Category: general

Rock on!

Surely Batman is entitled to a little birthday cake every now and then.

I wonder what Martha Brockenbrough would say to this.

Dr. Nemko makes some good points. So, basically, I should specialize in a non-competitive career to make the big bucks. Or start my own business, modeled off someone else’s highly successful business in a different market.

Well, that’s easy! :>

In other news, the guy who plays Aidan Wulfer on GP4 says that “Heather Meadows” sounds “serene, yet at the same time sophisticated”. So I guess it won’t be so bad to have a few buildings, a park, and a golf course named after me.

You know, when I’m the rich person in town who owns everything. Like R.J. Corman.

She is totally awesome!

The appointment was fine, although I waited 2 hours before being seen, and even then it was a med student doing the interview. (The doctor was great, though, once I finally got to talk with her.)

Assuming I am interpreting this doctorscrawl correctly, here are the next steps:

1. Records
   
   • chemotherapy doses and kinds
   • BMT info
   • submit permission forms for release of information
2. Bloodwork
   
   • release information from previous two GYNs
   • return to office for new bloodwork
3. Bone Density
   
   • schedule bone density exam
   • take 1200 to 1500 grams of calcium PER DAY
   • exercise

Okay, I can’t read the next two things :P But then there’s the part about the options that will then emerge: hormone treatment to get me to conceive naturally, using an egg donor, or adoption.

So basically, she wants more information before she knows what to recommend. She did a pelvic exam, and she said that it looked very good for natural conception. She also said that the facts that 1) I did not have radiation, and 2) I had that period or sloughing off or whatever in May, were good signs. But she wants to know how my ovaries rated in that blood test; I didn’t remember the number. If the number is too high, then the chances are very small. She also needs to know the type of chemo I had, and in what doses, because that will help her to figure out what the damage is and how best to combat it.

Pretty interesting stuff…I’ll work to get all the info she needs tomorrow.

at 10:30. I’m nervous. I don’t know what to expect. I’m also lacking confidence in my ability to comprehend and process whatever information I receive.

Sean unfortunately can’t come with me, as he wasn’t able to get off work.

Money’s kind of tight now that my hours have been more than halved. We can pay our bills, but that’s about it. We’ve lived fairly comfortably up until now, and it seemed like we were close to our plans of buying new office chairs and a new bed. Now it feels like we suddenly don’t have any money for that at all. We may not go to AWA this year again after all. Not sure yet.

We could save money if I didn’t buy my new bike, but I don’t want to go that route. I want to be able to ride whenever I feel like it. I enjoy it and it’s good exercise. I’ve been so impatient to get my bike that to put it off now would be really frustrating.

Yesterday I was pretty emotional, both over the job situation and over sitting at a table at Kurama with a mother and her four boys. They were well-behaved, nice children, and she was a fantastic mom. It made me so jealous. I almost started crying at the table.

My mood effectively dampened Sean’s mood, so Adam was sitting there all uncomfortable, trying to cheer us up with thoughts of dessert. Sorry, Adam.

At least we got to watch more Prince of Tennis. That’ll lighten anyone’s mood.

Well, wish me luck at my appointment. I’m sort of hoping I’ll be prescribed some kind of hormone that will balance my moods…

Adopting kids, taking in foreign exchange students, and sponsoring children in third world countries.

But you kind of need money to do all that.

I read this article by Martha Brockenbrough last night. I’ve read it before, mainly going along and nodding and not really paying attention to the insights, but this time I stopped to seriously consider the questions.

1. Do you like your job?
   
   I liked it when I was full-time and doing design, fulfillment, and other things that were either creative in nature or repetitive but not boring (yet) in nature. I didn’t like it when I had to start doing CSR/Dispatch. Now that I’m not doing CSR/Dispatch, I’m unhappy because I only get 15 hours a week. I can’t say that going full-time doing the stuff I was doing before would be awesome, but it would be better. I don’t know if I’m doing stuff that I would want to do for the rest of my life or not.
2. Do you have big plans for your retirement?
   
