One week down

My first week of Weight Watchers is over, and I’ve lost 3.4 pounds.

I’m at such a high weight, and my weight has fluctuated so much, that 3.4 pounds doesn’t seem like all that much. Most crap diets have you losing 10 pounds the first week. But I’m taking heart from this. First of all, Weight Watchers isn’t a crap diet; it’s a lifestyle change. I have been shocked by my eating habits this past week. I never really thought about how many times I feel “hungry” in a given day. This week I learned how to wait.

Secondly, 3.4 pounds is an achievement. I’ve actually been checking my weight every day, and it has consistently gone down this week. That’s not always going to be the case, but it has been helpful in keeping me going so far. It’s not really healthy to lose more than a couple pounds a week, and I want to do this in a healthy way.

I slipped up several times this week–there were days I went over my point limit–but Weight Watchers gives you extra points each week, and I didn’t use all of those up. My crowning achievement has to be last night, when I had enough points left for dessert, but decided I wasn’t hungry and didn’t have any. (!)

I really feel that this is something I can stick with, and that is largely due to Weight Watchers’ online tools. A few years ago I purchased Diet Power, and it did everything I could possibly want to help me diet…it tracked not only calories, but pretty much everything, and auto-adjusted based on weight loss and how much you ate and exercised. But it’s a desktop application, with no web version. To have it with you anywhere, you had to export your data and take it with you, then install the application wherever you were and import your data. I typically only used Diet Power at home, which meant that I wasn’t checking throughout the day to make sure I was on track. The software also took up a lot of processing power, so I’d tend to leave it off and then forget about using it.

Weight Watchers doesn’t track everything Diet Power tracks, but it tracks what matters. Maybe not tracking every single mineral is a good thing. I like that I can input foods with just three values: calories, total fat, and fiber. I don’t have to know, for example, how much iron there is. It’s something less to worry about. And the food database is quite robust; often I don’t have to add the item I’m eating, because it’s already there.

But the best part is, of course, that I can get to the site from any computer with internet access, which means I can stay on track all day. Weight Watchers seems to have many more online tools I can use, too, as I get adjusted.

I’m doing well so far with tracking points and sticking to my limit. I’m going to focus on that this week as well. But I’m also going to try to increase the number of times I work out. I only exercised a few days last week; I’m going to shoot for every day this week.

Every time I’ve tried to lose weight in the past, I’ve failed. But I cannot afford to give up this time. There’s too much at stake.

And I want to achieve this. I want to know that if I stick to a plan over time, I can accomplish great things. There is so much I want to do with my life, but if I don’t get over this fear of commitment I seem to have, I never will.

Things can change, if you work for it

Last year, before I was diagnosed with congestive heart failure, I got exhausted walking just a few feet. When I went to Augusta’s Riverwalk to enjoy the scenery and take pictures, I had to stop and sit down every couple of minutes. The idea of walking all the way from one end to the other and back seemed ludicrous. I didn’t know when I’d gotten so out of shape, but it felt like no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t build up any strength.

It’s been six months since I was diagnosed. Heart medicine has helped my heart rebuild itself–not completely, but about halfway. I’ve found myself feeling better and better. Other than some weird symptoms in my left eye–an intermittent, enveloping blurriness, a higher level of irritability, and lately a weird flashing in the periphery–I feel good. I feel normal. I’ve been able to walk farther and farther, and do aerobics, and ride my bike again.

I knew I was doing well when I walked the North Augusta Greeneway with Brooke and felt like I could keep going forever. But it didn’t really hit me how much I’ve improved until I went to Riverwalk on Thursday. Without feeling tired in the least, I walked the full length and then walked back…and the only reason I ever sat down was because I’d foolishly chosen to wear sandals instead of sneakers.

I can’t describe how that difference makes me feel. I’m an extremely independent-minded person, and stubborn to boot, and not being able to walk even short distances had a huge effect on my personal happiness. I hated it. I hated life, and I hated myself, and I felt helpless to change it.

That diagnosis was the best thing that could have happened to me.

A lot of people are scared to go to the doctor because they’re afraid of what they might find out. They’d rather keep going along, blissfully ignorant.

If that’s you…take it from me. Please don’t. Please go to the doctor.

You may get a scary diagnosis, sure. But you may also find out that there’s treatment, and that you can live a normal life again. You can be strong again. You can do the things you want to do again.

When you do go to the doctor, don’t let them make a snap diagnosis. Bring notes. Tell them all your symptoms. Tell them how your quality of life has changed. My doctor wouldn’t have even thought of heart failure if it hadn’t been for my mom reminding him that I used to bike for hours.

