Category: Diary

Reboot

Lately I have had a hard time maintaining healthy habits. I’ve been crushed by a need to lose more weight now, and that has locked me into a cycle of disappointment and bad choices. I tried to stay positive, but each day my weigh-in has made me more and more depressed. This last week, to avoid that feeling, I decided to only weigh in on Mondays…but I ended up making very poor food choices this week, including lots of chocolate and grease. I haven’t weighed in and I’m not looking forward to it.

I’ve decided that the only way to get out of this self-destructive pattern is a hard reboot. I need to just start over. I need to throw out the weight loss of 2008 as if it never happened, and start from zero. I need to eliminate the pressure of past success and focus on being healthy.

To that end, I am downloading an iPhone application called “Dietician”. I can enter my current weight, my goal weight, and what type of diet I want, and this application will generate recipes, a meal schedule, and shopping lists for me. Rather than feeling bad that I never have the time or motivation to create my own meal plan system, I can simply follow this application’s advice and start shopping and cooking smarter. Here’s a review of the app where you can get more information.

I am also going to start thinking about how to vary my workout routine more. For the past two weeks I’ve been trying to ride my bike every morning, but on days when it was too cold or I had muscle strain I ended up not doing anything. My plan now is to start working with a personal trainer at the Y and get a varied, targeted workout schedule set up.

I can’t just keep doing the same things, and I can’t let myself continue to be discouraged. It’s time for proaction. It’s time to reboot.

The holidays are here

When Halloween comes around here in Augusta, it always seems too early. The weather has only barely cooled off, and the leaves haven’t really changed. A few weeks into November it finally, belatedly feels like Halloween, with crisp morning air, bright colorful leaves, fog rolling in across the river and Canal, and a few ghostly bare branches. But then it’s already time for Thanksgiving.

This year’s Thanksgiving was quite late in the month, making the transition a little easier. By the time it got here, I was ready for it.

Like last year, I decided to host. This time, I cooked everything. Cheryl is now living in Augusta again and was able to come, but she just had neck surgery and couldn’t move much. I told her to just come and not worry about anything else…not even to worry about being able to eat. I didn’t want her to feel guilty or obligated to do anything.

I worked out my menu well in advance. I studied Better Homes & Gardens’ turkey roasting guide for the bird. The side dishes all came from my 501 Delicious Heart Healthy Recipes cookbook. I made Green Beans with Caramelized Onions, which was said to be a good substitute for green bean casserole; Broccoli with Caraway Cheese Sauce; and Garlic Roasted Potatoes, a recipe I’ve used before. I also got my dessert from that book: Pear Almond Crumble, served with frozen yogurt and caramel sauce.

I started cooking at around 2 o’clock, getting all my ingredients out and arranging them by recipe and prepping and stuffing the turkey ad getting it into the oven. While I cooked I watched a couple Thanksgiving episodes of Friends, which was a great way to get into the mood. I also set up my laptop in the kitchen and did AIM video chat with Mom, so I could see everyone arriving in Kentucky and ask Mom for cooking tips. It was really neat, but it seemed to lock up the computer a lot, and I’m not really sure why.

As dinnertime neared, I realized I was running a little behind, but Cheryl and Reid ended up arriving an hour late, so it worked out. I held off on the cheese sauce and carving the turkey until they arrived; everything else was ready to go.

I’m pretty sure this was my first time roasting a turkey. Mom was really helpful with advice about the pan and setting the bird on onions since I didn’t have a rack. And I think it turned out great! I am pretty proud of myself.

I am also really happy with the side dishes. The green beans and broccoli were delicious, and the potatoes turned out fine too. The only thing I was unhappy with were the rolls; they didn’t rise properly. But they still tasted all right.

After dinner we relaxed in the living room for awhile, and I cleaned up a bit, until we were ready for dessert. I had put the pan in the oven right when we started dinner, but we ended up letting it stand for awhile while the food settled. Finally I spooned proper portions into bowls and added a scoop of vanilla frozen yogurt and a drizzle of caramel. It was delicious–and only 4 points!

