Yup, it’s our anniversary today, which means we’re going to go out tonight to celebrate, and then when we get home we’re going to crack into a year-old chunk of wedding cake and hope it doesn’t kill us.

A whole year has gone by.

At times it’s felt like forever, but right now it feels like no time has passed at all. It really is strange. My mom says that Sean and I are “so cute together” and that “they say the first year is the roughest, so you will have a breeze”.

And it’s true, this has been a really good year. I have had times of terrible homesickness and doubt in myself, but those are totally outweighed by the good times, by the pride I have in keeping my apartment beautiful, by the joy of taking care of my husband, by the rightness I feel in his arms. He is mine and I am his, and that just makes me feel so safe and happy and excited.

It’s totally different from what I used to think love was. But I like this much better.

Sean and I didn’t do anything special tonight, although I did begin my new cooking schedule today. I’m using Leanne Ely’s Saving Dinner, which I learned about through FlyLady and which Mom bought for me for Christmas. Today’s dinner: skillet chicken with spinach. Since all the recipes in the book are intended to make six servings, I had to improvise a little. Mostly I divided the ingredients by three, but in some cases I added extra. It turned out very tasty. I also tried cooking a butternut squash, since Leanne is so keen on them, but it seemed like a lot of trouble for something that was only marginally special. I probably won’t make it again. (I didn’t let it cook long enough, but I’m not sure that would have made a significant difference.)

Shopping today for all the supplies was a little draining, both physically and financially. A lot of the stuff I bought I won’t need to buy again for awhile, so I’m hoping that the weekly costs will be significantly less than they were this time. Supposedly using this system will help us save money; we’ll have to see how it works out. For now, I’m just happy that I don’t have to stress out about what to make for dinner, and that I know what I’m making is fresh and healthy. The sheer amount of box, bag, and can dinners I’ve made this past year has been somewhat worrisome; I would buy produce and just leave it in the fridge until it rotted because I never had an intended purpose for it. Now I will be buying what I need for this week’s menu, which is great.

My lack of experience in menu-planning had interesting effects in the grocery store, too; I wasn’t quite sure where to find everything! I managed to stumble across most of the items through logic and luck, but I ended up calling Mom in Kentucky to ask her where she thought a jar of roasted peppers would be. She suggested that I look in the Mexican food, and sure enough, there it was. At least, I think what I bought was what I was supposed to buy. I suppose I’ll find out when I make the enchiladas!

So I finally finished my shopping, cart filled to the brim (my arm muscles were getting a mild workout just pushing the thing), packed up the car, headed home, and lugged the refrigerator/freezer items up immediately and put them away. Then I promptly fell into bed for a nap.

My boss had called me while I was in the store, and he called me again before the nap, so that I could update the restaurants on 2go-Box with their holiday hours for this week. I wouldn’t have to do this if the programmer had had more foresight, but them’s the breaks in a new business. You don’t know what you need until you’re in the thick of things, and then there’s no time to do the overhaul, so you just patch it here and there and hope it holds until you finally do have time.

I personally hope that they have time soon. There are many improvements that could be had that would streamline the process, not to mention make my life easier. It probably seems odd that I’m essentially annoyed that they have work for me to do, but that’s just how I am. When I see problems in a system in which I’m involved, I immediately start thinking of ways to fix them. It’s why my tenure at the AMRN has seen so many changes (with mixed results, I suppose, though I like to think that overall I improved the place…even if it does seem to be dying now).

So after I did part of the job he needed me to do because he hadn’t had time before he had to drive to Tallahassee, I konked out for a few hours. I finally got up after Sean got home from work and finished the rest of it, then brought in most of the rest of the groceries and made dinner. I am proud to say that the kitchen is now clean, even though it looked terrible several hours ago.