And once you have that diagnosis, don’t run away from it. Do everything your doctor says. Don’t stop taking your meds when you start to feel better. Don’t skip appointments with your doctor, or stop going entirely. Keep a journal of how you’re feeling, and make note of any new symptoms, and let your doctor know. It’s a hassle, and it might make you feel resentful…but that’s still better than losing your ability to function, and dying too soon.

Make a commitment to enjoy life. You have things you want to do, don’t you? Do them. And do what your doctor says so that you’re able to do the things you want to do. Take charge of your health, and take care of yourself. You’ll feel better.

I certainly do.

Casserole Spaghetti

The other night I made this recipe from my 501 Delicious Heart Healthy Recipes cookbook. It took a very long time–after mixing the ingredients on the stove I had to let them simmer for an hour, then mix in more ingredients, put it all in a casserole dish, and bake. So this recipe maybe isn’t something you do on a weeknight…but Sean says it’s definitely worth the wait. He had three helpings. “You have to make this more often,” he said.

1 1/2 pounds ground round
1 1/2 cups chopped onion
1 cup chopped green bell pepper
1/2 cup chopped celery
2 garlic cloves, crushed
1 (10 3/4 ounce) can reduced-fat, reduced-sodium cream of mushroom soup, undiluted
3/4 cup water
1 (14.5 ounce) can no-salt-added whole tomatoes, undrained and chopped
2 tablespoons chili powder
1/8 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1 (8 ounce) package spaghetti
2 ounces reduced-fat sharp Cheddar cheese, cut into 1/2-inch cubes
2 tablespoons chopped pimiento-stuffed olives Cooking spray
1/2 cup (2 ounces) shredded reduced-fat sharp Cheddar cheese

1. Cook first five ingredients in a Dutch oven, stirring until meat crumbles; drain well, and return to Dutch oven. Stir in soup and next 5 ingredients. Bring to a boil over medium heat. Cover, reduce heat, and simmer 1 hour, stirring occasionally.

2. Preheat oven to 325 degrees.

3. Cook spaghetti according to package directions, omitting salt and fat; drain.

4. Stir spaghetti, cheese cubes, and olives into meat sauce. Spoon mixture into a 13×9-inch baking dish coated with cooking spray. Cover and bake at 325 for 20 minutes or until thoroughly heated. Sprinkle with 1/2 cup shredded cheese, and bake, uncovered, 10 additional minutes. Yield: 8 servings.

Notes: I didn’t use lean beef; I used ground chuck. I did not use olives at all. Also, I didn’t have any shredded cheddar cheese, so I didn’t do the last part. And finally, I used minced garlic from a jar rather than fresh. Regardless of all this, the casserole still tasted great.

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Oh, what a shock, Twitter is over capacity!

If you’ve been following my tweets, you know I’ve started Weight Watchers. Maybe that has something to do with the absolutely foul mood I’ve been in lately. I hate not being able to do whatever I want whenever I want. (I’m such an American.)

I actually feel pretty good, health-wise. And I don’t feel like I’m stressing out. I’m just getting annoyed by everything.

Rassafrassin’…

I do most of my whining on Twitter these days, but as usual, it’s over capacity. Or as my friend Chris would put it, the FailWhale is up. So here I am, posting nothing on my blog, because this is how much I want to complain.

Sorry, universe, if I overload you with negative energy today.

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Comment moderation

I hate to do it, but a round of World of Warcraft farming spam has left me with no choice.

I’ve enabled comment moderation.

This means, unfortunately, that your comments will have to wait for me to approve them before they appear on the site.

I’ve always enjoyed the immediacy of feedback here. I really hate to lose that. But I will not allow my blog to become some jerk’s advertising pipeline.

If you see any spam comments anywhere, please let me know so I can delete them.

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My previous post title is apropos

It turns out it wasn’t a black and white issue. I thought it would be one of two possible outcomes; it never occurred to me that there’d be one in the middle.

My heart has recovered…some. My ejection fraction is now 35. An average person’s EF is over 55. My doctor says this is good news, but she still recommends the implanted cardioverter-defibrillator. However, the decision is up to me.

Dr. G explained to me that when they implant the ICD, they purposefully put you into V-fib to see if it works. If not, they shock you the old-fashioned way to keep you from dying, and then change the settings.

That kind of bothered me. If I haven’t gone into V-fib ever, it seems to me like putting me into it intentionally only increases the chances that it will happen again.

When I got home I read about the procedure to implant the ICD and what recovery is like. Obviously it involves surgery. The surgeon creates a “pocket” under the collarbone, like they do for a pacemaker, and a lead (or three) goes down a vein to the heart. You’re not put all the way under, but there is a sedative.