By using heart healthy recipes and only eating a small breakfast and lunch, I was able to enjoy Thanksgiving within my points range. I am pretty proud of that accomplishment, too.

While we ate dessert, Reid and I played Wii Sports. He ended up getting really good at bowling! Unfortunately his shoulder started hurting, so we had to quit. At that point we went ahead and made Miis for Reid and Cheryl so they can both play when they come over. It’s near to see them in the games when I play now :)

Finally the evening was over. We all hugged and they headed home. I felt very happy with how the day had gone.

I was pretty worn out, and my lower back was sore, but I worked away at the kitchen little by little until everything was cleaned up and put away. It was such a good feeling to get up the next morning and walk into a spotless kitchen.

The day after Thanksgiving wasn’t traditional for me. Usually I spend that day eating leftovers and decorating for Christmas. This year, I relaxed, played the Wii, went out to lunch at Mi Rancho with Sean, stopped by Best Buy with Sean to get him a new mouse, went home and ordered some Ethernet cable, and finally got all dressed up and went to see the Nutcracker at the Imperial.

It was a really good performance, with gorgeous sets and costumes. I think this was my first time seeing ballet in Augusta. I was pretty impressed, especially by the special effects, though I feel the Lexington Ballet dancers are somewhat more precise in their movements. There were a few really talented dancers, though, especially towards the end.

A day later, I’ve still got the music in my head :)

Even though I had intended the Nutcracker performance to get me in the mood for Christmas, I’m still not quite there yet. Part of the reason is that I’m going to a Thanksgiving lunch with people from work tomorrow. Once that’s over with, I’ll be free to transition into the next holiday. Projects will be decorating my apartment and my office at work.

I originally wasn’t planning to to home to Kentucky for Christmas since I don’t have much time off, but I’ve been thinking about it and I would really be sad if I didn’t get to see my family. So what I think I’ll do is drive up after work in Christmas Eve, and drive back Sunday afternoon. I had thought about flying, but there is no direct flight from Augusta to Lexington, and hardly any direct flights from and to other airports. It’s just not worth the hassle. Plus, if I drive, I can easily bring all the presents :) This year, Sean will stay home, as he has plans to do some gaming the day after Christmas.

With that decision, I’m feeling more and more ready for my favorite holiday.

I’m also going to have a Christmas party. This year, I’ve been trying to observe all the end-of-year holidays more. I dressed up for Halloween, I roasted a Thanksgiving turkey for the first time, and now I’m going to host a Christmas cookie and gingerbread house decorating party. I’m going to invite dozens of people and let them bring their kids, and I’m going to set up decorating stations all over the apartment. It’s going to be a blast!

I’m glad I’m taking the time to really enjoy the holidays. It’s a lot of fun :)

Thoughtdump

Twitter is performing database maintenance. How am I supposed to regale you with snippets of useless information about my day?

Oh, that’s right, I have a blog.

I’m in that discontented mood that I seem to get a lot. Usually I need to make some sort of proactive life change, or at least come up with some plans to do so, in order to shake the mood. Unfortunately, one change I had wanted to make has been vetoed–I had hoped to set up a treadmill at my work station, but the higher-ups don’t like the idea. I don’t know if they thought I wanted to jog, and get all sweaty, or what. All I really wanted was to stay moving, at 1 mph or less, rather than sitting all day. I’m considering asking if I can just raise my desk so that I stand all day instead. We’ll see.

I’ve been thinking a lot about my poor blog, and how I keep neglecting it. I think I want to give myself writing assignments and stick to a posting schedule, at least for awhile. I also want to get better about reading more.

A big problem is that I don’t want to spend a lot of time sitting around–which of course is why I wanted a treadmill at work. So I am thinking about ways I can incorporate exercise into the typically stationary activities I do at home.

Sean’s been wanting to move our computers into the second bedroom (which is what I wanted from the beginning, but whatever ;>), so I’m thinking about what I could do in there. Maybe a treadmill desk; maybe a desk that can be used with my bike on its stand; maybe something that can do both.

