Man, I stayed up too late last night :>
Author: Heather Meadows
I feel better
My neckaches and wild emotional state are probably a result of stress. I spoke with my endocrinologist about my mood swings, and she had me take a pregnancy test. It was negative. Since I haven’t had another period, I will be resuming progesterone. Hopefully that plus the knowledge that I have the power to control how I feel (to an extent) will balance me out.
I realized yesterday that I have been putting a lot of undue stress on myself. I wanted a house so badly that I was punishing myself for not being ready to buy one. While we are on the road to a good downpayment, we aren’t financially stable enough to get into a mortgage. As Mom said last night, I shouldn’t compare myself to other people. I should focus on what my situation is and work with that information only.
I had gotten to the point that I was trying to deny myself any creature comforts, like going places (too much gas money) or eating out. Removing the things that made my life bearable was not the correct solution. I am having a hard enough time as it is living with my in-laws. I need to let myself relax.
It all came to a head yesterday and the day before, but now I’m calm.
I want to thank everyone who was there for me. Em, your email made me feel so loved and understood. You were the first to tell me that it was okay to be upset. Thank you. AJ, thank you for commenting and lending me your support. I know it’s tough to be my brother sometimes ;> But you have always stood by me and I know you always will. Thank you. Jered, your comment made me feel so much better. It’s a little scary to be looked up to, but at the same time it gives me a nice healthy dose of reality. You’re right, I’m not a loser. Thank you. Mom, you are so understanding, and yet so level-headed. Your wisdom and sympathy helped me gain some much-needed perspective. I feel like I can handle my life now. Thank you.
Too Damn Late
Why am I still up?!
Well, I watched Kyou Kara Maou 62-64 again, and paused them a lot to breen. I have a little better understanding of what went on, though Bob’s reasoning in 62 is still foggy. I caught a little something in 64 that I didn’t catch before, which was cool.
I’m kind of waiting for Sean to get home, but who knows when that’ll be. He tends to stay late at work on his night shift. I should probably go to sleep.
However, bittorrent is teasing me…it claims there’s only 26 minutes left on this download. Do I wait for it? Will it suddenly drop down to 0 k/s and drag on for eternity, like it’s done since yesterday? Or will it actually finish?
Yay, I’m SG-1!
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You scored as SG-1 (Stargate). You are versatile and diverse in your thinking. You have an open mind to that which seems highly unlikely and accept it with a bit of humor. Now if only aliens would stop trying to take over your body.
Your Ultimate Sci-Fi Profile II: which sci-fi crew would you best fit in? (pics) |
Via Kirkie.
Valentine’s Day
Reuters has two stories up today about the modern tradition in Japan of women giving chocolate to the men in their lives on Valentine’s Day. The first article discusses how tired women are growing of the time and expense involved.
According to an Internet survey, 70 percent of working women said they would be happy if there was no tradition of giving “obligatory chocolates” to their boyfriends or colleagues.
Nearly 60 percent said they felt unhappy as Valentine’s Day approached, citing the cost and time it takes to shop for the gifts, which are finely calculated to express just the right emotions towards a boss, a colleague or a true boyfriend.
The custom has grown into a sweet 50 billion yen (245 million pound) market for Japan’s chocolate makers, some of whom rake in 20 to 30 percent of annual profits in a few short weeks.
At the end of the article, it is mentioned that women are more and more starting to spend a lot of money buying chocolate for themselves. The second article goes into this phenomenon more deeply.
It used to be Japanese women gave men a gift of chocolates on Valentine’s Day.
These days, they’re more likely to buy pricey chocolates costing up to $200 (115 pounds) a box as a treat for themselves.
[…]
Until recently, most Japanese women bought cellophane-wrapped sweets in bulk from drugstores to give to colleagues or school friends as an “obligatory chocolate” on Valentine’s Day.
[…]
Premium chocolates are often imported from countries like Belgium and France, with imports worth 36.8 billion yen in 2004/05, up about 36 percent from a decade ago, according to association estimates.
Chocolate aficionados are also beginning to favour high-quality sweets with a high cocoa content and complex tastes, achieved by blending bulk beans with prized flavour beans from countries like Venezuela and Ecuador.
The Japanese, however, are still modest chocolate consumers by global standards, swallowing about 4.85 pounds per person each year, compared to Switzerland’s 24.9 pounds and Germany’s 23.1 pounds.
As for me, I’ve been buying Sean chocolate regularly since Christmas (he favors dark chocolate and has especially enjoyed Hershey’s Dark Kisses), so I’m not sure I really need to do anything :> (Besides, I haven’t come across a dark chocolate Valentine’s box.)
The Pink House
An anonymous reader points to this article at the Augusta Chronicle concerning my beloved North Augusta Pink House.
Peggy Simons loves being near the water.
