Tag: funny

Something just pooped on my head

The doo-doo was brown, so I’m guessing it was a squirrel.

When I felt it land I thought it was an acorn and reached back to brush it off. That’s when I felt something slimy on my hand. I looked at my brown-streaked fingers and said…

“Shit.”

Published
Categorized as Diary Tagged ,

Total cuteness

Mom’s trying to get Logan to sing the Bob the Builder song, which goes something like

Can we fix it?
Yes we can!

So she said, “Logan! Can we fix it?”

Logan turned around in the highchair, beamed at her, and said, “Sure!”

Hai rules

Me (2:20:20 PM): I need a new mp3 player
Me (2:20:24 PM): what would you recommend?
Hai (2:20:31 PM): www.anythingbutipod.com
Me (2:20:35 PM): ROFL
Hai (2:20:45 PM): i love that site =D
Hai (2:20:49 PM): well
Hai (2:20:52 PM): i love that URL =]

The etymology of OMGWTFBBQ

UrbanDictionary.com has several definitions of the term. It may or may not have originated on GameFAQs, Something Awful, and/or Starcraft, and it may or may not have something to do with the Korean word for “fuck you”.

Personally, I always just figured it was a way to mock Internet acronyms, but whatever. Also, I think saying BBQ stands for “be back quick” is BS. It’s barbecue. I mean, come on.

I’m not sure when I first heard it (thanks a lot, apartment fire, for destroying my records), but I know it was Kevin who first said it to me.

I am a total baby

There was a cockroach in my bathroom.

With a clacking flutter of wings, it darted up my wall as I was finishing washing my face.

I screamed, ran out, and shut the door.

“There’s a cockroach in there!” I told Sean. He just looked at me. “Ew!” I said. But he didn’t move.

I went back to the bedroom and put some pants on (pantsless computing is my thing), and then I put socks and sneakers on because shoes without socks is too naked, and then I crept back out to the main living area and cautiously approached the bathroom door.

Sean was still sitting at his computer. He hadn’t moved. I looked at him, then moved the rug in front of the utility closet with my foot, wondering morbidly if there was an army of cockroaches in that closet. I looked back at Sean. He looked at me.

He obviously wasn’t going to do anything, so I opened the door.

The cockroach was nowhere in sight.

“Where did it go?” I simpered. Sean still didn’t move.

I edged the door open slowly and looked behind it. I looked along the wall. I looked over the floor. Then a sickening thought settled into my stomach and I reached out to the towels hanging on the wall, near where the cockroach had scuttled up.

I knocked the first towel.

Nothing happened.

I knocked the second one.

Hideous clack-flapping was my grisly reward, as the cockroach burst out and slapped onto the floor. I shrieked and ducked out the door.

“Get it,” Sean said.

I reluctantly looked back in to find where the roach had scurried to. And I didn’t see it.

“Where did it go?” I moaned.

“It’s under your foot.”

“What? Where?” I backed up. And there it was, zipping at unhuman speeds out of the bathroom and onto the carpet. It nestled itself snugly in the corner.

Predictably, I squealed again.

“Step on it!” Sean said. He was getting impatient. “I don’t have shoes on! Just step on it!” As I raised my shaking foot, he added, “Remember you have to twist, because that carpet’s going to be soft.”

“Ewwwwww…” and the toe of my sneaker came down on the cockroach.

“Twist,” Sean said. “Twist.”

I did.

When I finally raised my foot away, Sean said comfortingly, “There you go. Now vacuum him up.”

I did.

I then collected all the garbage in the apartment, because certainly it’s acting as bait for these freaky little assholes. Then I came back to the office and clung to Sean’s shoulder and let out a little whimper.

He just chuckled.

To the MAX!

Oh my god, Brian Clevinger (you know, 8-Bit Theater, Nuklear Age) posted the most hi-larious rant on the recent comic. (Scroll to the bottom of that page.)

Loonatics, man! ‘Cause they’re CRAZY. They make regular x-treme look, like, y’know, something so not x-treme you can’t think of a word for it. You can’t talk about them without excessive use of BOLD ITACLIC CAPS, MAN, TO THE MAX!

I find the philosophy behind being a television or Hollywood executive fascinating. Apparently these are people utterly devoid of taste or culture. They are completely without a sense of what is good. It’s like how sociopaths are incapable of feeling empathy. They can maim and kill and torture people because they are hardwired not to understand that it’s bad to do that. You can’t fix these people, they are broken from the factory and need to be destroyed after studying how fucked up they are so we can identify and destroy them better in the future.

That’s what these executives are like, only instead of lacking empathy — which they may very well also lack — they lack a sense of what good is. The rest of humanity has it. Sure, we might disagree about specifics, but there are certain instances where crap is crap and no one can deny it. I’m not saying Catwoman was one such movie, but it was.

Go read the rest, seriously. It’s a hoot.