I’ve been reading the blog of an American who now lives with his Japanese wife near Tokyo. Over the nearly four years that he’s been there, his photography has improved immensely. He is thinking about making photography his livelihood; I really think he has the talent to do it, if he can find a large enough audience to buy his prints. (I may buy one myself, although I am sort of hesitant, as I’d like to hang prints of my own photography in the house, and I wouldn’t want people to think I had taken his pictures…maybe I could find a way to label them…but then, of course, my photos would be in competition with his…damned ego :>)

It really has me itching to go back to Japan, and not as a tourist. I want to settle in and get comfortable there again. My honeymoon was nice, but too short…by the time we were falling into a routine of sorts, it was time to leave. (Sean would argue that it was too long, and he’s right too. We let it get to the point of making the transition from visitor to inhabitant, then left before we could fully establish ourselves. It was a great trip, but I wouldn’t do it that way again.)

Of course, the next item on our agenda is not Japan, but Boston. Maybe. Sean is going to finalize his resume tomorrow and send it in the next day, and then we’ll see what happens. It’s too late for me to apply to Harvard for the 2004 school year, so I will have to wait and apply for 2005.

Harvard! Can you imagine?

I really think I can do it, though. And I want to. I want to teach myself how to succeed, and start doing it. Sooner rather than later.

Let there be light! Yep, you guessed it, you are the all knowing God. Except you’re also the incarnation of good… one of the two main incarnations. Satan is the other one, obviously your nemesis. Well, you don’t interact with humans or the other incarnations… God knows why. You leave it up to the other incarnations to foil satan’s plans to make the whole world evil. What Incarnation of Immortality are you? (wonderful pictures) brought to you by Quizilla

Well…I wasn’t quite expecting that. Interesting definition of God, there…

I want a Shuttle, because:

A popular application for Shuttle XP’s are home theater P’s. Usually coupled with ATI All in Wonders or Hauppauge PVR250/350, XP’s made a perfect HTPC for non-audio/videophile users due to their size and simplistic nature.

Sean and I actually saw one when we were in Japan. He wanted to buy it then, but was dissuaded by the price. He says that he would buy me one now, except that he is derailed by the very same reason.

I’ve been sort of busy lately…not too busy to blog, or to sleep 12+ hours a night, but about as busy as a housewife with an in-home part time job can be. I got a new desk, and I spent a day putting it together, and another couple days rearranging furniture. I still have a hutch to put on, and I’ll do that soon, then get the office completely put back together. My old desk is now in the bedroom, and it will become a combination vanity/letter-writing center/place to use the laptop. For now, it is the Repository of Stuff That Needs To Go Back into the Office.

Other than that, I’ve had a fair amount of 2go-Box work to do, and I’ve done it, and life is good. I’ve also decorated the apartment for Christmas. Our little 3′ tree looks so pretty all lit up at night :)

And that’s about it, really. Getting the desk has considerably raised my spirits. It’s a large L-shaped desk with a patented “digital dock”, i.e. a nook in the corner for my computer to sit in. It looks cool! You can see pictures at the other thing I’ve been working on, a family website. So far we have pictures for weddings, babies, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and my desk (I’ll probably remove them after awhile, since they aren’t particularly relevant to anyone but me); we also have recipes, stories, and some links. I hope the site will grow to include genealogy information as well. For now, I’m just glad I got it working!

There are still some things on my to-do list, most importantly being finishing up my work on the new No-Dog website. Americart has flummoxed me for some time now, but it’s a waste of money to let more time pass without implementing the site. It’s my top priority in the next few days to get cracking on that site, and hopefully get it done before the Lord of the Rings marathon next Tuesday (the 16th).

Speaking of which, I’m really looking forward to that! Sean and I are going to Columbia, South Carolina, since they aren’t doing the marathon here. It’ll be quite an adventure :> Reid says he’ll tell us how to get to the theater; I suppose I’ll ask him to do so on Saturday, when we meet him, Cheryl, and Grandma Flo for lunch to celebrate Grandma Flo’s birthday.

After the marathon, the next big thing is going to Kentucky for Christmas. I’m really looking forward to that :) It will be great to see everyone…and I just love Christmas. Presents or no, it’s just a great time of year. I love the music and all the decorations and the festive mood.

We don’t have plans for New Year’s yet, but we’ll be in Augusta, so we’ll probably end up going to someone’s place (maybe William and Michelle’s out in Hephzibah?). I don’t really want to host because I don’t stock or buy alcohol, so it would just be awkward :> Actually, I remember the first New Year’s party we went to at William and Michelle’s then-apartment…I had to buy the alcohol because Michelle wasn’t old enough. So I guess I’m not particularly opposed to buying it…but I still feel like it would be a little weird.