These days, when I get home I don’t feel like doing anything productive. I’ll get online and read a few things or watch TV until bedtime. I think having a regular desk instead of using the coffee table would help. You have to kind of settle in to really work on a computer, and leaning over from the couch or sitting on the floor kind of precludes that. So hopefully the move to the second bedroom will help too.

A friend mentioned yesterday that someone he knows has lost weight by making small changes, like not sitting down when he watches TV. I have used the Free Step on the Wii Fit while watching TV before, so I think I’ll try to keep doing that. (Unfortunately it maxes out at 30 minutes, at which point I have to change input back to the Wii and turn it off or start it over.)

I’m hoping I can get to the point where some sort of activity is built into everything I do…and I’m hoping that that will give me the energy to do even more things. I’m always talking about being tired of being in a rut, but I never seem to actually try to get out of it. Part of it is a lack of motivation, part of it is not having the right tools, and part of it is just not being sure of what I want to do. I can at least solve that last problem by thinking about it, by going ahead and trying different things and seeing what sticks.

Another thing I really want to do is find and stick to a good calendar/project organization system. I want to be able to track what I’m doing and what I need to do, to pat myself on the back and keep myself on track. I want to accomplish things that take longer than a day.

Here’s hoping I can figure something out about all this.

I’m back, baby

I went to Riverwalk for a walk during my break today, as I’ve been trying to get in the habit of doing. I’ve been going there intermittently just to look around, but since I got serious with my exercise habits I’ve been trying to do more. Today, for the first time, I tried jogging. Also for the first time, I went around twice.

My first lap, I jogged as much as I could, striding briskly in between. I used my iPhone’s stopwatch to see how I did: 19:26.9.

For the second lap, I was quite winded, so I resolved to walk it and see how long that took. While striding along, I held my arms straight out, then straight up; then I did curls up and out to the side; then I did some punches. I was trying to simultaneously stay focused and give my arms a workout. It worked! The stopwatch says my walking time was 22:16.8.

Obviously I have a long way to go to improve my jogging. I’ve never been much of a runner. I always got a stitch in my side, even when I was at my best physical condition–back during the kung fu years. Today that didn’t happen, but I did get pretty winded after what I consider brief periods of jogging.

But the point is I tried, and now I have a time I can work on beating.

I headed back to work feeling almost giddy. Working out hard like that is such a good feeling. I need to always hold on to that fact so I will keep doing it.

As I hung my sweat-soaked clothes on the back of the door to dry, I remembered: I used to do this. I used to get all sweaty at lunch and hang up my clothes afterwards. Back when I first started working here, I was in total explore-mode and would walk all around the area. After awhile I got out of the habit, and then I always felt that it would be so inconvenient to bring workout clothes every day, and get sweaty and then have to keep working with no time for a shower.

I don’t feel that way anymore. I’ve been bringing workout clothes every day for weeks now, whether I actually use them or not. It’s become a habit. And today’s rush of good feeling proved to me that being sweaty is hardly worth worrying about.

I think I’ve finally purged some pretty self-destructive habits, and built some constructive ones. :)

Lifestyle changes

My attitude towards health and weight loss changed drastically after I was encouraged to get an ICD. Part of it was that I hadn’t yet found the right tools, but I also don’t think I had been taking my health nearly as seriously as I should.

It’s been over a month since I committed myself to a healthier lifestyle. I joined Weight Watchers, I bought exercise videos that I actually enjoy doing, and I started forming better habits.

Here, in list format, are some of my achievements.

Good Things I’ve Been Doing

  • Following a morning routine.
  • Working out each and every day.
  • Not splurging on food, but not denying myself what I want, either.
  • Eating out less.
  • Packing lunches more.
  • Weighing myself every day.
  • Going to bed at the same time every night.

Things I Refuse to Allow Myself to Do

  • Give up on my quest for better health.
  • Lose the ability to squat.
  • Eat whatever I want, whenever I want.
  • Not work out because I don’t “feel like it”.
  • Have to size up my wedding ring.
  • Lose flexibility.
  • Be down on myself.
  • Focus more on the past than on my current achievements.

