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Diary Health

CHF Recovery: Day 47

  • Got up at 7:45
  • Had protein shake and morning meds

Mood is Bad. I feel exhausted even though I woke up naturally. I hate myself. Everything reminds me of why I am a waste of space. I got to thinking what I would be remembered for if I died tomorrow, and the answers were “nothing” and “stupid, meaningless stories.” What is even the point of anything.

Whee, depression. I have taken my pill. Maybe a walk would help. I really don’t want to go on a walk, which probably means I should.

  • Read one chapter of a fanfic
  • Got dressed in workout clothes
  • Went on 31-minute walk

I walked down to the river thinking it would be pretty, and it was, but there were also a billion people there because it’s Sunday. I found this very annoying. Still, I think the activity and sunshine helped some.

  • Took a shower and got dressed
  • Told Sean I was going to make noise in the kitchen so if he wanted to sleep more he should go to the bed; he seems to have decided to stay up
  • Emptied and loaded dishwasher
  • Hand-washed items that aren’t dishwasher safe:
    • Metal baking pan
    • Big knife
    • George Foreman grill top

This was very tiring. I stopped to breathe deeply a few times while scrubbing the grill.

  • Finally put vases from flower arrangements away (they had been on the counter since the flowers from my hospitalization died)
  • Sat down at my computer to rest and write this update

I kind of want to go to sleep now.

  • Read another fanfic chapter and ate two Oreos
  • Cooked a HelloFresh meal for lunch: Jamie Oliver’s Shrimp and Rice Salad

This took me about an hour and 15 minutes. The recipe estimate was 35 minutes, but I am slow. I clean up while I am cooking, so maybe that adds time.

It came out really well. The recipe calls for cilantro but I threw that away because I hate it ;) Otherwise I followed the directions. Sean said, “Oh wow, this looks amazing.” (He loves shrimp!) It’s pretty neat, it is pan-fried shrimp on a bed of basmati rice, shaved carrot, green beans, and mint leaves that have all been tossed in a light sauce of low-sodium soy, olive oil, garlic, ginger, lime juice, lime zest, and a small, seeded and chopped red chili. I will have to remember this one.

I am feeling more cheerful now, probably because this recipe was so successful.

  • Ate lunch while reading online

UPDATE: Sean did not actually care for the food! He thought it was too minty (which to be honest I did too) and he also thought it was weird that the rice (the “salad” part) was cold. I am not sure if he would have liked it better if everything was kept warm and there was less mint. Maybe? He did like the shrimp, the shrimp were fine. But all I did to the shrimp was fry them in a pan.

Sorry, Jamie Oliver.

  • Put away the leftover rice (there was a ton; did I accidentally make a whole package when I was only supposed to make half? Anyway we both ate all our shrimp but had like half a plate of rice left)
  • Put our plates and the cookware from making lunch in the dishwasher and started it
  • Did some more reading and chatting online
  • Spent some time with Sean and napped afterwards
  • Got up at around 7:15 and decided I did not want to cook
  • Picked up KFC for me and Taco Bell for Sean
  • Read an extremely satisfying fanfic (great characterization of General Hux, I must say) while eating dinner

I was going to do chicken tenders but Shane’s and Otter’s were both closed. WHY. I have gone over on pretty much everything today thanks to this, but since I do pretty well most days I have decided not to worry about it. Also, the counts aren’t accurate because I don’t eat the skin when I get fried chicken, so it’s probably less sodium than I logged. Here’s the breakdown from MyFitnessPal:

table of goal and actual nutrient intake from MyFitnessPal

Come to think of it, I was actually almost 1000mg under on sodium yesterday. So this is just making up for that ;D

I seem to be feeling rather chipper now. Quite the difference from earlier.

  • Continued reading stuff online
  • Went to bed around 12:30