Besides, I don’t need drunk people vomiting all over my apartment.

After New Year’s, the next thing will be…our anniversary! Sean and I will have been married a whole year (gasp) on January 4, 2004. So far we don’t have any plans whatsoever. :) Hopefully we’ll at least go out to dinner.

That’s what’s been on my mind lately: planning for the future. I’ve also been looking into Augusta State University‘s Master of Business Administration degree. I’ve been really thinking about something I heard earlier this year, the idea that “poor people buy stuff, middle income people buy liabilities, and rich people buy assets”. I want to learn how to buy and manage assets…and I think an MBA would help me. So far the only idea I have is to buy a townhouse or apartment and rent it out, letting the rentors make the payments for me, and then, once the townhouse was paid off, buying another one. And so on. To do that and feel comfortable about it, I would need to be able to make the payments myself, should it happen that I don’t have a rentor for a matter of months. I’m not at that point yet, so for now it’s a tentative idea for the future.

I definitely want to be making money, though, and not just spending it.

So that’s where I am right now, blog-readers. And since sitting on my feet has caused both lower legs to fall into tingly sleep, I will conclude here. If I don’t see you again before the holidays, Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year.

:>

Didn’t get much sleep last night; I went to bed around 2:30 and got up at around 8:20. Sure, that’s plenty of sleep for the normal, aren’t-enough-hours-in-the-day American…but it wasn’t very much in Heather terms. I’m thinking about going back for a bit of a snooze, but I wanted to mention that I did play tennis today (missed it on Tuesday; slept in…ugh), and also that I really, really, really like the new Sailor Moon live action series. It is so much fun! Basic plot elements and character developments are the same, but how they come out is different. Crown is a karaoke place instead of an arcade, and Motoki has some weird sort of affection for turtles. (I don’t know.) It’s cute and funny and also serious, and I have no problem taking it seriously (unlike the vast majority of my friends…okay, 100% of my friends…did I mention that they are all male?) So yeah…really enjoying it so far :) I can’t wait for episode 8!

I was able to play tennis today with Paul. I went over to his apartment complex and we played in the newly-resurfaced court just beyond the parking lot. There is only one court, at least on that side of the complex, but it was okay; no one else was around or wanting to play. We managed to hit the ball out of the court and into the forest several times, but it was easier to weave through the trees to get to it due to the fact that the forest is apparently thinned out and cut back by whoever does the excellent landscaping at the complex. Unfortunately, there is no gate to exit on that side of the court, so we had to walk all the way around to get back there.

Still, it was a lot of fun, and my knee doesn’t hurt at all anymore.

I do, however, suddenly have allergies. A severe runny nose and lots of sneezing. It started sometime during tennis and has lasted all day…ugh. I’ve taken allergy medicine twice, but it hasn’t seemed to help much. The first time I took it, I took a nap immediately thereafter; I recently took the second dose, and it’s making me drowsy again, so I’ll probably go to bed soon.

I need to get started on my housecleaning schedule thing from FlyLady, at some point…I’m not “behind”, per se, but I haven’t begun, either. I did, however, shine one of my sinks tonight.

For some reason, when I got up (the second time) I was convinced that it was Thursday and that I had missed tennis with Paul. But it wasn’t Thursday!

If my knee feels okay tomorrow, I will play tennis. Maybe I’ll even try it if it doesn’t feel okay :P

Knee…still…hurting! ARGH!

I actually took three Advil and went back to bed after making my blog post this morning. I couldn’t concentrate, and I knew I couldn’t get into any housework, so I figured I’d try to rest and relax and see if it would get better. It did, seemingly; I mean, I can move without wanting to cry, but I still tend to make “Aaah!” and “Ugh!” and “Grah!” noises. Having sex with knee pain is no picnic, I can tell you.

