Maggie

I was talking to my friend Katie about her skill at making things pretty, and I asked her if she had ever considered being a photo stylist or an interior designer. She said she’s not confident, and I remarked that there are schools for that sort of thing. And that reminded me of, years ago, encouraging Maggie to get into graphic design.

Maggie was one of my best friends in high school. She was my movie buddy; we went to so many movies together. And I even got to go to Disney World for the first time with her family.

She was very creative, and made some really intriguing digital art. I really felt like she could have made it a career.

She was also just a wonderful person, and I always meant to visit her, to see her again after we graduated, but it never happened.

She died earlier this year.

CHF Recovery: Day 72

Happy Thanksgiving :)

My alarm went off at 6, but I had already been lying there awake for quite some time. I laid there for awhile longer, then finally got up. I had my protein shake and meds and poked around online, then took a shower.

We won’t be having Thanksgiving until around 2, so I knew I needed to eat something. I ended up going to Starbucks. I felt bad that people had to work on Thanksgiving so I tipped $10, and I also thanked them for being open. I got myself a protein bistro box, and I got a sausage and cheese breakfast sandwich for Sean.

I got back and gave Sean his breakfast and then got on the computer and ate while reading and chatting (I feel like this is my life in a nutshell).

I’m missing my family today. I’d love to go to Thanksgiving dinner in Kentucky. It sounds like it’s going to be really nice, as usual. But Thanksgiving with Sean’s parents will be good too.

~

Update: Thanksgiving with Sean’s parents was lovely. We went to their friends’ house with them and had a fantastic meal and met a bunch of really nice people. Everyone was so friendly. There was an adorable little girl there, maybe about three years old, and there were four dogs. It was heaven.

After that meal we went to Mema and Papa Stan’s, and it was so good to see them again. They hadn’t seen me since the weight loss surgery; Papa Stan said “Sean, what do you have here, a model?” and Mema called me “skinny mini”. I was a little embarrassed (Papa Stan asked “What happened?” and I said “Got lucky, I guess”) but also very flattered, especially by the “model” bit :D

Going to Augusta and back in a day is kind of rough, but we managed it, and now we’re home safe with some leftovers in the fridge. It was a good day.

Hopefully I’ll put up the Christmas tree tomorrow…

CHF Recovery: Day 71

This is the update for Wednesday, November 23, 2016.

I had heard rumors that we were only working a half day, so I got Starbucks breakfast as usual and thought happily about having lunch with Sean once I got off work. Unfortunately it didn’t go that way and we didn’t get dismissed till 3, and I ended up not taking a lunch break at all. Alas.

When I got home I did some reading and chatting online, then around 6 asked Sean if he wanted to go get Thai. He said yes but he was worried about traffic. I said, “Eh, let’s just go,” so we did. I drove, just in case traffic was bad and it would agitate him, but it turned out to be very light; I guess everyone had already left for Thanksgiving ;)

Dinner was nice. I tried the Thai iced tea for the first time. It was spiced and creamy and rich, and I enjoyed it a lot. For my meal I had panang curry instead of massaman, and it was good as well (but I’ve had it before. I pretty much always get some kind of curry).

After dinner I poked around online until around 9:30, then went to bed.

CHF Recovery: Day 70

Today I woke up naturally at 5:20, and since I had slept since 9, I decided to go ahead and get up. So I did. Since I showered last night, I didn’t take a shower this morning; I just got dressed and got on my computer and had my shake and medicine. I spent the extra time writing a ~400 word story, which was fun. It was fairly silly. Then I packed a lunch and went to work.

Work was fine; more proofing print catalog. I was supposed to have a lunch meeting with someone to help them out, but due to some confusion we did not find each other. That was kind of embarrassing. But I finished all my catalog pages, and that was good.

After work I picked up Mexican for dinner. As I was driving it occurred to me that I should try to eat very little sodium for breakfast and lunch, and then at dinner I can have fairly normal food. I think this should be doable. And that way I won’t have to feel like I have to cook dinner after a long day. So I’m going to make up a cheat sheet of low sodium foods, and also the sodium in my usual meals from restaurants, and go from there.

Sean and I ate dinner and watched That 70s Show, and he rubbed my back and it was awesome. Then I got on my computer and did some reading.

There’s a lot to be anxious about in life and in the world right now. I got really anxious yesterday. Today I managed to stay mostly calm.

I’d like to do some more writing, but I already feel sleepy. Alas.

CHF Recovery: Day 69

Getting a head start on this today, so at least the post will exist to edit later.

Snoozed for 15 minutes this morning, then startled violently when my alarm went off again. I was half awake and thinking about a short story idea.

