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Diary

Lots of posts to the Diary of My Childhood page

Sean’s away at his LAN party this weekend, and I’ve basically spent all my time home alone. I haven’t felt like going anywhere or doing anything, other than a quick trip yesterday to pick up dinner. I have had some oatmeal today, but I’m not sure what else I’m going to eat.

Yesterday I spent awhile reading Jennifer Government, and I watched BSSM 35 and 36 and two episodes of Hikaru no Go (the introduction of Mitani). Today I didn’t really feel like doing any of that, so after piddling around online for awhile I pulled out all my old diaries and started looking for interesting entries to post to my site. That’s essentially what I’ve been doing all day, since around 11 am.

When making posts to my Diary section, I try to keep the look and feel the same as what I have in front of me, be it notebook paper or a computer printout. I leave the typos and misspellings in on purpose. I’ve considered adding some notes in brackets, but ultimately I didn’t want to disturb the flow.

The first item I posted was sort of a brief autobiography that I wrote in 1992. I was fond of starting out new diaries with longwinded explanations of myself.

It’s interesting to me how much I apparently used to like pizza. It’s also interesting how I sort of blew past important issues, like Kitty’s cancer, and obsessed over silly things like TV shows and bragging about my academic achievements. That’s youth for you…

The second one is a bit of a departure. It really illustrates how unhappy I was at my new school. I remember that day vividly. Those girls I got to “play” with were popular, and I didn’t think that I was worthy of them. Having them spend time with me seemed like an amazing gift. At the same time, I felt that I didn’t really fit in, and that I shouldn’t be intruding. It was a horrible way to feel, even if I was ecstatic about it.

This is just silly. I think Lion-O is AJ, Panthro is Dad, Wily Kat is Ben, and Cheetara is Mom. But I’m not sure, because typically AJ and I were Wily Kit and Wily Kat, so maybe Ben was Lion-O. Anyway, I’m not sure why I was pretending we were all Thundercats, but I recall that we used to do that a lot.

I wonder what I was in trouble for. Isn’t it funny that going to bed was such a horrible punishment?

I found the entry where I wrote about Alex, the guy I basically led on during the Beta Convention in Louisville. I was just so confused back then. I didn’t know how to act, and I didn’t think I was attractive. I was afraid he was going to take advantage of me, too. I remember Michael telling me at the time that Alex was probably just as scared as I was, but I didn’t believe him.

Michael was probably right. I wonder what else he was right about, back then.

Here’s the “resolution” (as it were) of the Alex saga.

Apparently during GSP, it was very important that cute guys find me interesting. (Who am I kidding? It’s probably still a factor to this day ;>)

I cracked up laughing reading this. My attempt at reproducing Jane Austen’s writing style didn’t go too badly, did it?

I vaguely remember that guy, Jason McN. There’s a picture of him in the GSP yearbook. I think I only liked him because he was cute.

(I should explain that jing-a-ling-a-ling thing…Dad’s friend Kenny used to sing a country song that went “I’ve got some change in my pocket goin’ jing-a-ling-a-ling”, but back then I always thought he was saying “keys” instead of “change”.)

Here is the first place where I mention my belief that Matt G. liked me. As you can see, I was being superficial and stupid, and avoiding what my own feelings might have been. Rather reminiscent of the Alex situation, isn’t it? (And yeah, his looks were a ridiculous reason, because as anyone who has visited his website knows, he is totally hot.)

A theme in some of my younger posts is having milk-and-cookies before bed. This was probably not a very good idea. Food seemed to factor hugely in my life when I was a child.

In this particular post, I mention writing a story. I don’t know where that story is or what it’s about. I also mention something called a “G”, and I have no idea what that is. And finally, I must say that when I came across the line “When I grow up, I will live in the wilderness.”, plunked right in the middle of the entry with no reasoning whatsoever, I laughed out loud.

Yeah, I ate a lot as a kid.

When you’re a kid, you can draw posters for absolutely no reason and it makes perfect sense.

I remember that Bangladesh project. Most vividly, I remember making a traditional Bangladesh dessert. The name was something like “barfy”, which we found amusing to no end. I left the leftovers in the Geography classroom, where a moronic student in a later class period licked it all off the pan. Mr. Ash was really apologetic, and he cleaned the pan for me, but that didn’t curb my ire one bit. I had wanted to eat the leftovers!!

This entry mentions obliquely an interesting thing that happened when I transitioned to middle school. When I had first come to public school, for fourth grade, I was pretty much an outcast. I found everyone to be mean and selfish, and so I’m pretty sure that I was snobby to them. This resulted in me getting picked on a lot. When I finally found some friends, they weren’t the popular kids, they were sort of geeky–and yet not good students, either. They were good friends, though, and I appreciated them.

One of those friends was Melissa, who lived down the street from me and therefore rode the same bus. We were best friends through fifth grade.

Then, in sixth grade, I got into the higher level classes, while Melissa stayed in average ones. I met Noelle Mitchell, who was smart and friendly and sweet, and she became my new best friend. At the time I wasn’t thinking about how I was jilting Melissa…it was just that I really liked Noelle and wanted to spend time with her. So, basically, I spent a lot of time being mad at Melissa for not “accepting” that Noelle was my best friend now. (I was a real gem, wasn’t I?)

Oh, and the Mark fellow I mention…he was sort of my boyfriend. Kind of. I remember he came over to my house and we hugged once. :>

Here, I actually mention making that wish that I could go into other “dimensions” where fictional characters live. I also mention Governor’s Cup, which was something that really made me feel special and unique. (I ended up with a really big head in middle school, though…)

Three breakfasts! O_O

I still have my binders of TMNT and Darkwing Duck stories. I should type them up sometime…but it would be a project, as there are quite a few of them.

I knew that I was in the bad habit of sneaking food, but I didn’t remember ever collaborating with AJ on such a project.

I don’t remember who Bruno Leon is. Obviously that’s a chosen name for some guy in my French class. Surely that’s not his real name. (My chosen name in French class was Julie-Alice. Duncan, aka Mr. Make My Heart Skip a Beat Why Don’t You, was known as Xavier.)

All that “drama” with kung fu class really bothered me at the time. I believed that our instructor could do no wrong back then. It took awhile; the original students all dropped out and my friends and I became the highest ranked in the class before I started to realize that he was just as fallible as the rest of us, and that I didn’t like the direction he was going. I would like to do something like kung fu again someday, but I think I will end up being really picky about joining a class.

And that’s all of them for today. I may post more later, but I’m tired of typing them out ;)

It’s been fun revisiting my memories, especially the younger ones, because I think those are hilarious. The teenage ones are pretty enlightening, too.

I think I spent today doing this because I wanted to retreat into myself for awhile. I’m not looking forward to tomorrow. I am going back to work, but I’m not sure what will happen.

Wish me luck.