I got up from my nap at around 3:30 or so, struggled out of bed, and got dressed. I fully intended to limp down to the car and drag up at least some of the soda, when it abruptly occurred to me that the soda is in Sean‘s car, which at the time was with him at the fort. Well! So I didn’t do that, but I did put the dishes away and mess around online, and then at 5 I asked Sean if he was hungry, and since he was I went ahead and started on dinner (crab alfredo with salad and garlic bread–my home-made [read: buttered, garlic salted regular store-bought wheat bread] garlic bread is pretty good).

He came home and took the garbage out (two bags sitting in the kitchen since yesterday! O_O!), and then we sat down and ate at the dinner table. It was the first time we’d done that in awhile; usually I just bring his food to him at the computer. We chatted and flirted and ate, then cleaned up and settled in at our computers for about 15 minutes, and then ran off to the bedroom. Knee pain be damned!

Bellsouth is having weird DNS issues, so Sean started messing with the settings when we got back online. This meant that I couldn’t surf the web (I’d been reading the archives of PartiallyClips, a webcomic I discovered through Sluggy), and downloading pictures from Prince of Tennis.com), chat, or download anime…my only reasons for using the computer. So I went to the living room and cracked open Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

As Kevin knows (since I keep telling him), I used to have that movie memorized. I could watch it in my head, seeing everything play out in real time. So watching it again was kind of neat. I hadn’t seen it in years, so it wasn’t completely fresh, but at the same time I anticipated every line, every sound effect. Some sound effects were too quiet on my TV to hear, so I turned up the volume to correct the experience. Rather bizarre.

What was nice was that the DVD worked on my DVD player. A lot of the newer DVDs don’t. Another nice thing is that the DVD is double-sided, containing both pan-and-scan and widescreen versions. If you are a true friend, you know which one I chose. ;)

Sean has hopefully worked out the issue with Bellsouth, so presumably our service will be back to normal within a day or so. That would be good. In the meantime, at least I can surf and post and stuff.

Still have a lot of 2go-Box work to get done…ugh.

I was supposed to pick Sean up at the fort whenever he got in last night. Figuring that he would get back at around the usual time for leaving work (why I assumed this, I have no idea), I drove out that way to the oriental market on Lumpkin (two exits past the one for Fort Gordon on I-520). I got a little turned around on Deans Bridge Road, but ultimately found my destination, and ended up going to the little store first.

Though small, the place seems to have some of everything, including European chocolates. I was mostly interested in the Japanese items, like the rice cookers and water heaters (for tea) and the dishes and the porcelain dolls in glass boxes. I didn’t buy any of these, of course, but I did browse!

Finally I selected three packets of miso soup mix, a box of curry mix, and a bag of rice. I was about to leave when two Japanese ladies started speaking in Japanese to each other, standing around the big bags of rice. I halfway understood what they were saying, but not really, which was annoying (though they might have wanted it that way). What’s important is that I noticed the fridge behind them, and checking through it, I found a little box of red bean cakes.

YUM!

So I bought those too, up at the counter manned by the cute little old man. I don’t know what his name is, but I guess his family owns the store. The last time I was there, I was with Sue (Paul’s mom) and Trisha (Paul’s mom’s brother’s wife), and I had a brief conversation with him and his Japanese wife about the fact that I had been to Kyoto. I’m pretty sure he didn’t remember me from then, but I remembered him. (As my friends know, I have a thing for old men. They are just so cute!)

I had assumed that Sean would call for a pickup while I was out, and so it was with a bit of consternation that I left the store. Driving back on I-520, I kept slowing down more and more as I neared the Fort Gordon exit. I think I was actually going (gasp) 55 when I finally passed it, and still no call. So I resolutely went forward, stopping at the bank to make a deposit before finally going home.

I was wearing my new pair of brown leather high heeled boots (I love boots!), and as I climbed out of Sean’s car I whined to myself about having to climb the stairs…but it really wasn’t that bad, and soon I was eating a red bean cake and puttering around online. I left the boots on, expecting to have to leave at any moment…and besides, they were making my knees feel better.

I woke up yesterday (and today, for that matter) with horrible pain in my left knee. It doesn’t seem to like to bend or straighten in certain positions, but in other positions it’s tolerable. Going to bed with knee pain was, well, a pain :> It was hard to find the best way to lie there that provoked the minimum amount of ouch factor. This was obviously a problem last night; the night before, I didn’t have the pain until I woke up in the morning.

