Sometimes you just need your friends.

I didn’t go back to work after lunch. I called in, essentially, and we’re going to have a discussion about my problems with the job on Monday. I have until then to crystallize all the issues into a concise format.

Emotionally exhausted, I went to bed. I had plans with Mari and crew to bike ride, so I left her a message on BoB to call me when I should come over. She did call, twice, but I didn’t hear the phone. Finally at 6:45, I woke up, checked my messages, and called her back. Due to the rain, they hadn’t gone biking, and they hadn’t had dinner yet either, so I was still welcome to go.

I got dressed and left the bedroom and discovered that Sean was in the office on his computer. “You’re here,” I said, and for a long time I just hugged him. I let him know I was leaving, and we said goodbye again, and then I left.

Mari, Kelly, Chris and I watched the last two episodes of El Hazard–pretty good stuff. We had this turkey cheese wrap thing and home fries…mmm. Then Chris had to leave. Mari and I ate some cake, and then we all watched the first episode of The Prisoner. It looks really neat, and I want to watch the rest of it.

After that we just sat around talking, about all kinds of stuff. Education, welfare, stupid people…;> I feel like everyone is complacent about the educational system…at least complacent enough not to try to enact big changes. The few people who are interested in that aren’t able to get the support they need because of this. It makes me wonder if I shouldn’t try to get my personal ideas about education out to more people, to try and drum up some interest. Our current educational system is too outdated for the modern world, and I don’t think we can afford to stay this way for much longer. Of course, I don’t know if my ideas are good enough, but at least they’re something. We’ll see.

Regardless, after spending time with my friends, I do feel much better. I’m sure the nap (and chocolate cake) helped too, but mostly I just like being with people who are interesting and who are interested in me, and doing things that we all like. It’s really calming and refreshing.

I still don’t know what I want to do about my job. On the one hand, it has been a great opportunity for me. I have at least some influence in decisions, and my ideas are appreciated. I’ve come up with a couple of different things that may be implemented later. This sort of thing makes me feel special and important…but I don’t know if that outweighs the other stuff.

[An extended description of what I dislike appeared here earlier. I have removed it out of consideration for my employer. Ultimately, writing it out helped me to determine that there are two things I would like my boss to do.]

At this point, I’m thinking that if he can’t do these things, I’ll tender my resignation. But that’s just how I feel right now. We’ll see how I feel after the weekend.

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I wish I loved my job

I used to love it, but now it’s just all fucked up, and I hate it, and everything sucks, and I don’t know what to do other than cry.

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A defense of the war on terror

I started a thread on the Sushicam forums, mainly to react to a statement by CoolMoDee in the comments. I ended up writing quite a bit, and I’d like to archive it here. This is probably the first time I’ve expressed my feelings about the war in Iraq.

The quotes below are from CoolMoDee’s comment, and the rest is me.

If bush does lose the election(and right now, its not looking to good for him), I don’t think it will send a message that they can continue doing that [the beheadings] and get their way. I think they will see the change in power/political party as the cause for it.

Well, but who caused the change in power/political party? The voters. And why did they vote that way? A myriad number of reasons. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to assume that at least some terrorists will think that the voters have been terrorized into voting Bush out. This will then be an affirmation of their actions. Obviously they want Bush out too.

I honestly don’t know what the right thing to do is. If I was in charge, I would be paralyzed by indecision. There are too many ways for people to be hurt.

I also wanted to respond to this:

As far as people getting beheaded, I know it sucks, really bad, and they shouldn’t be doing that, but they (the contracters etc) knew the risk of going into an active war zone.

I’m not sure people expected kidnappings and beheadings when they volunteered their time to help out in Iraq. I think they were expecting to be blown up or shot…something “civilized”. Kidnappings and beheadings are not straightforward and they are very personal. They are completely opposite to what I think the average person expects out of a war. They are acts of terrorism.

Regardless of how we got into the mess in Iraq, we are fighting terrorists there now, people who want to force us to do their wishes and to eventually destroy us. I really can’t see it in any other way. If we bow to their desires, we’re giving them a foothold.