   Yes, although the thought of waiting that long drives me nuts. I want to travel now, see new things, taste new foods, meet new people, learn about different cultures. I want to go back to–maybe even live in–Japan. I feel like if I wait much longer on these plans, they’ll never come to fruition, even when I’m “retired”.
3. Do you fantasize about winning the lottery so you can quit your job and live the life of your dreams?
   
   Hell yes.

Martha Brockenbrough sez:

If you answered yes to any of these questions–let alone all of them–there’s a good chance you are wasting your life in the wrong job.

On the third page of her article, she goes on to discuss finding your dream…discovering whether or not you’re passionate about something, or you are just rising to the challenge and enjoying a temporary emotional high. That idea really struck home to me…that I could have been enjoying my job at the beginning because it was challenging and because I knew I could do it, not because I actually liked it.

1. What have I done in my life that meant the most to me?
   
   Married Sean. Played with and helped take care of Connor and Logan. Spent time with my family. Traveled to Japan. I can’t think of anything I’ve ever done that was job-related that meant a whole lot to me. I’m very glad that I got my BAs in English and Linguistics, too, but that happiness has been diminished by the impression that they are worthless. The only other thing I can think of that I’ve done and that gives me pride and pleasure is taking pictures.
2. When have I felt the most natural, at ease, and confident?
   
   When I’m the boss. Seriously. I don’t like depending on someone else to determine outcomes. I may have an overinflated opinion of my own talents, but I often feel that I know better than the person in charge. That’s why I became Administrator of the AMRN, and that’s why I don’t stay long in jobs where I feel like a cog. My current job is different; I am at least important there. That’s one reason that I’ve felt I should hang onto it…my opinions matter.
3. What would I do every day if I could?
   
   When I saw this question last night, I balked for a moment, and as I sat there wondering what exactly I would want to do every day, the thought fluttered into my consciousness: “Run around taking pictures.”

This was utterly shocking. I’ve had people tell me that I should pursue a career in photography before, but I’ve never taken them seriously. For one thing, I have no idea what I’m doing. (This is a lame excuse, because I could always learn.) For another, I always assumed that they just liked my stuff because it looks marginally better than pointing and shooting, not because I actually had any real talent at it. (This is actually my false modesty; deep down, I believe I am good at photography, but I pretend that I don’t so that I don’t have to test myself and discover that I’m wrong.)

Now that I’m thinking about it, though, it sounds so great. I could run all over the world taking pictures and gaining life experience. I’d enjoy the different cultures, myriad foods, and meeting new people, and I’d capture it all with my camera. I might even, after many years, find that I have something to write about.

Because writing isn’t something I want to do right now. If I wanted to write–or if I had to write, even while hating it, as many writers do–then I would be doing it. I feel obligated by my talent, but I don’t want or need to write.

You have no idea how amazingly free I suddenly feel after writing that paragraph. It’s like I’m suddenly able to make choices again.

So…it would appear that I want to travel and take photos.

Now to figure out how I can do it!

“We’re going to do it insanely inexpensively. The budget will be somewhere between 250 grand and $5 million.”

Yeah, movies are pretty expensive. I’d like to do something that cost between $250K and $5 million…

On my way in to work this morning, WBBQ played “Danger Zone” and then “You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling” right in a row.

Makes me want to watch the movie…

And pain, and sadness, and hunger, and abuse.

They all make me so upset.

When directly confronted with any of them, I start to wonder what the point is of life at all. Eventually everyone is going to die. Everything is going to pass away. All the wonderful, beautiful things you remember…will anyone else remember them? Even memory passes away.

My uncle Lee, the husband of Mom’s sister Carol, died on June 1. He was only 51 years old. He had a stroke or something, randomly, out in the yard prepping his truck for a trip. Uncle Lee drove tractor trailers, and every time I’m on the road and I see one I think of him. Now every time I see one I think of how he died there back behind his truck, no reason, just fell over dead.

Today my mom told me that my dog has a lump in her mouth that may be cancerous.

My mom told Connor once that dogs don’t live for a long time, and that someday they won’t be around anymore. Connor said, “But people live forever!”