Someday, when I have server-side blogging software with CATEGORIES, I will name a section ‘Sudbury’.

[15:44:22] <Sabrewolf> The rest of my relatives are in Sudbury, but I don’t want to see them. They’re all screwed in the head lately o_o So I give them a wide berth LOL

[15:45:37] <COSLeia> hahaha

[15:45:55] <COSLeia> screwed in the head

[15:45:56] * COSLeia dies

* Retrieving #amrn modes…

[15:46:12] * COSLeia changes topic to ‘<Sabrewolf> The rest of my relatives are in Sudbury, but I don’t want to see them. They’re all screwed in the head lately o_o’

[15:48:14] <Sabrewolf> ROFL

[15:48:23] <Sabrewolf> They are! They’ve gone psychotic

[15:49:09] <COSLeia> yes well

[15:49:23] <COSLeia> I thought the way you phrased that was rather…coincidental

[15:50:48] <Sabrewolf> …LMAO

[15:50:50] <Sabrewolf> Oh God

[15:52:46] <COSLeia> XD

[15:52:49] <COSLeia> I love you, man

More from Sudbury :D

[Note: Sabrewolf plays Vlad, and pretends he’s trying to hide that fact.]

[23:54:14] <Sabrewolf> You’re going to be Vlad’s assistant. I’ll have to introduce you to his player at some point >_> <_<

[23:54:21] * COSLeia dies

[23:54:40] <COSLeia> just make sure he doesn’t take her to Sudbury

[23:54:49] <Ironside> One day Vlad will try to gather some actual intelligence!

[23:54:52] * COSLeia waits for Nate’s logic circuits to malfunction

[23:55:03] * Sabrewolf does indeed malfunction

[23:55:04] <Ironside> XD

[23:55:15] <Sabrewolf> One day Vlad will get the resources he requested from his CO a long time ago!

[23:55:26] <COSLeia> lol

[23:55:38] * Sabrewolf is too tired to remember what Vlad’s player said those were right now

[23:55:40] * Ironside replaces Nate’s logic circuits with imatation Folger’s Crystals

[23:55:54] * Sabrewolf adds hot water and drinks self

[23:56:03] <COSLeia> wow

[23:56:09] <Ironside> :D

[23:56:12] <COSLeia> didn’t know you were THAT desperate to go to Sudbury

[23:56:18] <Ironside> LOL

[23:56:20] <Sabrewolf> What?

[23:56:24] * Ironside dies

[23:56:24] <Sabrewolf> o_O

[23:56:30] <COSLeia> haha, I rule.

[23:56:33] <Ironside> Flexible, are you?

[23:56:42] <Sabrewolf> …wait…

[23:56:44] <Sabrewolf> ARGH!

[23:56:47] <Ironside> :D

[23:56:47] <COSLeia> ROFLMAO

"If you guys are really us…what number are we thinking of right now?"

[12:14:59] <Sabrewolf> Damn it, why do people always laugh at me when they ask me for directions to Sudbury >_<

[12:15:14] <COSLeia> I have no idea what that means

[12:15:37] <gradius> How do you describe it?

[12:16:07] <Sabrewolf> Sudbury’s where I was born… all my friends in Toronto have some sort of running gag at my expense where they tell me they’re going up there for vacation and ask me which way to go ;_; And I don’t understand it!

[12:17:30] <Sabrewolf> Highway 401 to 400, then you have to find Highway 69 and go north >_<

[12:17:34] <gradius> Well, if it helps, I don’t understant it either. ^ ^

[12:17:38] <Sabrewolf> Then they break out into fits of giggles and call me a geek

[12:18:00] <COSLeia> highway…69

[12:18:12] <Sabrewolf> Yes! What’s so god damn funny about it?!

[12:18:15] <COSLeia> …

[12:18:16] <COSLeia> wow

[12:18:18] <COSLeia> you don’t know?

[12:18:25] <Sabrewolf> No -_-

[12:18:31] <COSLeia> a 69 is a sexual position

[12:18:37] <COSLeia> where both partners give and receive oral sex

[12:18:40] <Sabrewolf> …oh…

[12:18:43] <gradius> Ah…

[12:18:55] <Sabrewolf> Those bastards

[12:18:56] <COSLeia> lol

[12:19:25] <gradius> Time to think of a different route to Sudbury. ^ ^

[12:19:38] <COSLeia> lol

[12:20:38] <Sabrewolf> They even ask me, “Are you going to be driving on Highway 69 again this weekend?” and I say “Yes” and they don’t leave me alone about it >_<

[12:20:46] <Sabrewolf> I’m going to kill them LOL

[12:21:49] <COSLeia> ahahahaha :D

Re: BSSM 26 (I hope she sneezes a LOT.)

Me (12:07:51 AM): “Luna, it’s your specialty to turn into a crazy little human girl with ears and freak everyone out! That’s the perfect training for the Princess!”
Shade (12:08:24 AM): “I hate you, Artemis.”