But you’re right, I mean, what can we do? How can we stop it without letting them win? All I can think of is to continue to hunt them, but in the meantime more deaths will occur.

And what, then, do we tell the people who want to help? If we only let the military in and no civilians, isn’t that a victory for terrorism too?

I don’t know, sometimes I feel so far removed from the majority of the opinions I see online. I don’t understand those opinions, but everyone seems to have them and to agree that they are perfectly logical. I guess we’re all coming from a different place. Me, I’m terrified of losing my personal freedom to go to work and not worry about being killed on the way there. I’m worried about the US being unable to stop terrorism, and terrorism becoming more widespread, seen as a viable means of getting one’s way. I’m worried about anarchy. And I can’t help but see what’s going on in Iraq as a very important milestone in the “war on terror”–the crossroads of whether or not we will remain a civilized world.

I guess I should explain “civilized”…because maybe people don’t believe we are civilized, either. Basically what I mean by that is, there are established guidelines for how to act in a society, and these include how to wage war. Biological and nuclear weapons are frowned upon because of these ethics…and so is the slaying of innocent civilians, people who have not chosen to fight.

I’m not saying that the US, or any other nation for that matter, has not made mistakes and broken these rules. But I am saying that these rules exist, and that most people in nations who adhere to these rules would agree that they should be followed.

What we are seeing now is a gradual moving away from these rules, to a more “anything goes” sort of warfare–at least on the part of the terrorists. Civilians are now fair game. Biological and nuclear weapons would be used, if the terrorists could get their hands on any.

But people don’t seem to be worried about this at all…that’s what I can’t understand. People seem to be ignoring the different gradations and the contrasts between different ways of waging war…they’re caught, instead, in the infinite loop of “war is bad”.

Well, yes. Obviously war is bad. But it’s going to happen, so we need to start thinking about how war is waged, and how we want to wage it, and where we want the world to go. What we do now is going to set the tone for all wars in the future. If we try to take the high road by saying war is bad, if we just leave at this juncture, it’s not going to make the terrorists stop. They’re not going to say, “Ah, yes, you see, war is bad. We’ll stop waging it too.” They’re going to keep doing what they think they need to do to get what they want.

Let me mention that I can understand where they’re coming from, in a way. If you think of the world in terms of “West” versus “East”, then the East, while actually bigger and more populous, is the “minority”. Countries that have Westernized themselves, like Japan, have a better chance of getting their way, or at least of being able to live their lives the way they want to. The “Middle East” does not wish to Westernize itself in the same way Japan did. I imagine they feel coerced, pressured by the “ruling” culture. They want power and influence and the right to live their own lives, but they feel that their culture is contaminated from all the outside Western influences.

Some have dealt with that in whatever ways they can. But some have decided that the only way to deal with the problem is to completely destroy the “West”, and that is what I can’t understand. It’s a hatred, an intolerance that goes far beyond muttered racial slurs.

This sounds like a “don’t hate us because we’re superior” argument, but I would also say “don’t hate others because they’re different”. I have nothing against the religion of Islam, or people who want to practice it. My best friend from high school married a Muslim from Pakistan. My problem is with intolerance of any kind, towards anyone, and that includes any “privileged class”.

If we back out, I fear that we will essentially be telling them that they can do whatever they want. They can ignore what hundreds of years of warfare have taught us: that civilized warfare is the only way to ensure any sort of peace and understanding afterwards. There is no way, ultimately, for them to do what they’re doing and for others to never resent them for it. They will have to crush us if they continue to using these tactics, because diplomatically they have no leg to stand on.

We don’t have a perfect system right now for waging war. Obviously, the perfect system would be one in which war never had to occur. We’re nowhere near close to that. But we have made progress, and we have been learning. What’s happening now in Iraq is a crucial point. Will we continue to learn and grow towards an enlightened future, or will we allow terror and anarchy to become the new world order?