Someday someone close to him is going to die.

We’re all going to die, someday. But the fact that it happens to all of us is hardly comforting, especially if you don’t believe in an afterlife.

If this is all we’ve got, why is it like this?

The answer, of course, is that there is no reason for any of it.

I know why people want to believe in heaven. I wish I believed in it. I wish death wasn’t the end. I wish we all went on, and we could all be with each other again.

Evil, Krispy Kreme. Just evil.

A Malaysian woman who’s trying to reclaim a world record by living in a locked glass box with more than 6,000 scorpions has been stung once, is suffering a fever and scarcely sleeps because the creatures keep crawling over her.

What I find the most interesting in this article is the following quote:

“Nighttime is the worst,” she said. “I can only sleep two or three hours, since scorpions get so active at night. But I want to show that Malaysians are capable of world-class efforts.”

Okay, first of all…sleep during the day. Secondly…yeah, I’m sure Malaysia’s PR will shoot through the roof after this.

I mean, really. “Capable of world-class efforts”? She decided she wanted to make a mark on the world, and this is the path she chose? I don’t consider this a world-class effort. It’s world-class stupidity. If she wanted to make a real effort, she could have become a doctor or scientist or engineer and actually helped the world.

I don’t want to belittle what she’s doing here. I mean, despite there being absolutely no point at all to it, it is difficult to spend over a month in a glass box with scorpions. But once it’s over–assuming she doesn’t die–where has that gotten her? A few articles in the “Odd News” sections of world newspapers? A record that she’ll have to surpass in another few years after another nutcase breaks it?

What is the point of this effort, Nur Malena? Does it better you as a person? Does it better the world?

It’s an endurance exercise…it may help her build mental strength, but she can’t put “stayed in box with scorpions” on her resume. “Stayed in box with scorpions” doesn’t feed starving children in third world countries, or cure cancer.

“World-class effort”…I just can’t get over that.

Now I feel like I want to sleep forever. I’m not tired, particularly, but I don’t want to be awake. It’s annoying.

Blogger has an article up about adding Google AdSense to a blog. I’ve thought about doing that before. Not sure if it’s a good idea or not. It would be nice if it actually made me some money, but I don’t think I write enough to warrant it. What I do write is personal for the most part, though I have gone into some essays every now and then. Frankly, with what I write now, I’m not going to attract a large enough audience to make ads profitable.

One of the reasons I wanted different site sections was so I could put more targeted, essay-like blog entries elsewhere, leaving this page for my random ramblings. If I do manage to do that at some point (and it occurred to me last night that I can simply use JavaScript to call a list of my blogs for the sidebar), then I might put ads on some of the more targeted content.

Does that make sense, or should I just not worry about ads at all? I’m interested in responses from all three of you ;)

Also, you may note that I’ve added an “Email Post” link. That’s Blogger’s doing; they just added the feature.

Haven’t seen Foreman for weeks (months?). He finally popped up today, and during the course of our catching up, he remarked, “figured you’d try and get published by now :)”

“Good morning, this is Heather; can I help you?” I said, answering the phone at work.

I wasn’t really paying attention to what the person on the other end was saying until she got to a part about a “performer” who was coming into Augusta and who didn’t care for the food at the hotel where she planned to stay. “We were wondering if it would be all right to use your service to deliver her meals.”

I said something dumb like “Yes, that would be fine!”

“Great; I’ll make her some copies of the menus and give her your phone number.”

“All right. That will be fine,” I said again. Something like that. Something dumb ;> “Thank you,” I said, and we hung up.

I’d never had something like that happen before, so it’s understandable that I didn’t know what to say. What I probably should have said was, “Can we make up a menu packet for her? I can have someone bring it over.” Then we probably should have given her some 2go-Bucks, too :>

It’s probably not kosher to say who it was publicly, but I will note that when I said her first name (I couldn’t remember her last name), Robert and Tammy both knew exactly who I was talking about. They were surprised and delighted. So I guess she is well-known around here :) Kind of cool.