Got up and dressed and turned on the car, as it’s in the mid-thirties this morning. Then had my meds and protein shake and did a bit of reading online.

I did not exercise or eat properly all weekend, nor did I come up with a meal plan. Sigh.

This is Thanksgiving week; I’m only working through Wednesday. Sean is off entirely, and I am the personification of Envy. Ah well.

~

I got really stressed out today. Came home at lunch and cried in Sean’s arms for a bit. Picked up unhealthy lunch on the way back to work and ate it at my desk. Stressed so hard my chest started hurting, then tried to force myself to stop stressing. I was marginally successful.

When I got home from work I told Sean that food stresses me out and I had chest pain and I did not want to think about food ever again. He said we would go out to eat. I had already put on pajamas, but I put clothes back on. He asked me to drive because he hadn’t eaten all day and had a headache. I drove. He got vertigo. I got very grouchy and thought, but did not say, many unkind things.

We made it to the restaurant (Muss & Turner’s) and ordered and I spent most of dinner reading stuff on my phone. I had wagyu steak with gnocchi and mushrooms and it was pretty good, though kind of rich. Sean had a burger and chicharrones, which is a fancy way of saying pork rinds. We did not have dessert. On the way home Sean almost got sick. His allergies/sinus issues had combined with his headache and vertigo to form Super Unpleasantness. I drove as carefully as I could over the ridiculous number of speed bumps in our apartment complex. Pretty much as soon as we got home, he went to bed. I decided to take a shower, since I didn’t take one this morning.

I asked for writing prompts earlier in the day and I have several. I was eager to start working on them, but I feel tired. I guess I’ll try and see what happens.

(I did not write. I went to bed at 9pm.)

CHF Recovery: Days 67 and 68

Saturday, November 19

Sat in bed on my little laptop reading and such. Moved to my office when William got up. Went to therapy at 1, and it was good. I also took some nice pictures of fall leaves and trees. Came back and made myself lunch and goofed off online until dinnertime, then went and got myself some chicken strips. However, I was only able to eat one of them before I started feeling icky. I moved back to bed for a few hours, finally going to sleep at 10:30 or so.

Sunday, November 20

I woke up at 3:30am and could not get back to sleep, so I stayed up. Did some reading and writing, and ate cheesecake and my leftovers from last night. Moved to my office when William got up, then loaded the dishwasher and started laundry. William left around lunchtime. For lunch I had leftover spaghetti from Friday night.

I basically stayed on the computer and read all day. I finished the laundry (three loads) and picked up Jimmy John’s for dinner. It’s 8 o’clock now and I’m very tired, so I may well go to bed.

(In personal news I made a mistake that really hurt someone’s feelings, and I am trying to learn from that so it doesn’t happen again.)

CHF Recovery: Days 64, 65, and 66

Whoa, so yeah, I’ve been pretty neglectful with these updates! Let’s see if I can remember what I did all week.

Wednesday, November 16

I worked a half day because I had a doctor’s appointment. Work went fine. My doctor said I’m looking good (no swelling, blood pressure is good) so she doubled my dose of lisinopril. I am to also double my dose of coreg, but not for two weeks, to give me a chance to adjust to the lisinopril.

After the doctor, Sean and I had couples therapy. This went pretty well; I shared all the developments for me, and Sean talked about his worries, and we discussed Celena’s visit. Afterward we decided to go to AJ’s Famous Seafood and Poboys for dinner instead of going somewhere near therapy like usual. I had a ton of fried food that probably contained all my allowed sodium for the week.

I wrote a ton of ficlets on this day and one of them ended up being really popular!

Thursday, November 17

Only managed to write two ficlets on this day. Full day of work with several meetings, and I had lunch with my coworker Kathy so there was no time to write then. Lunch was really nice; we went to a nearby Indian buffet and they have really expanded their selection! They had two kinds of dessert. One was barfi, which I recognized from middle school when I made some as part of a project on Bangladesh; it did not taste the way I remembered, though. The other was sooji halwa, which I guess is kind of like a rice pudding except with semolina flour, and it was delicious. I loved it!

This was also Faye’s birthday, so I texted her and left her a note on Facebook <3

For dinner I picked up Taco Bell, and Sean and I watched The Daily Show. I ended up going to bed shortly after 9 because I was dead tired.

Friday, November 18

I managed to shower today, unlike yesterday. I also skipped my normal Starbucks breakfast, but this just meant I was half asleep until lunch. I need to find something with a little less sodium to eat in the morning.