As with any surgery, I imagine there’s a chance of death during the procedure.

If I do this, I will have a device stuck in my body that will be noticeable through the skin. Plus I’ll have a scar. Plus, they pretty much never remove these things, even if you get better.

If I don’t do this, and I ever do go into V-fib, or my heart is otherwise irregular, I won’t have anything to save me from sudden cardiac death.

The issue, to my way of thinking, is whether or not I am in grave danger of my heartbeat becoming irregular or stopping. This may just be the heart meds talking, or my complete lack of desire to undergo surgery again…but I don’t feel like I am. I think my heart has improved a great deal in the almost six months since I was diagnosed, and I believe it will continue to improve. I think that if I had worked harder to improve my diet and exercise, it would be better than it is…and I think if I work on those areas now, I can help it improve even more.

At this point, I feel like waiting and seeing what happens.

I have an appointment next month with the doctor who does the procedure, then a follow-up with Dr. G in July. By then it will have been eight months since my diagnosis.

Some heart patients apparently wait nine months to see if their heart has recovered, so why not wait that extra month and then have another echo before I undergo life-altering surgery?

That’s basically where I am right now. Obviously, I’m going to talk with more people and learn as much as I can, to try and make the most informed choice.

To defib or not to defib

It’s been about six months since I was diagnosed with congestive heart failure and started on medication. Today’s the day I get my heart echoed again to see if it has recovered.

If it hasn’t recovered, then it probably won’t. This will mean I will have to have a defibrillator implanted in my chest, to restart my heart in case it happens to stop. With medication, I will still feel normal (as I have felt for the past few months), but my heart won’t actually be normal.

I am not sure if this is like a pacemaker, meaning I can’t be near microwaves and cell phones, or not. I basically put that knowledge off, because I figured there’s no sense in worrying about it if it doesn’t even happen. Of course, now the not knowing is bothering me.

If my heart has recovered, I will feel normal (as I have for the past few months) and my heart will be normal. Obviously I’m hoping for this outcome.

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Kyou Kara Maou OST 2 + D

The second Kyou Kara Maou OST was released on April 23. It includes two discs, with the OST on one and a drama on the other.

I haven’t listened to the drama yet, but I’ve played the hell out of the OST.

This soundtrack is wonderful, but there were some surprising omissions. The music that plays at the amusement park during the “apple tree” flashback is one obvious example. I don’t care so much about having that, but I’m surprised that it was left out. I was really looking forward to having the updated version of track 18, 降臨 (kourin, advent or descent), from the first OST. That’s Yuuri’s Maou-mode music…or at least, it’s the music that often plays when Yuuri enters Maou-mode. Tracks 4 and 5 from OST 2 actually claim to be Maou themes, but I will always associate track 4 with Shinou, as discussed below.

Here’s the rundown:

1. 出陣 (shutsujin, Departure for the Front)

2. 曲宴 (Banquet Music)

3. 畏敬~眞王のテーマ~ (ikei~shinou no teima, Reverence~Shinou’s Theme)

Note: This is not the “shin” that means new or ultimate. This is actually the kanji for a person named Shin.

4. 絶大~新・魔王のテーマ1~ (zetsudai~shin maou no teima 1, Immense~New Maou Theme 1)

Note: This “shin” is the one that means new.

5. 必殺~新・魔王のテーマ2~ (hissatsu~shin maou no teima 2, Certain Kill~New Maou Theme 2)

6. 春暖~新・ギュンターのテーマ~ (shundan~shin gyuntaa no teima, Spring Warmth~Gunter’s New Theme)

7. 探求~アニシナのテーマ~ (tankyou~anishina no teima, Quest~Anissina’s Theme)

8. 清風~ダンヒーリーのテーマ~ (seifuu~danhiirii no teima, Refreshing Breeze~Dunheely’s Theme)

This is my all-time favorite track. That’s kind of odd, since I don’t recall ever hearing it in the anime whatsoever.

