Category: general

Takagi-keiji, you are so awesome.

And yet…so dense.

The more you do, the more you are able to do.
The more you do it, the more you are able to do it.
The less you do, the less you are able to do.
The less you do it, the less you are able to do it.

That was one of several sayings I had to memorize for my kung fu class, and of all of them, it’s the one I know I’ll always remember, because it has always rung true to me.

Lately I have been working crazy overtime, but I’ve been committed to doing it, and I’ve thrived. I feel like if I could apply that commitment to other things–making dinner, exercising–I could accomplish so much. Once I get used to doing things, it’s much easier for me to keep doing them.

It’s just the getting started that’s hard.

FlyLady says it takes a month to learn a new habit. I tend to stop practicing new habits after a week. Maybe if I could just hold out a little longer, I could maintain them.

For now, I’m happy to bask in the sheer amount of work I’ve accomplished in the past two weeks. It even spilled over to my second job!

Last night, Sean told me he was unhappy to read over at the AMRN that I wouldn’t be participating in the new game.

“Why would I play?” I said instantly and offhandedly. “I don’t want to play. And besides, if I did play, I couldn’t play with you.”

Take notes, kids; this is the sort of thing you do not say to the person you love.

I fumbled through a lame explanation and Sean left the room. I don’t know if he was upset or not, because our computers are in different rooms, so he’s always leaving the room to get back to his game. But it finally occurred to me that I hadn’t properly discussed the matter with him, and that I should do so as soon as possible.

When Sean and I started playing together on the AMRN, we had only been dating for a little over a year. And frankly, I didn’t want the game to come between us. It was just a game. Sure, it was fun, but it wasn’t worth arguing over.

So I did things. I compromised my opinions. I sold out my other friends in the game. I destroyed continuity. I refused to challenge Sean’s authority, except for one notable instance in which I allowed him to smack my character down for it. Most of my protests were passive-aggressive, internalized, only emerging through the thoughts of one of my characters, and nothing came of them.

One of the best writers I ever had the pleasure of knowing quit the game while I was GMing it, and it’s pretty obvious that it was because of my inability to stand up to Sean.

Of course, my submissive, Sean-promoting playing style didn’t make Sean happy, either. Especially the time I used a highly powerful character to deus ex one of his characters out of his own death. It cheapened the scene, the characters, and the plot as a whole.

I don’t want to go back to those days.

Sure, we’d only been together a year when I started playing, and I’m a different person now, and blah blah blah. But I kept up the same MO for my entire career at the AMRN. When I played with other people, I managed to (mostly) be objective and fair. When I played with Sean, I was too afraid to rock the boat to do anything memorable.

I’m afraid that if we tried it again, it would either result in the same thing, or it would adversely affect our relationship. Because to be honest, I often disagreed with Sean about the game. I was interested in drama and character development. He was interested in those things, too, but he wasn’t willing to bend any rules for them. I don’t want to spend my time being mad at Sean for going against some plot tangent I’ve devised, or for punishing my characters for being in character.

And I don’t know enough about the rules of roleplaying systems or the technology of Macross to be able to do anything about it myself. I’m essentially at his mercy…which is another reason why I usually went along with whatever he said. After all, he knew better than me, right?

I don’t want to enter a situation in which I’m at a disadvantage. I don’t want to enter a situation that encourages me to behave the way I did before.

Yes, there are times when I feel a yearning to play again. But it’s never been strong enough to overcome my fear.

Isn’t it weird how certain things can repeatedly remind us of other things? For example, often when I cook, if not every time, I think of the movie The Boy Who Could Fly. I have no idea why.

Lately, whenever I move an email into my “Done” box (which I always create so I can have old emails as a reference), I think about the time a coworker was hunting for a picture that had been sent out to all the producers. Since I get those emails too, I said that it might still be in my email.

“No, it wouldn’t still be in email,” my coworker said.

That so annoyed me. How would she know what was in my email? Just because she has the habit of deleting everything doesn’t mean I do.

And I guess since I didn’t say anything to her, it still bothers me…especially when I’m working with my email :>

I will respond to your email when I respond to your email. You don’t need to know that I read your email immediately and then didn’t respond immediately. And I don’t need that kind of pressure!

If there is even the remotest possibility that a comma might be shoehorned into a sentence…Brooke will add three.

I haven’t had the time/inspiration to post something to bump the previous whiny post down below the fold, but I wanted to let you all know that I came back swinging. Well, flailing. But at least it’s something.

Somehow, the things that need to get done are getting done, and that’s what’s important.

And yet for me it does. It cripples me.

Some people think that as long as it’s on there, it’s fine.

However, I will fiddle with it until it flows well with everything around it.

That’s just me, I guess.

(Context? Ha!)

Tonight I had McDonald’s for dinner because Sean was asleep when I got home. But last night and the night before, Sean and I cooked dinner together.

Yesterday was the best because he helped me the whole time. He measured things, stirred the pot, cooked the pasta, prepared the salads, and tidied up. It was so much fun having him in the kitchen, and it was very helpful to have an extra set of hands.

We made Creamy Old Bay Scallops, an Eating Well with Kim recipe. It was amazing. I wasn’t sure what I’d think of it when I first read the recipe…but I’m very glad I tried it!