She and her husband, Dr. James Simons, a semiretired dentist and developer, already owned a beach home at Fripp Island. S.C., when they decided to build a home on the Savannah River and move from the historic Ambrose Clark house in Aiken to North Augusta.
Mrs. Simons oversaw the construction.
“I picked out everything down to the doorknobs,” she said.
We can assume this also includes the color of the house.
The following is listed in one of the informational boxes at the end of the article:
THE HOME: The three-story home, known as “The Pink House,” has 8,000 square feet, five bedrooms and 5 bathrooms. It has two kitchens and a pool.
Damn straight it’s known as “The Pink House”. I named it that!!!!
(Really, “The Pink House” is not a hard name to come up with for a huge, highly visible pink house. But I can dream, can’t I?!)
Kyou Kara Maou helps me study Japanese, sort of; plus, a new word is coined
I’ve been watching Kyou Kara Maou without subtitles. I’m up through episode 64. I watched 60 and 61 twice, and I spent an inordinate amount of time trying to translate Yuuri’s Maou speech from 60. (I mean, hey, it was important! Once again the KKM “whoever thought we’d see that character again” factor comes into play.) For the most part, though, I’ve just been watching them straight, marveling at how much I actually understand and occasionally pausing to breen an unfamiliar word. (“WWWJDIC” doesn’t quite roll off the tongue. ;>)
In any case, a lot of my comprehension comes from knowing the characters and the situations they’re likely to encounter, and a lot of it comes from having some general “anime vocabulary”, but still, I’m kind of pleased that I know what’s going on. I am looking forward to seeing the episodes subbed, to see if my understanding is correct, and to fill in the gaps. But it appears that I can watch the episodes this way without too many problems, which is pretty damn cool.
Because there are 76 episodes out so far, so that means I have plenty to watch!
…
The minute my car door closed I was bawling. I wailed and sobbed and tears streamed down my face as I drove home. I thought what a loser I was that I couldn’t deal with this and stay at work. I thought that the whole reason we’re here in Sean’s parents’ house is my fault, because I don’t make enough money for us to buy our own place. I thought that I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to make more money. I don’t know how to get a job that pays enough. I don’t know how to get clients who will pay me enough.
When I got home I warmed up last night’s leftovers and stood and ate them in the kitchen and thought that if Sean had never married me, he would be better off. He wouldn’t have moved into that apartment. He wouldn’t have lost all his stuff.
And if we hadn’t gotten married I might have gotten a real job when I finished college. I might not be such a total fucking loser. And I wouldn’t have lost all my stuff.
But I was selfish and stupid and wanted to get married right away.
Sean was in the shower. I wanted to hide from him. I didn’t want him to know I was here instead of out working, getting the money we need. But I also wanted to apologize to him for not being a good enough wife. If I was stronger I could handle this. I could get the work I need to get. I could figure out a plan. I could deal with the setbacks in my life. But I’m a wimp who always wants to run away, who gets overwhelmed and can’t even handle getting up in the morning and going to work. I’m so pathetic that all I want is to run home to my mom.
Cheryl said before that if we were going to stay here another six months that I had to get a job and that there would be “no more trips to Kentucky” that waste our money. I was mad at the time that she was treating me like a child, but maybe that’s all I deserve.
There wasn’t a good place to hide, and I didn’t feel like I had the right to hide. I felt like I should come clean with Sean, that he should know what a horrible loser he married. So I curled up in the bed and waited for him.
I could hear him moving around the room as he got ready to go to work. Finally he pulled the covers back so he could see my face and give me a kiss, and he said, “Bye, baby.”
“Bye,” I said in a voice that shook too much.
“Are you gonna be okay?”
“I don’t know,” I said, and covered my eyes.
“Did you have a fight with Robert?”
“No,” I sobbed, “I’m just stupid.”
“You’re having a mood swing?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay, honey. Get some sleep. Next time you see your doctor, tell her you’re having mood swings.”
“Okay.”
I reached up to him and he hugged me tight and then he left for work.
I wish I was good enough for him.
I feel so alone.
Ugh
I don’t know if it’s just because it’s Monday or what, but I feel crappy.
I do know I ate too much last night. I got to go to Brooke’s family’s Sunday dinner with her and David. Her brother Blake and his wife Dorothy and their cute little two week old baby Allison were there, as well as Brooke’s parents, Blair and Elaine. (They have a cute female dog named Edward[?] that Brooke’s dad calls Pete. I don’t get it!)
Anyway, my favorite part of the visit was getting to hold that baby. I held her for a very long time, rocking her and humming to her as she slept. She reached out with her tiny little hand and clung to my shirt, and I could feel her soft breathing on my face. Every now and then she’d blearily open her eyes, blinking sightlessly before falling back into her slumber. (And sometimes she’d fuss a little, then poot.)
