my light back on when I was in the webinar?
Jeff: You worry about the tiniest things.
Me: Yeah, I know.
Jeff: I think you turned the light back on, then forgot about it.
Me: …you could be right.
Nerd joke
Here’s a joke from my coworker Ed:
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.
One of them approaches the bartender. The bartender asks, “What’ll you have?”
“A beer,” the mathematician says.
“And for you?” the bartender asks the next mathematician.
“Half a beer.”
The bartender pauses, then moves on. “How about you?” he asks the third mathematician.
“A quarter of a beer.”
The bartender stops. “You’re all idiots,” he says. Then he pours two beers and walks away.
Something’s missing
“Hey guys, I think we missed something here. I can’t put my finger on it, but something doesn’t look right.”
Moo
The station got a tip from a viewer about 3000 cows that apparently disappeared from the Wrens area of Jefferson County after the tornado March 15. The lady told our morning producer:
“I bet that tornado picked them boogers up and sent them down to Florida on vacation! Someone’s looking for their hamburger meat tonight.”
Sweet rig
Today’s Penny Arcade is absolutely hilarious, and so is Tycho’s rant:
It’s a little inside baseball I guess, but at the same time the story was so delicious that we couldn’t leave it be: a District Attorney in Texas is on trial for building himself a sweet rig on the county dime. The machine in question sports “two hard drives, seven fans, high-end video and audio cards, a wireless Internet connection and cables that glow under ultraviolet light.” It’s a crime, yeah, but it’s an awesome crime. I make an exception for awesome crimes.
“I would not configure a backup computer in that way,” says Mr. Gregg, FBI senior forensic examiner and reigning Understatement King.
Well, if you demand it…
Just got spam that included this paragraph:
We demand that you take time out of your online experience and renew your records to avoid running into any future problems with the online service. However, failure to renew your recoreds will result in our account suspension.Once you have renewed your account records your internet banking service will not be interrupted and will continue as normal.Please click on log button below.
Um…no. Thanks though!
(Take time out of my online experience…*snerk*)
Don’t dress up like Elvis in Nicholasville
Or at least, not in court:
‘Elvis’ shows up at Kentucky court drunk
NICHOLASVILLE, Ky. – A central Kentucky judge had a suspicious mind when an Elvis Presley impersonator showed up for court apparently drunk and sporting sunglasses and a rhinestone-studded shirt with a scarf draped around his neck.
County Attorney Brian Goettl said that as a result, the judge had David Blaisdell, 64, tested for intoxication and sentenced him to three days in jail for contempt of court when it was determined that the man’s blood-alcohol level was nearly twice that at which a person in Kentucky is considered legally drunk.
Blaisdell, who was in court for a pretrial conference on misdemeanor charges of stalking and violating a protective order, told the judge he had had a few drinks the night before, Goettl said.
Good to know those drunk Elvis impersonators aren’t getting off easy in the ol’ hometown! ;)
The eye of the tiger
This is one of the greatest things I have ever seen.
It’s a tragedy
Grieving Fan: Oh man! I remember exactly where I was the second I found out Heath Ledger died…
V: Fag.
I just want to know if they’re going to show The Dark Knight with Ledger, or recast him, or what. (I’m actually a little afraid to see that movie…looks like it’s going to be really dark)
Mr. Razumihin
I received this awesome spam at work:
I love it. You know Mr. Razumihin. Of course you do. He’s not a bad fellow!
Inexplicable plastic
When I arrived at work this morning I discovered an old-school farming/shepherding operation on my desk.
It’s actually not inexplicable; Mullis and Fichtel went to the dollar store last night. But it is certainly bizarre!
(I have to say, I’m rather fond of the pig.)