I have a long way to go, but I am going to get there. I am not going to shoot myself in the foot. I am going to stay focused on my goals and I am going to do everything I can to reach them.

My most immediate goal is to avoid the ICD. I’m hoping by the end of August my heart will have recovered enough that my doctor won’t think it’s necessary anymore. This may not be possible. If I have to have an ICD, I have to have an ICD. But I’m going to do whatever I can do to avoid it before I have to make that decision.

My long-term goal is, of course, to get down to a healthy weight. I’m not ruling out any options. Obesity runs in my family, and it may very well be that I can’t beat this without surgical assistance. But I am not going to have my intestines rerouted without doing everything I can do first.

This month has been a great start. It’s going to get harder from here, and down the road. But I refuse to give up.

It’s not “I’m not giving up this time”. There hasn’t actually been a time when I have been this motivated. In the past when I’ve tried to lose weight I’ve always lacked a true commitment, always let either my eating habits or my exercise–or both!–slide. So this is really the first time I’ve ever made a concerted effort to be healthy.

It’s going to be the last time, too, because I’m going to stay this way for the rest of my life.

Things can change, if you work for it

Last year, before I was diagnosed with congestive heart failure, I got exhausted walking just a few feet. When I went to Augusta’s Riverwalk to enjoy the scenery and take pictures, I had to stop and sit down every couple of minutes. The idea of walking all the way from one end to the other and back seemed ludicrous. I didn’t know when I’d gotten so out of shape, but it felt like no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t build up any strength.

It’s been six months since I was diagnosed. Heart medicine has helped my heart rebuild itself–not completely, but about halfway. I’ve found myself feeling better and better. Other than some weird symptoms in my left eye–an intermittent, enveloping blurriness, a higher level of irritability, and lately a weird flashing in the periphery–I feel good. I feel normal. I’ve been able to walk farther and farther, and do aerobics, and ride my bike again.

I knew I was doing well when I walked the North Augusta Greeneway with Brooke and felt like I could keep going forever. But it didn’t really hit me how much I’ve improved until I went to Riverwalk on Thursday. Without feeling tired in the least, I walked the full length and then walked back…and the only reason I ever sat down was because I’d foolishly chosen to wear sandals instead of sneakers.

I can’t describe how that difference makes me feel. I’m an extremely independent-minded person, and stubborn to boot, and not being able to walk even short distances had a huge effect on my personal happiness. I hated it. I hated life, and I hated myself, and I felt helpless to change it.

That diagnosis was the best thing that could have happened to me.

A lot of people are scared to go to the doctor because they’re afraid of what they might find out. They’d rather keep going along, blissfully ignorant.

If that’s you…take it from me. Please don’t. Please go to the doctor.

You may get a scary diagnosis, sure. But you may also find out that there’s treatment, and that you can live a normal life again. You can be strong again. You can do the things you want to do again.

When you do go to the doctor, don’t let them make a snap diagnosis. Bring notes. Tell them all your symptoms. Tell them how your quality of life has changed. My doctor wouldn’t have even thought of heart failure if it hadn’t been for my mom reminding him that I used to bike for hours.

And once you have that diagnosis, don’t run away from it. Do everything your doctor says. Don’t stop taking your meds when you start to feel better. Don’t skip appointments with your doctor, or stop going entirely. Keep a journal of how you’re feeling, and make note of any new symptoms, and let your doctor know. It’s a hassle, and it might make you feel resentful…but that’s still better than losing your ability to function, and dying too soon.

Make a commitment to enjoy life. You have things you want to do, don’t you? Do them. And do what your doctor says so that you’re able to do the things you want to do. Take charge of your health, and take care of yourself. You’ll feel better.

I certainly do.

My previous post title is apropos

It turns out it wasn’t a black and white issue. I thought it would be one of two possible outcomes; it never occurred to me that there’d be one in the middle.

My heart has recovered…some. My ejection fraction is now 35. An average person’s EF is over 55. My doctor says this is good news, but she still recommends the implanted cardioverter-defibrillator. However, the decision is up to me.