It was brought on by me actually getting up and doing stuff on Monday, I suppose…my shins are also sore, probably both from walking and from wearing high heeled boots yesterday. It’s the good kind of sore that means exercise…the knee pain is not a good kind of anything. I was hoping it would be gone by now, but alas.

This knee thing has happened to me before, though I’m not sure if it has been the left leg every time. I think it has happened to the right one too. The first time it happened, I believe, I was down here visiting Sean, and I had to drive home with it. It was really, really obnoxious. Since then I’ve had it crop up a couple times. I’m not exactly sure why it happens, but I would really like it to go away.

So I was messing around on the computer, waiting for Sean to call. It got later and later and later. The sun went down. Finally, after much consternation, I ate a pimiento cheese sandwich; I was hungry, and I thought maybe Sean would be really late, and that he would eat with his coworkers.

It wasn’t too long after that that I suddenly heard a loud thunk coming from the living room. It took a few seconds for it to actually register; then, worried that something had fallen over or someone was doing something suspicious, I limped as fast as possible out there…to find that my front door had come open and then stuck on the latch. Had I left the door unlocked? It was a good thing I’d bolted it, then…

I approached warily to close the door, and suddenly there was knocking. At once I knew it was Sean, yet felt worried that it might not be.

“Who is it?”

“It’s me,” came the familiar voice.

I relaxed in relief as I went to work the bolt open. “What are you doing here?” I asked dumbly, since of course I was supposed to pick him up.

“I live here. At least I think I do,” he joked. I finally got the door open and he exchanged pleasantries with someone I couldn’t see, someone who had obviously brought him home. He then strode in with his bag; I picked up the laptop case and followed him, closing and relocking the door.

We kissed for a long time after that, then moved to the bedroom.

It was really nice. I don’t want to get into specifics about my lovemaking on a public blog, but I do want to mention that it was especially loving and tender this time. We did a lot of snuggling, and, strangely enough, talking. We’d never had a conversation during sex before; it was kind of neat. It was like we were reconnecting not just physically, but emotionally. I told him everything I’d been doing, and we flirted and teased each other.

When we were finally finished reacquainting ourselves, I moved to the kitchen to make some curry for my poor husband who hadn’t eaten any dinner yet, while he got comfortable at the PC. It took awhile to get done, but it turned out fantastic. I especially loved eating rice again…I really missed it.

The kitchen was fortunately clean for my dinner preparations due to a tidy-up bent that hit me before I went to the oriental market. Faye recently told me about FlyLady, a resource site for housewives who need help sticking to a routine and managing their clutter. I signed up for the list, and since then I’ve been receiving numerous peppy emails telling me to clean things. I ended up cleaning the kitchen and the toilets, though those actually weren’t on FlyLady’s schedule. They were just things that had to be done. I may adapt the FlyLady schedule, but for now it’s just enough that I feel motivated to do anything at all.

After getting back from the oriental market, I cleaned up some more, moving the laundry off the dining room table finally (I’m so bad about that recently) and finally into the closet, putting my new shoes away, and organizing my 2go-Box paperwork into two of the shoeboxes. And after Sean came home and we ate dinner, I received another email from FlyLady, ordering me to go do the dishes and “shine the sink”. So I did.

I have no idea how to shine a sink, and I didn’t feel like checking her website for directions, so I just used Formula 409, and I think that was the wrong thing to do. It doesn’t look particularly shiny, though it is clean. I’ll do a little research later and see what I should do next time.

One of FlyLady’s mantras is “get dressed down to the shoes”, but right now I’m still in my Dog Tired nightie. The only reason I’m up at all is because of my knee pain; Sean and I didn’t make it to bed until 3something this morning, and typically under those circumstances I would snooze for a few more hours. But at 7:20 I was in pain and had to go to the bathroom, and the idea of lying back down and trying to get my leg comfortable was intensely unappealing, so I just stayed up.

I’m moving my leg around, trying to work out whatever it is that is making my knee hurt, but I don’t know if it’s actually helping. It seems that keeping my leg in one position only makes it hurt more when I finally have to move it, so I’m hoping that more constant movement will diminish it…but who knows. I wish it would just go away!