Here it is if you want to make it:

Creamy Old Bay Scallops

1 T canola oil
1 bunch green onions, chopped (about 1 1/4 C)
1/4 C chopped red pepper
1 lb. bay scallops (I found them frozen at Wal-Mart)
2 tsp Old Bay seasoning
1 1/2 T corn starch
1/8 tsp salt
1 C fat free half and half, divided
1 1/2 C frozen corn
1 (14 oz) can black beans (low sodium)

Put oil in a large non-stick skillet and place over medium heat. Saute the green onions, red pepper, scallops and Old Bay together for 3-4 minutes. Meanwhile combine the corn starch and 1/4 cup half and half. Add cornstarch mixture, remaining half and half, corn, black beans and salt to the pan. Bring mixture to a low boil and cook until sauce begins to thicken, stirring constantl. Garnish by sprinkling each plate with a little more Old Bay seasoning. Serve over pasta (spaghetti, linguini or egg noodles).

Yield: 4 servings (serving size: 1 1/4 cup)
Nutrient Breakdown: Calories 290, Fat 6g, Saturated Fat 1g, Cholesterol 45mg, Sodium 600mg, Carbohydrate 37g, Fiber 7g, Protein 26g
Nutrition Bonus: 10 percent DV Vitamin A, Calcium and Iron; 50 percent DV Vitamin C
Exchanges: 2 carbohydrates, 3 lean meats

Serving Suggestion: Whole wheat pasta, green salad with light dressing, sliced cantaloupe

There weren’t any red peppers at the store, so I bought a yellow one, and it worked fine. Also, I forgot to add the scallops until the end, so we had to cook it longer ;P

We used whole grain fettucine that came in a gift basket Mom sent us awhile back. It worked perfectly. We also had a bag of romaine salad with little tomatoes cut up over it and Creamy Caesar dressing.

This recipe serves four. Sean and I halved it, and we’ll be making it again next week with the leftover ingredients. :)

Mom and Dad gave me a beautiful Kitchenaid mixer for Christmas. Here’s a picture:

When I put it on the counter, I had to rearrange everything in the kitchen. I actually like it better in there now :) The bread machine and bread board are over next to the canisters, the candle holder that was there originally is between my utensil holders, and the cookbook stand is now next to the Kitchenaid.*

Then yesterday (that is, January 6), I went crazy and planned out dinner for this week. In doing so, I had to (of course) consult my recipes to see what I wanted to make. This reminded me that I still hadn’t done anything with my recipes and cookbooks.

With the rearranging of the kitchen, it made sense to me to put my cookbooks and recipes in the cabinet above the sink, close to the mixer and the cookbook holder. So I did that, putting the plastic bowls that were there down beneath the counter, behind some crockery.

This gave me plenty of room for the cookbooks I’ve managed to acquire (mostly from Mom–thanks Mom!), and for now I have the recipe cards in a stack next to them. But I really need a nice box.

I liked the wooden box I had before, but I’d like to know what my options are before I make a final decision. Unfortunately, my cursory internet search has come up pretty dry…nothing’s really caught my eye. Any suggestions?

* Note: There’s also a lovely sushi set on top of the microwave now, replacing the crockery tea settings that came with my pink dishes. Thanks to Brooke and David for the beautiful gift!

The other day, someone at work asked me if I build the website “in PSP”.

She meant to say “PHP” :> Although using a PlayStation Portable to build a website would be pretty interesting.

I’ve been staying up late all week.

Saturday’s going to be interesting. I have to do some freelance work–I’d love to skip it, but I’ve been skipping it for weeks now and it needs to get done. I also have to do some overtime at my job for that exciting project I mentioned before. After that, there’s a goodbye party for a work colleague!

At my mom’s suggestion, I started taking Vitamin B Complex today. Hopefully it’ll help me have the energy to do everything.

I may end up working on one or both projects on Sunday, too. But what I really hope will happen on Sunday is a trip to the Canal. I have more and more clothes that don’t look good on me anymore, and if I don’t start being active again it’ll happen to everything I own.

I’m irritable!

It’s not a bad mood. I don’t feel particularly down. I’m actually kind of excited about a project at work that’s finally reaching fruition, and I’m looking forward to watching more Detective Conan, and I went to see Brooke’s wedding dress fitting today and it was fun, and now I’m sitting comfortably in my chair at my computer reading.

But I’m having a period. You know how that goes.

The thing is, I haven’t had one in quite a long time. I don’t remember when the last one was, and I can’t remember if I blogged it either. I do remember that it came some time after my last round of provera.

Not long after that, I ran out of estrace, and since I had no health insurance at the time, I didn’t refill my prescriptions. My doctor called me to let me know she was leaving the practice, so I don’t have an endocrinologist anymore anyway. I let all my prescriptions run out, and I haven’t taken any of them since. I had a regular checkup scheduled, but again, due to lack of insurance, I cancelled it, and have never rescheduled.

All that was somewhere around September.

So I’ve been off hormones, off blood pressure meds, and off thyroid meds for something like three or four months.

For about a week and a half now something that not even I, the TMI Queen, wish to state plainly. I’ll just say that it was consistent, which made it odd, because usually it’s on and off.

Then the day before yesterday, I noticed what seemed to be spotting. I noticed it again yesterday. But nothing seemed to be coming of it.

This afternoon, though, the full period came to fruition. It seems to be a fairly light one. What interests me about it, though, is the color of the blood. All the periods I can remember having in recent years started out brown. This one is brown and red at the same time.

I don’t know if that means anything.

Really, I’m just documenting this for myself, because I don’t have a set structure for recording my medical information. I guess I should think about that, because it’d be handy to just pull out a little book or something whenever a nurse asks me those questions they always ask.

In any case, I’m bloated and grumpy, but otherwise, I feel okay.

That’s right; this year I didn’t forget!