Dr. G explained to me that when they implant the ICD, they purposefully put you into V-fib to see if it works. If not, they shock you the old-fashioned way to keep you from dying, and then change the settings.

That kind of bothered me. If I haven’t gone into V-fib ever, it seems to me like putting me into it intentionally only increases the chances that it will happen again.

When I got home I read about the procedure to implant the ICD and what recovery is like. Obviously it involves surgery. The surgeon creates a “pocket” under the collarbone, like they do for a pacemaker, and a lead (or three) goes down a vein to the heart. You’re not put all the way under, but there is a sedative.

As with any surgery, I imagine there’s a chance of death during the procedure.

If I do this, I will have a device stuck in my body that will be noticeable through the skin. Plus I’ll have a scar. Plus, they pretty much never remove these things, even if you get better.

If I don’t do this, and I ever do go into V-fib, or my heart is otherwise irregular, I won’t have anything to save me from sudden cardiac death.

The issue, to my way of thinking, is whether or not I am in grave danger of my heartbeat becoming irregular or stopping. This may just be the heart meds talking, or my complete lack of desire to undergo surgery again…but I don’t feel like I am. I think my heart has improved a great deal in the almost six months since I was diagnosed, and I believe it will continue to improve. I think that if I had worked harder to improve my diet and exercise, it would be better than it is…and I think if I work on those areas now, I can help it improve even more.

At this point, I feel like waiting and seeing what happens.

I have an appointment next month with the doctor who does the procedure, then a follow-up with Dr. G in July. By then it will have been eight months since my diagnosis.

Some heart patients apparently wait nine months to see if their heart has recovered, so why not wait that extra month and then have another echo before I undergo life-altering surgery?

That’s basically where I am right now. Obviously, I’m going to talk with more people and learn as much as I can, to try and make the most informed choice.

Okay, how about this?

I’ve lived with Apartment Arrangement Option 5 for two weeks now…and I’ve decided I hate it.

My goal was to create comfortable home bases for me and Sean while expanding seating areas for visitors. What ended up happening was Sean would sit on my couch to play video games or watch DVDs. If you remember, I moved his area to be against the wall. That ended up being fine for using his laptops, but not for just relaxing, so he’d lounge out on the big couch when he wanted to do that. I like sitting next to him, don’t get me wrong, but if he feels like stretching out, there’s no room for me.

Another problem is that the loveseat, along the wall next to him, became a dumping ground for stuff while serving zero purpose in terms of seating. It turns out it’s just awkwardly placed, with no decent views of anything.

Yesterday I came home to find Sean and his dad sitting on my couch, and that made me fully realize how inconvenient the layout is. The couch offers the best view of the TV, so obviously guests would want to sit there…meaning I probably get cut off from my laptop, which I don’t really like moving around.

It didn’t solve the problems after all; it just shifted them.

I’d been unhappy for days, but that galvanized my need to do something. So I went back to my Photoshop file and messed around some more. A lot more. Until eventually, finally, I came up with Apartment Arrangement Option 10, a revision of Option 5.

See how Sean and I will have our own departmentalized seating areas? But we can both move to the main couch, directly in front of the TV, and snuggle together if we want. It’s the best I could do, given our ridiculously narrow living room with its inconvenient doors and bizarro closet jutting into the room.

Sean’s agreed to try it, but he said “Not today”. ;> So we’ll see how this does, here in a couple of days. Wish us luck :>

A nice community

I really like where we live. It’s very convenient to all the west Augusta amenities, but because it’s back away from main roads, it feels secluded and private, and people here are typically friendly. I’m not sure I know of any other community like this in the area. There are nice, quiet places on the outskirts, of course, but none so convenient to everything that I can think of.

At one time I was convinced that I wanted to move, but I’ve made the apartment more homey since then and I really can’t think of anywhere else I would want to live at the moment. Even North Augusta, where I have wanted to live for some time, can’t really offer me the privacy and convenience that this place can.