The kitchen is still clean. According to FlyLady, this week’s target area is bathrooms, and my task for today is the countertops and sink. I suppose I can deal with that. I’m really happy that I finally cleaned the toilets; they tend to get a ring around them very easily, and I’m not sure why. I meant to pick up 2000 Flushes at Wal-Mart on Monday, but I completely forgot.

I did, however, finally clean the bar top/counter thingie that separates the kitchen from the living room and dining room. I’ve dusted it before, but this time I removed everything, washed the counter, then cleaned everything and put it back. It looks nicer, at least to me. That and the cleaning of my washer and dryer and the organization of my pantry are the crowning achievements of my day yesterday, since I’ve never done those things before. I feel a nice sense of accomplishment.

Due to my knee pain plus the fact that I got up a little late, I did not play tennis with Paul yesterday. I hope the knee pain goes away soon enough for me to play tomorrow. I would like to get tennis back into my routine, and not just because I really like Prince of Tennis. Tennis is the one sport that I ever actually enjoyed playing. I never played for school or on a team or anything, but I did take lessons once, a long, long time ago. I’d like to get back into it, since it’s something I enjoy.

Speaking of tennis, the other day on IRC I was joking (yet again) about how Carver and Foreman are joined at the hip, and Foreman remarked that they were “the Golden Pair”. This led to a discussion of who was Oishi and who was Kikumaru…and it turned out that Foreman matched Kikumaru quite well. I commented offhandedly that Foreman must do “acrobatic tennis” and he responded eagerly, “I DO!!!” He then explained that back in high school, he was on the tennis team, and when playing doubles, he would always dive to get the ball. So that he wouldn’t fall and hurt himself, he would tumble into a somersault after making the return, then be up and ready after the roll to hit the next ball. He really IS Kikumaru!!!! (I should make sure he starts saying gibberish phrases like “Hoi hoi” and calling Hyper “ochibi”…)

I think that’s all I have to say. I love rambling, so I’m sure I could think of something else, but it’s time for my short attention span to be directed elsewhere. Until next time, adieu, adieu, to yuu and yuu and yuu.

Two and a half hours ago I was going to bed, but before I did, I wanted to inform all three of my readers that I had a good day today.

That, at least, was how I started out the blog entry that was lost by my net connection suddenly going down.

Oh well.

I wanted to say that today was good. It had its bittersweet moments, but it was good. Getting out of the apartment and doing things was nice. I rode up with Sean to Fort Gordon and then took the car on errands to the oriental market (unfortunately closed), the mall, Best Buy, Allstate, and Wal-Mart. I bought four pairs of shoes at Payless for $54. I bought Top Gun, Army of Darkness, and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles on DVD. I had McDonald’s for lunch, and I did quite a bit of 2go-Boxing. I made a video for Connor and then talked to him on the phone. And while waiting for my net connection to come back up, I finished reading Pastwatch: The Redemption of Christopher Columbus by Orson Scott Card.

All in all, it’s been a pretty good day, and, most surprisingly, I was in a pretty good mood for most of it.

Sometimes I felt sad. In Wal-Mart I almost exploded into tears upon sight of a pregnant woman packing receiving blankets into a cart laden with goodies for newborns. Talking to Connor, and hearing him say most often “I wish you could stay here” and second most often “I really miss you”, my eyes stung, and I felt just as lonely as I ever have. With Sean away in North Carolina on business–to pick up his RTI name badge, he says–it is a far more direct aloneness. Feeling this pining for companionship, I have to shudder at the thought of how I keep leaving Sean alone here for weeks on end when I go home to visit my family.

On another day, the sad things would have dominated. But somehow, today, they didn’t. I feel good, and wholly satisfied, even though I lost my original post. I’ve recreated the important parts here; if I think of something I missed, I can always tack it on later. But in truth, those were the things that were on my mind; rewriting does much for concision.

I don’t know why today was better…but I like it!

Writing is the one thing that everyone has always told me I’m good at.

That’s why I’m so unsure about giving it up.