Those are, essentially, my thoughts. Again, let me stress that I don’t have a solution…I’m just sharing my concerns. I feel that a no-tolerance policy towards terrorism is better than letting them do as they wish; I can’t think of a better solution, and if I could I would embrace it eagerly. There has been too much bloodshed on all sides. But I think it’s important that we ensure that none of it was in vain.

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DAY TWELVE

I couldn’t manage to force myself out of bed at 5 this morning, and it was only with the strength of will of something with very great strength of will :> that I forced myself to stay up after shutting off the alarm at 6. So, no morning workout today. Hopefully we will bike or do something else tonight.

Sean’s leaving for his LAN party straight from work, so we said goodbye last night.

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I am up way too late.

I’m glad tomorrow’s Friday. I’m looking forward to sleeping in on Saturday morning. Sean will be gone all weekend at a LAN party, so I can pretty much do whatever I want. So far my plans include sleep, sleep, and sleep.

I went biking with Mari, Kelly, and Chris tonight. For about the first half of the trail (a quarter of our total distance), I felt terrible. My legs were burning, and not in a good way, but in a “they’re about to fall off” way. Finally I got Kelly to raise the seat for me…and things were infinitely better. I was still tired, but that’s understandable. As Mari pointed out, this is my first time doing the full track twice in one week.

Towards the end of the ride, it started drizzling. We hurried to get back, and to my amazement I was able to ride up the hill quickly and with less effort than normal. I’d been expecting to have to get off and walk, after that long ride.

We went to Monterrey for dinner, then went by Mari and Kelly’s new house (it’s almost finished!) and then went back to their apartment and watched several episodes of El Hazard. The weirdness was a bit much for Chris. I think it’s all right, though I’d really like to see it subbed instead of dubbed. I guess I’m one of those “purists” or something…I feel like I understand an anime on a deeper level when I hear it in Japanese.

Speaking of which…the end of Sailor Moon 35, where Usagi realizes that Minako is Sailor Venus, was very striking to me the other day. So much so that when I was pulling out of my apartment complex later, and traffic wouldn’t let me go for awhile, I cried out “Uso!” instead of my usual curse. :>

Anyway, I do love Jinnai’s dubbed laughter…it’s pretty damn funny. He’s probably my favorite character, to be honest. The rest are kind of bland, even the evil bishounen child molester and the horny lesbian.

Planning on going biking with the same crew tomorrow. Yes, I am insane. O_o Maybe I can convince them all to come swimming afterwards.

Okay, it’s like, totally time for bed.

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The mysterious pants

When I bought these jeans at Wal-Mart–about a week ago–I thought I was getting the same size as my other pants of the same brand/style, which fit me perfectly the last time I wore them. However, when I got home I discovered that they were two sizes smaller (you know how they always count in twos in the upper women’s sizes…one of those gradations). I tentatively put them on, just to see…and not only did they fit, but they were loose!

Now, I can pull them out about four inches from my waist. I haven’t washed them yet, so I’m expecting some shrinkage. If I lose weight and they don’t shrink much, they may become unwearable :>

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Uh…whoa.

Let’s just say that Princess Serenity kicks ass, and leave it at that O_O;;;;;

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DAY ELEVEN

One lap around the complex, no handweights. My muscles were all feeling pretty tight, so I spent extra time on stretching everything. Five minutes on the stairclimber, and then my usual crunches and leg lifts routine. I went up to 15 weak-ass quads-on-the-floor pushups…I am determined to be able to do a proper pushup someday. (At least this time I didn’t have my stomach on the floor.)

Now I’m drinking a French Vanilla Slim Fast, and I’m about to watch Sailor Moon 36 :)

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Home for lunch!

I’m going to watch Sailor Moon 35 again. It’s that awesome. Somebody over on genvid claimed that BSSM won’t be rewatchable, and up until this episode I mostly agreed…but I know now that I can at least watch this one over and over ;D

On Time Magazine’s “Notebook: Milestones” page, it says “10 million: Number of cancer survivors in the U.S. 3 million: Number of cancer survivors in 1971”

Go us!

Looks like we’re expecting scattered thunderstorms again (last night we had a horrid one roll in right as Kelly, Mari, Chris, Sean and I were finishing dinner at Ruby Tuesday’s). So maybe no tennis? We’ll hope for the best.

