The first of my old diary entries is up. This one is from when I was 15 (I would turn 16 in two months) and a sophomore in high school.
I had a little trouble with Blogger…first of all, I don’t like any of their new templates. I’ll have to design a new one myself (I’d rather not use the same one I use over here, though the new design might have echoes of this one). Second, I can’t set the post date back further than 1999. I was hoping to be able to set them to the exact dates that my diary entries were originally written. I’ve emailed Blogger support to request that feature…we’ll see.
In the meantime, I’ll have plenty to do getting this site compliant with all the new features (including the integrated comments) and designing a new template!
As far as the post itself goes…it’s fairly representative of my writing back then. I tended to ramble and obsess over potential and nonexistent love interests. My prose wasn’t very tight back then, but I’m not particularly embarrassed by it. Like everything else, my writing has evolved over the years.
The fact that MP was interested in me was something that fascinated me at the time. He was very good looking, and had a sort of tragic air about him that teenage girls flock to. His life wasn’t the best, and one time in a fit of angst he threw himself out in front of a car. As far as I know, he was uninjured.
Basically, he was the type of guy that a girl just wanted to mother.
After almost-but-not-quite having sex with J (I’m not actually sure what happened, since my memory of what was said is warped by my primitive understanding of sex at that time)*, P moved on to her friend…A I think was her name. He quickly got her pregnant, and they got married and moved to Florida. I developed the opinion that his goal the whole time had been to get someone, anyone, pregnant so he’d have a reason to move out of his mother’s house. But who knows, really? I think that opinion was at least partially affected by my feelings of resentment at having been so easily passed on.
You’ll see more of P in later entries.
Also featuring in this post is DF. You’ll see this name often in my high school posts. D was, essentially, my dream guy. As I told my discussion group at GSP (a memory I now cringe at), “I even love the warts on his hands.” *cringe!* (Emotions evolve too, but yeesh.)
Complicating this matter was the fact that J liked D too. I think it was just my lot in life back then to like the same guys as my friends. It ultimately didn’t matter, though, because he was completely uninterested in either of us.
He still doesn’t have an entry on the IMDb, nor is he listed on the Enterprise page on startrek.com. To be honest, I’ve actually never seen him on Enterprise (since I don’t watch it). An elaborate hoax by the Jessamine Journal?!
Maybe I should download that episode in which he supposedly features…it’s this one, as far as I can tell.
* Update 2005/03/12: I’m not in the habit of censoring things that have already been published. That goes against my personal ethics. I am not a revisionist; I want people reading this journal to see nothing but the truth of who I am and who I have been throughout my life. What I wrote in this post was what I knew and how I felt at the time, and so it will remain. But as the Internet is permanent, and people will see this post later and not otherwise know that my knowledge has changed, here is an addendum, for what it’s worth: J did not have sex with MP.