That said, I do wish our community had sidewalks…and bike trails would be awesome. I would also like it if there was a grocery store within walking or biking distance. Technically Kroger is not all that far, but I’m not sure I would feel safe biking on skinny Flowing Wells Road.

I have an idea for an ideal community that someday, when I have money to invest, I’d like to develop.

Final office layout

Here it is: the second best possible configuration for my office. (I can’t do the first best configuration because the cables and internet jacks are all on the wrong side of the room.)


The floor plan.


View from the door leading to the north side of the building. Speaking of wires…I’m thinking of covering them with a curtain.


My workspace.


View from the door leading to the south side of the building.


View from that same door, looking straight over my desk.


View from the north side door again.

So far I really like the new layout. People have plenty of room to walk, and I don’t have people coming up behind me all the time. I think this’ll work!

Previously: Office Evolution

Even More Previously: Transition and What can I say, I like moving furniture.

Edit: Added floor plan and captions.

Office evolution

This is what my office looked like originally.

At first I shared the office with a full-time graphic designer. Nowadays I have the office to myself, except when various people come in and use the graphics computer.

When that change first happened, I rearranged the desks like this:

This was okay for many months. I really liked having the extra work space that the second L-shaped desk gave me. However, the room was really cluttered, and I felt I could do more with the space if that second desk was taken out. I ended up trading it for my boss’ old desk, and I put the graphics computer on her desk rather than the flimsy white table it had been sitting on. Everyone was pleased to be using a real desk at last, and I was happy that the room was more open. You can see that layout in this movie I took at Christmas time, and in these two pictures:

However, the loss of the arm of that second L-shaped desk eliminated what I considered to be useful privacy. Now I had people coming up standing behind me all the time, which was the last thing I wanted to encourage. It’s just not feng shui.

So I spent a few months pondering what sort of furniture arrangement would make it so that people wouldn’t stand behind me, and also allow better traffic flow through the office, since it’s essentially a hallway these days. Finally I drew up a floorplan of the room using the ceiling tiles as measurements, and that enabled me to move things around without actually moving them…so I tried lots of different arrangements that I hadn’t considered before.

That led me to this work-in-progress:

It may not look like much in the pictures, but I got it rearranged a bit more after I took them, and I think it’s going to be pretty sweet when I’m all finished (and I’ve had a chance to dust, yeesh). Only time will tell if it’ll keep people from coming up behind me, but the idea is that the arm of the desk pointing towards the door will create the feeling of a hallway, so that people won’t turn left and come into my desk area.

What’s great about this layout is that there is a much wider path to walk through the office. I’m thinking it will work out pretty well.

I’ll put up final photos once I’m done.

Edit: I just realized you can’t really make out the door I’m talking about in any of the new pics. It’s to the left of the CD shelf. You actually do see it in the second new picture, but it’s hard to tell that it’s a door :>

(That gray strip alongside it is not the door frame; it’s a shadow due to the fact that the wall juts out behind the door, causing the door to only open about 90 degrees. The reason for this is there is a water fountain on the other side of the wall. And Now You Know.)

Daily routine

Here’s a list of things I would like to get done during the course of a day.

Morning, ideally:

-do a full stretching routine
-go for a walk or work out in some other way
-shower and put on makeup
-eat breakfast
-pack lunches
-do freelance work for an hour and a half (two or three days a week)
-work on writing/AMRN stuff
-plan, prepare, and shop for dinner
-mess around online or watch videos for 15-30 mins (I always tend to do this in the morning, so why not plan for it?)

Lunchtime:

-eat lunch while working
-go on a walk or work out at the Y during actual lunch hour

Evening:

-cook and eat dinner
-ride the bike (on its stand)
-relax

I am going to go ahead and post this, but it’s incomplete. I need to figure out how long each morning thing would take me and how early I would have to get up to accomplish it all. I think the writing and freelance work would have to be on alternate days, but even then would it be practical? Because I have to start working out in the morning regularly; there is just no way I can’t.