9. 慈愛~ジュリアのテーマ1~ (jiai~jyuria no teima, Kindness~Julia’s Theme)
10. 悲哀~ジュリアのテーマ2~ (hiai~jyuria no teima 2, Sadness~Julia’s Theme 2)
11. 宿命~勝利のテーマ~ (shukumei~shouri no teima, Destiny~Shouri’s Theme)
12. ありがとう~(インストゥルメンタル1) (arigatou~insuturumentaru 1, Thank You~Instrumental 1)
13. 危機 (kiki, Crisis)
14. 火蓋 (hibuta, Gun Barrel Cover?)
15. 拮抗 (kikko, Rivalry)
16. 光明 (koumyou, Hope)
17. 進軍 (shingun, March)
18. 決戦 (kessen, Decisive Battle)
19. 約束 (yakusoku, Promise)
20. 想望 (soubou, Yearning)
21. 邂逅 (kaikou, Chance Meeting)
22. サブタイトル (sabutaitoru, Subtitle)
23. アイキャッチ (aikyacchi, Eyecatch)
24. 予告 (yokoku, Next Episode Preview)
25. ありがとう~(インストゥルメンタル2) (arigatou~insuturumentaru 2, Thank You~Instrumental 2)

In other news…

I thought it was impossible, but someone has figured out how to write maru-ma in text!

Really, I figured there should be a way–it’s common to put a circle (maru) around a character. But all the KKM websites had it as a graphic, so that led me to believe it was impossible. Glad to know it’s not; I can now write Kyou Kara Maou properly in Japanese.

Edit: Unfortunately I can’t do it here, since it seems the maru is in UTF-8 and I foolishly set this blog to Shift-JIS back in the day. Someday I want to change it to UTF-8…but when I do I will have to edit all posts that have Japanese text in them >_< Edit, almost a year later: My blog is now UTF-8, and the Japanese text seems to have transferred perfectly! Yay! Unfortunately the site that used to have the maru-ma on it now does not

The continuing KKM story

Kyou Kara Maou could have ended with season 2 and I would have been happy. It was a great ending. The purpose of Yuuri becoming the Maou had been fulfilled, and he gained the power to go back and forth between worlds, so you could imagine that his adventures continued, but there was enough resolution that you didn’t need to see it.

Then Kyou Kara Maou R was announced. I figured the producers wanted to tell a stand-alone story, and that was it. But after seeing the OVA, it’s obvious that it was made more as a preview for season 3. I’m not sure on the timing, so I don’t know if it was made to gauge interest, or to simply serve as an introduction. Episodes 1 and 5 tell a story by themselves, as I mentioned before, but it’s not a very robust story. It’s a teaser, to show us who Saralegui is without resolving anything.

By the time I saw the last episode of the OVA, the third season had been long announced, so I wasn’t bothered by the lack of resolution. So far the KKM producers have done everything right–they’ve only introduced elements they intended to resolve. I can’t wait to see what happens with Sara in season 3.

It’s looking like he’ll be in episode 85…and he’ll possibly dance with Yuuri? This is confusing, since they only met in the OVA, so I don’t know if the OVA is supposed to have happened by now, or if they just don’t realize they’ve met before when the OVA happens.

I don’t think the OVA has happened yet. Wolfram was so shocked to see Shinou at his temple that I imagine Yuuri hasn’t told anyone he’s there, but in the OVA everyone knows.

The pace of the OVA is so fast. It’s unclear why they were going to Caloria in the first episode. Everyone was together, so the two groups–Murata, Conrad, and Josak, and Yuuri and Wolfram–would have to have already come back together by then. Not only that, but Yuuri and Murata would have to have gone back to Earth; they return at the beginning of the OVA. I really don’t think the OVA can be sandwiched into the season 3 timeline anytime soon.

(Episodes 2-4 of R could be stuck in at any point, since they’re stand-alone episodes, but I assume they would go either right before or right after 1 and 2.)

I’ll be interested to see how this all plays out. I imagine it will be obvious where the OVA goes in the chronology once we get there…although I’m kind of wondering if the OVA, as a preview, was actually an alternate universe version of events that doesn’t fit into the timeline at all. That would kind of suck, though.

Episode 85 has already aired. Can’t wait to see it.

Yuuri and Wolfram’s wedding

Okay, not really.

Is this actually what Yuuri is imagining Wolfram is imagining? Because I would have assumed Wolfram’s vision would involve a wedding dress.

Okay, how about this?

I’ve lived with Apartment Arrangement Option 5 for two weeks now…and I’ve decided I hate it.

My goal was to create comfortable home bases for me and Sean while expanding seating areas for visitors. What ended up happening was Sean would sit on my couch to play video games or watch DVDs. If you remember, I moved his area to be against the wall. That ended up being fine for using his laptops, but not for just relaxing, so he’d lounge out on the big couch when he wanted to do that. I like sitting next to him, don’t get me wrong, but if he feels like stretching out, there’s no room for me.

Another problem is that the loveseat, along the wall next to him, became a dumping ground for stuff while serving zero purpose in terms of seating. It turns out it’s just awkwardly placed, with no decent views of anything.