I signed up for NaNoWriMo, but here it is November 8 and I haven’t written a thing. I have nothing to say, no stories to tell. I feel as if everything that could be said or told has been done, or will be done, by someone with far more talent than I possess. I am so easily critical of other people’s work, but the truth is, I don’t know if even I meet my standards. Sometimes I do. Sometimes there’s a flash of brilliance in what I write. But I’ve never maintained it throughout a work. I’ve never completed anything worthy of being published, or even really of being shown to others.

This is not humility. This is fact. I have a dozen false starts saved on disc, and I have a handful of completed yet shoddy short stories. That’s it. I’m not one of those brilliant writers who’s written pages and pages of material but refuses to show them out of fear of rejection. I have nothing, really.

I don’t write.

I don’t write…I don’t do anything. I’ve tried to motivate myself, but all this motivation has done is make me feel worse. I don’t know what it is I want out of life, other than to travel, to try new things, to eat, to have fun. When I think of the things I want to do, it seems like they all have a cost, and none of them will benefit me in any way other than enjoyment.

Was I ever excited about the prospect of working, of learning something, of growing as a person? Or have I always been as superficial as I am now, regarding with distaste the activities I feel I should leap towards?

I want to care about something. I want to have a goal.

I feel like my life is meaningless. Life has only the meaning I give it, and I haven’t given it anything in months. I’m not working towards anything, and I can’t think of anything that I want to work towards.

I thought signing up for National Novel Writing Month would help, but it only gave me a temporary euphoria. Now that reality is setting in–I have no idea what to write about, while all my friends have started already–I find myself seeing NaNoWriMo as just another burden.

I want to cast it all off…but if I do, what will be left?

You’re Taka-san!

(Prince of Tennis) Which Seigaku Regular are you? brought to you by Quizilla

BURNING!!!!!!!!!

Well, I’m trying to lose weight again. This time, though, I have a schedule!

When I first get up, I will go for a walk. After that I will clean house. Once that’s done, I will sit down for some data entry for 2go-Box (my new job, that I got last week). Soon it will be time to make dinner, so I will do that, and after dinner I will be free to do as I please. This is my plan, assuming I get up sometime around noon.

I pulled it off today, getting up at 12:22 and relaxing a little before going for my walk. I made it for three laps around the complex, then came back in and started work on the data entry. At around 4 or so I started cleaning the bathrooms. A few months ago I made up a schedule for cleaning the apartment that essentially covers all the rooms in a five day period, leaving the weekends free for relaxing. I’m going to use that schedule; Monday is Bathroom Day.

It was pretty miserable, scrubbing the grout and floors and toilets, especially in Sean’s bathroom (men are so dirty! I don’t know how they manage it), but the bathrooms look lovely. (The biggest problem in mine was a thin sheen of dust.) It shouldn’t be such a chore next week, given that there won’t have been weeks and weeks for dirt to accumulate. So that’s good.

Tomorrow is Bedroom Day, which should be easy, easy, easy. Mainly a lot of dusting. Our bedroom is quite clean.

Wednesday is Living Room/Dining Room Day, Thursday is Office Day, and Friday is Laundry/Vacuum Day. I didn’t include the kitchen because I figure I should really be cleaning that every day…and I pretty much do, anyway. (Today I was feeling inspired, and I actually took the stove apart and scoured it.)

In the schedule, I have written that I want to do Japanese study and something creative every day as well, but I’m not sure where I will fit those things in, time-wise. It depends on how early I get up, and how I feel after dinner. Things like that.

Looking at the boards, I have no desire to post right now whatsoever. Partially it’s because I’m exhausted, but also nothing is really strikingly interesting at the moment. I’m not sure I could do a post justice even if I was interested, though; I feel bone-tired. Hopefully as I get used to the schedule, I will be more able to do all the things I want to. “The more you do, the more you will be able to do,” and all that.

Also part of this plan is Slim-Fast, which I had for breakfast (lunch) and my after-dinner meal thingy. I’m not sure if my schedule will stay this way or not, but as long as two of my three meals are Slim-Fast, it’s not a big deal. I do need to go get some skim milk, though.

I feel like I’m paraphrasing everything and that I should write more, but I’m really not very alert right now. Bed beckons. Maybe I’ll watch some anime and then get some shuteye.