Secret Bush tapes shockingly do not reveal Bush to be evil, sadistic monster

Like, OMG!

While the title of MSNBC’s article–Private tapes shed light on candidate Bush: Conversations on political foes, drugs recorded by old friend–makes us expect something juicy, all the article proves is that there is nothing juicy to report.

On one tape, Bush explains that he told one prominent evangelical that he would not “kick gays, because I’m a sinner. How can I differentiate sin?”

Wow, what a jerk. Following the rule of “judge not lest ye be judged”? What audacity!

And then, later:

“I wouldn’t answer the marijuana questions,” he said, according to the Times. “You know why? Because I don’t want some little kid doing what I tried.”

Well, shit! You mean our president made some mistakes, and now wants to help keep other people from making the same mistakes? What a horrible guy! I know I, personally, have never made a single mistake, in the history of my life.


I’m not sure what inspired Bush’s “friend” to make these tapes–“He said he recorded them because he viewed Bush as a historic figure.”–nor what inspired him to release them now, but ultimately, it really doesn’t matter, does it?

(Maybe, you know, this is an elaborate right-wing conspiracy! Maybe Bush made these tapes last week, and had them released so people will think he’s a good guy, while in reality he’s trying to take over the world so he can pollute it out of existence! Of course!!!!! That must be it!!!!!)