Yesterday I came home to find Sean and his dad sitting on my couch, and that made me fully realize how inconvenient the layout is. The couch offers the best view of the TV, so obviously guests would want to sit there…meaning I probably get cut off from my laptop, which I don’t really like moving around.

It didn’t solve the problems after all; it just shifted them.

I’d been unhappy for days, but that galvanized my need to do something. So I went back to my Photoshop file and messed around some more. A lot more. Until eventually, finally, I came up with Apartment Arrangement Option 10, a revision of Option 5.

See how Sean and I will have our own departmentalized seating areas? But we can both move to the main couch, directly in front of the TV, and snuggle together if we want. It’s the best I could do, given our ridiculously narrow living room with its inconvenient doors and bizarro closet jutting into the room.

Sean’s agreed to try it, but he said “Not today”. ;> So we’ll see how this does, here in a couple of days. Wish us luck :>

New living room layout…maybe

Today I spent some time rearranging the second bedroom, which has multiple uses: guest room, office, and general storage facility. I want it to also serve the purpose of a workout room, so I was trying to clear a decent amount of space in front of the television. I was marginally successful; you can see pictures here. (Note that I do someday plan to put the Christmas decorations away…)

Doing that put me in the rearranging mood, and I decided to start thinking about how I want the living room to look. I found a floor plan of our apartment at the rental company’s website and, armed with my trusty tape measure and Photoshop, added in all our furniture. Here’s the current layout:

The big purple block is our couch, and the gray boxes in front of it are Sean’s area. (Light gray is the floor where he sits; dark gray is the kotatsu.) The red blocks are the loveseat and chair, and the long, darker red rectangle is the coffee table on loan from Brooke. The big black rectangle is the TV, the big black square is the dinner table, and the smaller black boxes are the bar table and its chairs, the media cabinets, and a file cabinet.

It’s actually a pretty decent layout, given the awkward utility closet jutting into the room and all the doors I have to work around. I really like the way it looks. However, it’s inconvenient in a couple of ways. First, Sean is facing the back wall and not the television. This wasn’t really a big deal before, but lately he’s taken to sitting in my seat (the loveseat) to play video games on the TV, only to have to move when I get home. Secondly, having Sean’s sitting area right in front of the largest couch means a lot of sitting area is wasted. No one who comes over wants to squeeze in and sit behind him, so the couch is limited to perhaps one seat, rather than three or possibly four. I am also somewhat unhappy with the placement of the bar table in the dining room; I kind of like it, but it annoys me that the stools aren’t next to it, and it isn’t serving its normal purpose.

So for about five hours I’ve been rearranging colored blocks, trying to discover a better arrangement. Here are the phases I went through:

Phase One: Too Awkward

This kind of works, but the loveseat is facing a chair that is at a 90 degree angle, which is bound to look ridiculous. Meanwhile, the chair is floating in the middle of the flow of traffic.

Phase Two: WAY Too Awkward

I thought maybe putting the TV on the opposite wall would help. It’s a neat idea, but ultimately results in a Family Circus-style path through the apartment. I kind of liked the thought of having an artificial hallway leading to the bedroom door, but it’s not really practical and possibly unsafe.

Phase Three: Ludicrous

Perhaps, I speculated, giving up on 90 degree angles would do the trick. This is the result. Ultimately the seating problem still exists and most of the seating has a very poor view.

Phase Four: An Accident Waiting to Happen

What if I used the TV as an artificial wall? Well, someone would knock into it, of course…especially given the small passageway between it and the loveseat. I liked the effect this closing-off had on the dining area, but that’s about it. There still wasn’t a very homey feel, and few decent views. Plus, Sean was probably too far away from the TV.

But then, finally, I came across this arrangement:

I’m not perfectly happy with it, but it feels like this is the best I’m going to be able to do. The TV stays where it currently is, to keep it in sight of most of the room. The loveseat rotates 90 degrees and moves to the corner; Sean slides up next to it, leaving enough room for him to walk around and for people to sit. The full couch becomes my seat, with the coffee table in front of it and plenty of room for others to sit, and then the chair rounds out the room, leaving an open area for the bar table. Sean’s file cabinet ends up next to the loveseat and becomes a much-needed end table.

What’s nice about this is that the flow of traffic isn’t changed; people can walk in a straight line from the front door to the back door, which is optimal with this floor plan. I don’t really like how the TV looks right now, but once we get a table for it I think it and the media cabinets will fill out the wall better.

Of course, I haven’t actually moved anything yet…I’m so exhausted from thinking about it that I think I’ll just relax for now ;)