Also, I obviously can’t try to start doing everything at once after I’ve nailed down a routine. I’ll have to come up with a good plan and then start adding each item one at a time every week or two. I’m already set to start freelance this Friday, so I guess that’ll be the first thing.

Adjustments

I finally got my CPAP on Thursday. I’d been feeling bad all week and it was the worst that day; I felt dull and tired and dizzy. I was eager to get going with the CPAP so I could start feeling better again, like everyone said would happen. So that night I set it up on my nightstand and used it for the first time.

It was not a very successful first night. Every time I finally started to drop off into sleep, my mouth filled with air…so I woke up immediately. It got very frustrating, and after about 45 minutes of that I gave up on the CPAP, turned it off and took off the mask.

The next day at work, though, I felt great. I had energy like you wouldn’t believe and I was dancing around and singing to people. I don’t know if it was psychosomatic or if 45 minutes of getting lots of air while resting really made that much of a difference. (Another factor is that my doctor had me go back down on some of my heart medicine to get rid of the dizziness. That might be the main reason I felt so much better.)

I was told it could take six weeks to fully adjust to using a CPAP, so I wasn’t discouraged by the first night’s failure. In fact, the consultant at the place where I got the CPAP said I might have to start out only doing half an hour a day. I went to bed last night determined to leave it on as long as I possibly could, and to try to stop the air from filling my mouth…somehow.

I was somewhat successful in dealing with the air going into my mouth. I could kind of tell when it was going to happen, so I would just inhale a lot and then breathe it all out. I was awake when this happened, but not fully awake, which was an improvement.

This time, the problem was dryness. My CPAP came with a humidifier that is supposed to keep my nose and throat from drying out due to all the air blowing into it. I had it set to the average level, 2, but after awhile I woke up feeling awful because my mouth and throat were so dry. I kicked it up to 4 and tried once again to sleep, but the dryness never went away. I think I must have been opening my mouth while I was asleep, so that’s something else I’m going to have to put my subconscious to work on.

Listen, subconscious: no letting air fill the mouth, and no opening the mouth. Behave!

My mouth was so uncomfortable that I had to stop the CPAP for that night, stick a cough drop in my mouth, and go to sleep normally. But I was pleased to find that I’d managed to wear it for two hours this time.

One thing I’m kind of concerned about is the redness on my face when I take the mask off, and the irritation I feel on my skin. I don’t know if I’m allergic to the mask or if that’s just what happens when there’s a vacuum seal on your face. I’m hoping it’s the latter. The redness goes away after hours of not wearing the mask. Hopefully things will continue this way as long as I keep the mask cleaned daily like I’m supposed to.

The CPAP requires a lot of maintenance. I have to refill the distilled water in the humidifier daily, and wash it out weekly. I have to wash and air-dry the mask daily, and the straps that hold it to my head weekly. And there’s an air filter on the CPAP that has to be changed out every month or so–I have two of them so I can switch them out and then wash the dirty one. More little things to add to my routine, I suppose. It’s hard for me to do things on a monthly basis, but hey, if I can remember to pay the rent, I guess I can also remember to change an air filter.

I don’t remember the CPAP irritating my skin, or my mouth filling with air or drying out during my sleep study. I don’t know if I’m doing something wrong or if it’s just that I’m more relaxed at home, so I do things I wouldn’t have done at the study, like relax my throat or let my mouth fall open. Regardless, the last two nights have been very irritating, and while dealing with the various issues I’ve thought that I don’t want to have this hassle in my life. But it’s important, and like any other irritation it has a time limit, and I don’t have to worry about it the rest of the time…so I’m going to suck it up and deal with it.

I’m pretty sure the only reason I have sleep apnea is because I’m overweight, so if I can solve that problem I may not have to do this anymore. Yet another very good reason to be healthy.

Sleep study #2

After my first sleep study back in October, it was determined that I have moderate sleep apnea. I was seen by a sleep specialist and the ear nose and throat doctor again, and then I was sent back to the sleep study place to be fitted for a CPAP (Continuous Positive Airway Pressure) machine. With sleep apnea, you stop breathing while sleeping because your airway collapses. A CPAP forces air into your nose, helping you to breathe properly.