Lunch was a company “tailgate” party; we had barbecue catered by Jim ‘n’ Nick’s. It was delicious. I had a small serving of both baked beans and mac and cheese, because you gotta. I also had a huge piece of pecan pie because I am incorrigible.

Even after all that, I was starving by the end of the day. If there’s one thing I miss about Wellbutrin (and I really do think it’s just the one thing), it’s the appetite suppressant. Oh well.

I forgot William was coming over this weekend, so I picked up dinner for two on the way home. Oops. We ended up splitting our entrees among the three of us, and I steamed some veggies for a side. I think it turned out to be enough food. Gotta love American portion sizes.

CHF Recovery: Day 63

  • Got up at 6 for a change!
  • Got dressed and had my protein shake and pills at my desk
  • Preheated my car (yay) and went to work, picking up Starbucks on the way (venti chai, protein bistro box, gingerbread loaf)
  • Finished a work project that had been annoying me and moved on to other stuff, which I finished faster
  • Went to get my eyebrows done at lunch (it had been way too long)
  • After work, went to Costco to gas up my car and then to Sushi Huku to pick up takeout
  • While waiting on the takeout, went into Publix and bought:
    • Christmas wrapping paper
    • tampons
    • cordial cherries
    • pumpkin spice Lindor truffles
  • Ate dinner while watching YouTube videos with Sean
  • Napped on top of Sean
  • Poked around online a bit
  • Went to bed around 10

I also wrote several five-sentence ficlets today; it was a lot of fun, and I got some nice comments, including “how is this so good while being so short?” which was a delight :)

CHF Recovery: Day 62

  • Got up at 6:45
  • Took shower and got dressed
  • Packed up pills and protein shake to take to work
  • Picked up Starbucks on the way in
  • Realized the new Starbucks had opened inside our building, but the line was really long so I was glad I went to the drive-thru instead
  • Worked on product descriptions and had a couple meetings
  • Went home at lunch to wrap a present for Celena
  • Sean texted to offer to get dinner from Jimmy John’s, which I took him up on
  • Got home around 5:20, the food arrived shortly thereafter
  • Spent the evening reading online, eating dinner, and poking at a story
  • Sean and Celena watched some Chappelle’s Show (they’d watched Dave Chappelle on SNL yesterday, which was awesome) and then Sean took her to the airport

It was a nice visit with Celena, but too short. I hope it isn’t too long before I see her again.

  • Messed around online
  • Went to bed at 9:15

CHF Recovery: Day 61

Eating has been bad today too. :/

  • Got up at 9:30
  • Settled on the couch with Spider-Man 3, my protein shake, my morning meds, and last night’s pizza

I ate two cheesy bread sticks and half a piece of pizza, and they were delicious. And I livetweeted Spider-Man 3, which I love. I used to say 2 was the best but now I’m not sure. They all work so well together, it’s hard to pick.

After the movie I got on my computer to goof off and eat Oreos. Now I feel like doing something, but I’m not sure what. Sean is at work again (he’s teaching a bootcamp) and Celena is on her computer. I should take a walk. Hmm.

Update: I did not take a walk. I basically stayed on my computer all day, as I recall. I ended up going to bed around 9:30.

CHF Recovery: Day 60

Yet again a day behind. This is the update for November 12.

I spent the morning in bed on my laptop, drinking my protein shake and discussing the story I’d written the day before with some friends. Then I took a shower and Celena and I went to breakfast…at Waffle House!

Sean won’t go to Waffle House anymore, so I thought it would be fun to go there. Celena had never been. She had the hash brown bowl, which I’ve not tried, and said it was good. I had the All-Star Special and barely managed half of it XD It was a really nice breakfast. We talked about Star Wars and Disney and various other things.

After breakfast I went to therapy, which was also nice. I talked about how I’ve adjusted to my medicine and also how I feel more able to discuss my wants and needs at home. I’ve been feeling really good lately. I also discussed a private thing that happened that I had various feelings about, and she encouraged me to act on those feelings. I’m not sure I’m actually going to do that, but it was neat to be validated. I’m pretty timid so I think I will take it slower? I dunno.

When I got back Sean was still at work. Celena and I spent some time on our respective laptops, and then I went on my first walk since I started back at work. I’m glad I walked. It was a beautiful day, tons of fall leaves everywhere, bright clear sky and crisp air. Afterwards I sneezed a lot and Celena said “bless you” every time, which was adorable.