That may have been my favorite part, but it was bittersweet. There were several times while I was gazing into that beautiful little face that I had to force myself not to cry. It was nice to think that I was over all that for awhile…oh well.
Brooke’s dad (I can’t think of her parents by their names!) brought up the apartment fire, which had the unfortunate effect of keeping me awake last night, my mind racing as I thought back to all the stuff I “could have saved” if I’d had my head together. Honestly, it really is best that we just got the hell out of there, but I keep thinking that I could have run back to the office and yanked my computer out, and picked up my purse and camera, and then snagged the tray with my tea set on it on my way out…and that I could have yelled up to the fireman I saw in the apartment the day after the fire and asked him if he could throw anything down. I tried to content myself with the thought of replacing our wedding memorabilia: the goblets and cake server with our names and the date engraved on them. But finally I had to just distract myself into sleep.
I am really happy that I went to dinner. I had a great time. Brooke’s family is a trip and a half. They’re awesome and really fun to hang out with.
But I did eat too much, and I felt nauseated for the rest of the evening, which sucked. That, plus the baby-envy, plus the futile apartment “if onlys” probably account for how I feel this morning.
I let myself sleep in a little, but I don’t think that helped.
Right now I’m mildly nauseous, and my neck hurts. (I think I need a new pillow or something, because my neck always hurts.) I feel braindead and tired and cold.
Bleh.
A hotel for allergy sufferers
This is a neat idea.
Allergy-suffering guests checking in at the Tokyu Inn in the business district of Shinbashi, will step into a phone booth-style box to have the pollen blown off their clothes by a high-powered air shower before going to their rooms, the Mainichi Shimbun said on Sunday.
Windows on the allergy-sufferers’ floor will be kept closed to keep the pollen out and peppermint tea, said to alleviate the symptoms, will be provided in each room, along with a special spray to prevent pollen sticking to clothing.
I don’t recall Sean or myself suffering from allergies while we were in Japan. I’m not sure if our honeymoon is a good example, though, because we were there in March, which was probably too early for pollen. I may have had some allergies when I was in Kyushu in 2001, because I did fall under the weather with a “summer cold”, but that could have been due to exhaustion from the trip just as easily as allergies.
I guess we’ll have to find out in a future trip if the massive cedar tree reforestation mentioned in that article has an affect on us. (Joy!)
Denture dream
I had a bizarre dream last night about my teeth. They were really hurting, and then all of a sudden they started breaking apart. When I reached in to pull out the broken ones, the entire shelf of my teeth broke and came out in five parts. I discovered that my teeth were actually dentures.
I tugged out the broken dentures (the sensation was similar to what it felt like to take out my retainer, which I wore back in elementary school) and found that my real teeth were still there underneath. Some of them were horribly discolored–green–and others were covered up to the top by bizarre gum formations. My canines were long, splintery, and yellow, with strings of pink-red running through them. Still, I knew that these were my real teeth, and I hoped that if I brushed them regularly they’d go back to normal and be better than the dentures had been.
I wondered in the dream how long I’d had dentures and why they’d been glued in over my real teeth. This mystery was never solved.
Kyou Kara Maou roundup
I’m getting impatient. Today I went looking for raws. And I found them…but that’s not what’s important. I also found a couple of other things.
First, a reference to something called Kyou Kara Maou Taizen Shuu, which seems to have 9 episodes. I have no idea what it is! Actually, from what I can tell they are recap episodes, but they might have other information…if it’s 大全集 then it means something like “encyclopedia collection” or “compendium”.
Second, I discovered the homepage to the Kyou Kara Maou manga. The page has the title 新魔国王立広報室 (しんまこくおうりつこうほうしつ, or Shin Makoku Ouritsu Kouhou Shitsu) which seems to mean something like “Shin Makoku Royal PR Room”. I don’t know if that’s the name of the manga or just the website, but it’s cute either way :> Silly rhyme! I also like the manga art. It’s purdy. I now have a new LiveJournal icon:
Here’s the first manga collection at Amazon.com. The title seems to be 今日からマのつく自由業! (Kyou Kara Ma no Tsuku Jiyuugyuu, which I can’t translate–here’s a guess, though: “From today forward, [I’ve] entered demonic self-employment!”).
Third, maru-ma.com (what does “maru-ma” stand for, anyway?) links to a Kyou Kara Maou videogame for the PS2. Not that I play videogames, but it’s neat to know it exists…
It’s Witch Mountain Day here in Heatherville
I found fanfiction!
[Edit 4:15 pm:] Well, that was a total cheesefest.
The Blair Witch Mountain Project
It’s totally silly. But, I mean…it’s Tony and Tia!
(To be honest, I would not have recognized Kim Richards on the street. Ike/Iake Eisenmann/Eissinmann [dude, pick a spelling] has the exact same voice, though.)