Coincidentally, I ended up with the same sleep study technician as last time, Chris, and had my study in the same room.

I had to wait for some time as Chris set up the patient next door, a small baby. Fortunately, this time I’d brought my laptop and box set of Initial D, so I got ready for bed and then watched several episodes. There was a hospital wireless network available, but it was unsecured so I decided not to get online.

Finally Chris arrived to wire me up. This time I was able to get a picture before he put the hair net on:

Chris was just as talkative as last time, but I was pretty tired, so I wasn’t as involved in the conversation as I might have been.

In the middle of getting me set up, Chris had to leave the room to get a humidifier for the CPAP, and while I waited for him to get back I drew a picture of Batman on the markerboard door of the closet.

Finally it was time to sleep. I got into place and Chris helped me put on the face mask. It only covers the nose. There’s a bunch of soft padding on it so it’s comfortable, and there’s a piece of plastic that connects to a padded bar that goes on your forehead, to add stability. That whole unit is then strapped to your head with adjustable fabric belts, which you can slip off of hooks if you need to remove the mask quickly.

It was weird after it was on and Chris first started the flow of air. My first instinct was to rip the mask off, as if I was being suffocated. But I forced myself to breathe the air that was blowing into the mask.

Then Chris asked me a question, and let me tell you, it is very weird to try to talk only to hear a weird raspy sound and feel a torrent of air blowing out of your mouth.

“Did I ask you the question because I wanted to know the answer, or because I wanted to hear you do that?” Chris asked. Hmm, let’s all think about that! ;>

We got the mask settled in on my face and I got comfy for the night.

I have a love-hate relationship with this photo (which Chris kindly took for me). Obviously, I wouldn’t send this out with my Christmas cards. I mean, it’s just not flattering. But at the same time, it’s so perfectly representative of what it’s like to be wired up for a sleep study.

It doesn’t look comfortable, does it? But remarkably, my biggest complaint about the situation would have to be that the pillow didn’t provide proper neck support. I’m spoiled by Tempur-Pedic. And that’s it!

The mask didn’t really bother me while I was asleep. When I first started trying to go to sleep I wondered if I would wake up, forget about the mask, discover it, and freak out. But that didn’t happen. I vaguely recall the mask moving off my nose slightly, and moving it back myself, and I also vaguely pulling the mask off as best I could, only to have Chris come fix it, but I wasn’t particularly distressed by any of these events.

I slept very soundly, and I was very unhappy when Chris woke me around 7.

The exit questions were the same, but my answers were really different. Can you remember any dreams? No, not at all. How long were you asleep? I have no idea. What time is it right now? No clue. What time did you go to sleep? Um. It’s kind of scary that my answers were so precise before, and this time…nothing. Does this mean that I was so asleep that my internal body clock took the night off? And am I not going to have dreams anymore? Because I’ll miss those :>

It took awhile for me to feel like I was awake after that. Chris told me that around the middle part of the day I’d realize that I felt refreshed, but I wasn’t sure about that. I did, thankfully, wake up enough that I felt comfortable driving home.

When I got here I had planned on going straight to bed, but it turned out that we forgot to pay the rent, so I relaxed a little with the intention of going and doing that, and I ended up watching more Initial D and running that errand and just staying awake.

Until, abruptly, I fell asleep on the couch.

The nap was somewhat restful, but not ideal. I kept waking up and hearing the DVD menu music and thinking that I should turn it off, and then falling back asleep. But afterwards I at least felt like I could make it through the rest of the day.

I think what happened is that I actually did get some restful sleep, and when it stopped prematurely my body was very unhappy about it.

I originally thought wearing a face mask was going to be a colossal pain, but now I’m excited to see what will happen when I have my own CPAP. It’ll be cool to see if I actually do feel more rested in the daytime, and have more energy to do things. I would love to start being active again.

I’m not actually sure when all this will happen, though. I think I’m going to get the prescription in three weeks when I go back to the ENT.

Move faster, time!