When Sean got home he and Celena watched a couple episodes of RWBY, which I had never seen. It looks like a fantasy show rendered in the CGI style of Naruto video games. Then at around 5 o’clock they went to dinner and to see Doctor Strange, so I ordered pizza (yes, this is bad) and cheesy bread (terrible) and watched Spider-Man and Spider-Man 2. I livetweeted them and it was a lot of fun :)

Sean and Celena got back right at the end of Spider-Man 2. I finished up and went to bed, because by then it was 11:30. A nice day all around, though I am concerned about my poor eating habits.

CHF Recovery: Day 59

Forgot to write yesterday, so this is for October 11, 2016.

I accidentally overslept after turning off my alarm, so I didn’t get up until shortly before 7. I quickly showered and headed off for work, stopping for Starbucks on the way. Work was pretty great; I had no meetings so I was able to just plug away at some writing, with occasional proofing interruptions. Also a former coworker, Rashuri, came by and it was great to see her!

For lunch I ran out quickly and picked up Chick-fil-A. On my way back I passed a truck that was literally on fire. It was freaky. There were flames and smoke billowing out from beneath the hood. I was afraid it was going to blow up. Another vehicle was parked some distance behind it with hazards on, so it looked like the situation was being dealt with, but cars were still going right by it. Scary.

After work I was in a really good mood. I chatted with Sean and Celena a bit and then they went to dinner and I goofed off on my computer writing a story that kind of breaks some boundaries of taste. haha. After they got back I went and picked myself up some KFC, then planted myself in the living room to eat and watch Yuri!!! on Ice, an anime about a figure skater. It is pretty fun so far. I got through maybe four episodes, then finally went to bed.

Other than the eating all the wrong food, it was a pretty good day :)

CHF Recovery: Day 58

I snoozed for an hour today because I didn’t want to get up. But then I did get up, and I showered, and I got dressed, and I kissed Sean, and I went to work! On the way I got Starbucks again. I decided to try the London Fog, which is an Earl Grey latte. Celena had told me about it. It was pretty good, but I like the chai latte better. I also got a protein bistro box and a gingerbread loaf, and I really need to stop eating like this.

Work was fine; I got various things done and felt productive. For lunch I quickly ran errands, picking up a prescription and some groceries and then grabbing Chick-fil-A to eat when I got back.

The rest of the workday was also fine, and I left right on time and came straight home, where I ate Zebra Cakes and Oreos instead of dinner. Heh.

I settled in at my desk and wrote some five-sentence ficlets for prompts from various people, and that was fun. Sean and Celena got back from dinner and set up in the living room. I thought about watching TV but couldn’t come up with anything I wanted to watch, so instead I wrote more tiny stories until bedtime.

CHF Recovery: Day 57

This is so fucked up

  • Snoozed for about 20 minutes
  • Got up and checked CNN
  • Skipped shower and got dressed
  • Drank protein shake
  • Despaired

I did not stop for Starbucks this morning, but I ended up eating cheddar-flavored Ruffles and two Reese’s cups at my desk, so bleh. Then for lunch I had McDonald’s, and for dinner I got Chinese food. Obviously sodium was off the charts today; I didn’t even log.

When I came home with the Chinese food I settled down in front of the TV and ate while watching 30 Rock. Then I got on the computer for a bit, but I didn’t do much, other than talk with friends. I talked with friends at work, too. Just trying to figure out where to go from here.

Celena’s visiting; she arrives tonight. Sean is cleaning. I don’t really have anything to do. Thinking about going to bed early (it’s 9:30).

CHF Recovery: Day 56

I was tempted to snooze this morning, but unlike yesterday I did not feel like a zombie, so I got up with my alarm at 8. I went to the bathroom and showered and got dressed and sat at my computer with my protein shake. I still ended up needing to bring the shake and my pills with me to work. I also stopped for Starbucks across from work for the first time in forever; the cashier said “Long time no see!”

Work went fine. I had one meeting and otherwise worked on writing stuff and fulfilling requests. My new work computer is great; it boots up in like two seconds.

At lunch I went to Carrabba’s and read the second chapter of a fanfic that I had started this morning. The first chapter was lovely and romantic and dangerous, and the second chapter dealt with the consequences of the first, and it was so beautifully tragic. It took me some time to be able to write a good comment for it.

I did not feel bone tired all day the way I have been. I think the withdrawal symptoms are finally going away. I am dismayed that my appetite is back in full force; I’ll do my best not to overeat and to watch my salt better. (Today I didn’t log food at all, but I at least didn’t make too horrible of choices.)

After work I snuggled with Sean for awhile, then made myself a dinner of a PB&J, yogurt, and Baked Lays. I am avoiding election results until there is a final winner. I’m just trying not to think about it. I’m terrified and I just don’t want to know until it’s sure.