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Ugh Squared

<Chandler>Could I…be more bored?</Chandler>

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HOLY CRAP!!!!!!!

If that wasn’t the kickassenest episode EVER, I’m a plucked duck!!!!!!!!!

O_O!!!!!!!!!

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DAY TEN

One lap around the complex with handweights, five minutes on the stairclimber, ab, back, and leg workout, five on each side of every kung fu kick I could think of, two minutes to cool down on the treadmill.

I had more time this morning, but I didn’t feel like using it. I wanted to come back and watch BSSM 35. Which I am going to do now :)

Tennis with Paul today, assuming it doesn’t rain like it did Monday.

Biking last night was fine. Did the usual 8 miles, although this time I had to actually stop and get off a few times. I did force myself to make it up the hills at the end, though. I need to 1) get my own bike and 2) bike more frequently.

Also discovered that the Greeneway is the first Rails to Trails project in South Carolina. I’d heard of the program back in Kentucky, but I don’t think there’s one in Lexington. (Yet?) At any rate, it’s really cool to live so close to one. Since it used to be a train track, we’ve got underpasses and a neat green metal bridge. :)

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At least I’m up on time today

Had a weird dream, where I was replaying the same live action game thing in what seemed to be a hotel and casino. There was a woman there who was my contact, and every time I went into the thing I looked for her, and she always helped me out. I remember her striking some sort of superfluous charge from my account at one point. There was also an ostentatious man there, something like a news anchor or announcer, who liked to pretend he was in charge.

Then Mom and I were in a bathtub together, and both of us were having our periods, and it was like a deluge of blood turning the water red.

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DAY NINE

Hit the snooze alarm again today, only getting up when Cher wailed, “You’re not listening to what I say” and Sean made a noise of ultimate suffering.

Messed with my computer before I went out, which I shouldn’t have done. It wasn’t seeing the keyboard, and I wanted to fix it so I could log in and start up some torrents. I finally just unplugged the keyboard and plugged it back in, which worked fine. Then I started up my torrents, only to find that one of them, for Kyou Kara Maou 8, couldn’t connect to the tracker. I went to redownload the torrent, but then I discovered that GotWoot was down! I don’t know if they got hacked or if there was some kind of hosting problem or what, but I hope they come back up soon.

Sailor Moon 35 and Aishiteruze Baby 11 were going along fine, though, so I finally tore myself away and went to the workout room.

There was a really thin girl in there when I arrived, the first time that someone else was there during my workout. She was on one of the treadmills, and I took the other one.

8 minutes on the treadmill, speeding up towards the middle for a 2 minute jog at 4 to 6 minutes, and then I did my crunches routine, then 5 minutes on the stairclimber, then my leg lifts routine. And that was it for me; the girl was still on the treadmill when I left. She’d been speeding up for most of the time I was there, but towards the end she’d started slowing down again. She seemed pretty nice. I guess I won’t mind if she shows up again :)

Having a banana cream Slim Fast for breakfast. I’m out of milk to make the stuff with the mix, which is what I usually do in the morning. Need to get that at some point. I may wait until Friday and let it be a regular grocery shopping day.

I wasn’t able to play tennis yesterday due to rain. Hoping today will be better, for biking, but you never know. :P I guess I should join the activity center up there in North Augusta so I can do stuff indoors up there…assuming there is stuff to do inside that’s comparable. I dunno.

I started watching Hikaru no Go again yesterday, and got through episode 10 or so. Touya is so kawaii…

This weekend, Sean and Adam and I watched the first 10 or so episodes of Prince of Tennis. Looking forward to continuing the marathon…I love that series :D (It’s interesting how Kikumaru’s voice actor changed the way he spoke to be more cute and catlike as the series progressed…he sounded pretty bland at the beginning. And if I haven’t mentioned it before, he’s also Artemis ;>)

Sailor Moon 35 and Aishiteruze Baby 11 just finished d/ling…too bad I don’t have time to watch! ;P

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